u/MrX0K

Before we get started just wanted to be clear

- I am only looking for fluent English speakers.

Now

I want to find some people i can hop in a discord VC with and chat about stuff in English. My sole purpose of doing this is to polish my spoken English and get someone in my age group to talk to (i dont really have any real friends).

I got an A\* in my O Levels English language so i guess i am pretty good at understanding and reading English but i have little to 0 experience in actually conversing.

I used to be able to speak quite fluently but due to a childhood betrayal on stage i got stage fright, anxiety and have trouble even speaking normally.

My stage fright is so bad that let alone a crowd, i cant even make a point in front of 3 people without my heart pounding.

Yes, i was kind of an introvert but it was not this bad. It only got worse when i got braces for my teeth and by the time i got them off, i kind of stutter occasionally.

I have no one really to talk to. Except for a select few days, i have spent the past 4 years of my life away from people my age. Its gotten soo bad i think there are probably days where i havent spoken a word.

These days i accompany my father in his business so i dont even remember when i last spoke to a guy my age.

So i really want to change this.

So anyone who want to hang around on discord, maybe do some activity, play some game etc, im down. I am 20M so no one older than 24-25 please.

As I have mentioned, i am an introvert, so i have a problem with speaking and talking about things, so anyone who can point out my mistakes is much appreciated. My purpose of doing this is purely to improve myself and get over this hurdle that has been affecting my life for the past 5 years. Anyone willing to show some kindness is appreciated. Thanks

Before we get started just wanted to be clear

- I am only looking for fluent English speakers.

Now

I want to find some people i can hop in a discord VC with and chat about stuff in English. My sole purpose of doing this is to polish my spoken English and get someone in my age group to talk to (i dont really have any real friends).

I got an A\* in my O Levels English language so i guess i am pretty good at understanding and reading English but i have little to 0 experience in actually conversing.

I used to be able to speak quite fluently but due to a childhood betrayal on stage i got stage fright, anxiety and have trouble even speaking normally.

My stage fright is so bad that let alone a crowd, i cant even make a point in front of 3 people without my heart pounding.

Yes, i was kind of an introvert but it was not this bad. It only got worse when i got braces for my teeth and by the time i got them off, i kind of stutter occasionally.

I have no one really to talk to. Except for a select few days, i have spent the past 4 years of my life away from people my age. Its gotten soo bad i think there are probably days where i havent spoken a word.

These days i accompany my father in his business so i dont even remember when i last spoke to a guy my age.

So i really want to change this.

So anyone who want to hang around on discord, maybe do some activity, play some game etc, im down. I am 20M so no one older than 24-25 please.

As I have mentioned, i am an introvert, so i have a problem with speaking and talking about things, so anyone who can point out my mistakes is much appreciated. My purpose of doing this is purely to improve myself and get over this hurdle that has been affecting my life for the past 5 years. Anyone willing to show some kindness is appreciated. Thanks

Before we get started just wanted to be clear

• I am only looking for fluent English speakers.

Now

I want to find some people i can hop in a discord VC with and chat about stuff in English. My sole purpose of doing this is to polish my spoken English and get someone in my age group to talk to (i dont really have any real friends).

I got an A* in my O Levels English language so i guess i am pretty good at understanding and reading English but i have little to 0 experience in actually conversing.

I used to be able to speak quite fluently but due to a childhood betrayal on stage i got stage fright, anxiety and have trouble even speaking normally.

My stage fright is so bad that let alone a crowd, i cant even make a point in front of 3 people without my heart pounding.

Yes, i was kind of an introvert but it was not this bad. It only got worse when i got braces for my teeth and by the time i got them off, i kind of stutter occasionally.

I have no one really to talk to. Except for a select few days, i have spent the past 4 years of my life away from people my age. Its gotten soo bad i think there are probably days where i havent spoken a word.

These days i accompany my father in his business so i dont even remember when i last spoke to a guy my age.

So i really want to change this.

So anyone who want to hang around on discord, maybe do some activity, play some game etc, im down. I am 20M so no one older than 24-25 please.

As I have mentioned, i am an introvert, so i have a problem with speaking and talking about things, so anyone who can point out my mistakes is much appreciated. My purpose of doing this is purely to improve myself and get over this hurdle that has been affecting my life for the past 5 years. Anyone willing to show some kindness is appreciated. Thanks

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Note: no sympathys required here, only reply if you have genuine advice. And no need to get worried. I am not suicidal and see more hope in living than dying.

My childhood memories have started to get hazy. I mean I remember everything but it just feels foreign. Its like i am watching someone else on a videotape.

Although i am an introvert, I used to be a happy kid. I had my dreams, my hobbies, my passion. I used to have a lot of people to talk to and a lot of things to talk about. It was not too long ago. I will turn 20 this year.

I used to laugh. I dont remember how many years it has been since i laughed from my heart. I have tried it in front of a mirror, the best i can manage is a stiff smile, the same one i show to entertain guests.

I find no joy in anything. Everything slowly stared getting grey for me. I dont remember when i last opened youtube, or insta. I spend half my day listening to sad/nostalgic song and tear up every once in a while. I dont feel sad. Its just empty. I dont know how to explain it. I dont know if it is normal for guys my age. But i no longer feel joy in anything, not in books, not in movies or tv shows, nothing. I used to love these as a child.

I dont know what to do. Sometimes i would just sit/lay staring at the wall/cealing lost in thoughts for hours (one time nearly 3 hours).

My sleep schedule i screwed. I dont remember when i last had a dream. All i see is darkness in my dreams. Void. Sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night, sweating bullets in an air conditioned room, and i don't feel anything, no nightmares, no night terrors, no fear, no anger or any kind of shock. I dont know why i wake up.

I have migranes alot.

I come from a decent well off family, i have no bills to worry about, my parents are alive and care about me. So family or tough living conditions are not a problem.

I cant come to understand what is wrong with me. I want to feel again. Care again, want again. I want my heart to anticipate for something. Anything.

I am open to any suggestions from anyone who has beeb through this and successfully navigated their way out.

If i were to say my problem in a sentence, it would probably be that my heart is dead.