I wish TS4 had bedframes you could buy, but then you could pay additionally to upgrade the mattress and improve the sleeping stats.
I hate that I end up using the same 3 or 4 bed styles because they're the only ones with decent stats! There are so many great styles to choose from, but I hate the sleep 4 or sleep 5 rating!
Hey Dads,
I had to sell my car basically for scrap after it broke down and the person helping me fix it up accidentally broke it more.
I teach preschool- my budget is low. I can put a little over a thousand down and that's about it. My credit is... also not great. Now that medical bills show up on your credit score, I'm kinda screwed there. I had cancer last year, got fired in the middle of treatment, and paid for COBRA as long as I could, but ultimately I had to survive and I incurred some bills that followed me. I pay a couple of dollars here and the to try to keep them out of collections, but a few got away from me in the initial haze of chemo and surgeries.
Anyway. I need a car. What do I do? I've been looking online, setting filters to things like "no accidents," under 10k and under 100k miles. I'm thinking an older Toyota or maybe a Honda would be best? But is it better to go to a dealership? I'm a woman- I know a little about cars, but only practical things. I know nothing about one engine to the next or various makes and models. That being said, I'm ... reasonably attractive? I guess, and I do have a good sob story, so maybe if I went in person someone would pity me.
Any advice is welcome.... I don't know what I'm doing and I don't have an adultier adult to ask.
I have one toddler in my class who is truly struggling to socialize with friends- and it's 100% a parenting issue.
Their older sibling, M, is "that child" in school. They and their cousins are all very rough, but especially M. Every day M is pushing, hitting, pinching, biting (at age 4), spitting in the teacher's face. Throwing an absolute tantrum because THEY don't *want* to go to music class, defiance any time they don't get to choose or they have to wait or share etc. So many incident reports. Coworkers have quit over this child. Sometimes it's aggression, sometimes it's an impulse control issue, but even hugs are *very* rough squeezing.
When baby A was younger, they would cry when their sibling ran up to them- which, I don't blame A. As I'm doing handover with baby A in the parent's arms, I'll have to stop and tell M to stop biting the baby's foot, or twisting their ankle. M frequently tries to lift A despite them crying and struggling and reaching for Mom or Dad. Dad reports that A doesn't like hugs and isn't cuddly... but A climbs into my lap all of the time, and I think is fairly affectionate- it just has to be on their terms, and I respect that. I think A's personal boundaries (which babies do have!)get violated a lot at home. The issue I'm having now is that A has aged up to the young toddler room and is hitting CONSTANTLY.
But it's not aggressive. Their friend arrives, they are visibly excited... they go over and start repeatedly hitting their friend, and are confused when friend gets mad. To A, it's an invitation to play. At home, with siblings and cousins, baby A's cheeks will get pinched hard with a laugh, so A will laugh and it'll turn into funny faces. But when A squeezes a friend's face at school, friend gets mad and bites A.
Because the parents have had such poor boundaries with M, now A is confused about what is a friendly touch and what is not. It's getting to the point that friends are rejecting A and hitting A or pushing them away before A can hit, which is further confusing A.
A is a very social young toddler, and honestly very sweet... they're just being raised in a lawless environment. Because A is being raised with extended family, they are used to watching older children. A frequently comes up to children who are actively playing with a toy or a puzzle- just to watch and see what they're doing- but since A has a penchant for hitting- their classmates assume A is trying to *take* the toy and hysterics result. It's unfortunate. Now that they're wary of A, little A can't even engage in onlooker play.
Unfortunately, M's behavior is starting to rub off- or maybe this is how M's behavior issues started too. Because A's boundaries are violated so often- their cues are missed and nonverbal communication is unrecognized- A doesn't recognize that their friends have boundaries, too, and A is sensitive and stubborn about being made to do things that A doesn't want to do. When transitioning, if I try to hold A's hand and guide them, they will sit down and refuse to walk at all, hanging their full body weight from my hand if I try to encourage A to stand.
If A and another child are arguing over a toy and I pull it out of A's hands for a moment- even if I ultimately give it back to them and find an alternate toy for the friend... they'll refuse to take it back out of principle. Obviously a replacement toy is out of the question as well. At mealtime, A becomes frustrated when friends are eating from from the cafeteria that mom doesn't allow, and A has home cooked food. A is a good eater, but as refused to eat at all because they wanted what I was passing out. I had to wait until everyone else was finished eating and cleaned up, and then served A again. This time A scarfed everything down in less than 5 minutes.
Even trying to teach gentle hands is a struggle. When a child hits me, I usually take their hand and demonstrate a soft touch on myself, but A doesn't want to let me move their hand and throws a closed eyes, arched back fit! I feel that *literally* strong-arming A into performing a "gentle touch" defeats the purpose, so I've been trying to teach gentle touch when A is relaxed and playing instead of after A hits. I still tell A gentle touch after hitting, and I touch A and myself gently to demonstrate in that moment. I frown and tell A that hitting hurts.
It doesn't help that the family is bilingual and only speaks their native language with A at home, so there is an additional hurdle to overcome.
At pickup, I've witnessed A playfully put their fingers into Dad's mouth, and Dad pretends to bite A's fingers. A squeals, and they repeat this game a few times. The next week, A is bitten three times because A keeps forcing their hands into friends' mouths, and A is upset and confused when their friends bite down.
This child is BARELY over a year and already having power struggles, meltdowns, and difficulty having positive social interactions with friends.
I believe that *so* much of this is due to the parents refusing to set and enforce consistent boundaries with M, and failing to attune and attach to A, because all of their attention is now going to their "problem child." Sometimes they pick up M early for one-on-one time or activities, and leave poor A until 2 minutes before closing. While they're now accepting that M needs extra help, they seem completely oblivious to the fact that A is already demonstrating similar behavior. It goes without saying that these children are among the first to be dropped off, and the last to leave.
I've tried to speak with the parents about it- not in a blaming way, of course, but coming from an angle of what we could try in order to improve baby A's experience and help them be successful at school. Unfortunately they think that A is "just a baby" and I get the impression that they don't *really* respect what I do- though I've noticed that they do sometimes ask M's teachers for advice on managing behavior. We have a good rapport, and I believe they like me personally. I just suspect they're the type of people who don't really view babies and young children as real people yet, if that makes sense? So while they're grateful to me, they see me on par with say, a dog walker. If the dog walker had concerns about your dog's psychological development and wanted you to change the way you raise your dog, you might think, "whoa, slow your roll. You're not a veterinarian or animal behavioralist... you're just a low-wage dog walker. I'm just asking you to walk him and pick up the poop for me, not determine whether he feels complete in terms of self actualization." They're not overly friendly, but not unkind either. That being said, I don't expect them to be actively involved in working on this issue. I don't suspect abuse or intentional neglect- they are actively involved in making decisions about what the children eat and wear, and are relatively affectionate. They clearly love their children and are doing the best they know how to do. Their entire extended family is very close knit and raise their children the same way, so all of the cousins are very rough and have very similar behavior- A is the youngest.
Has anyone successfully rehabilitated a toddler who was raised in a rough household? Any suggestions for helping A have positive interactions with peers, or for creating opportunities for A to exert their independence and autonomy in positive ways?
I try to offer choices as much as possible, but I'm also trying to keep my language very simple when I speak directly to A, since they don't hear English at home. So far, even trying to prompt A to make a choice seems to trigger a fair amount of demand avoidance.
Any suggestions, advice, or similar accounts would be helpful! I'd prefer the feedback of ECE professionals, but I wouldn't turn away a parent with relevant experience and advice!