Welcome to the Jungle: Fatigue
Martin started to sob uncontrollably. His breathing turned into heavy gasps.
“M-Martin, c-calm down,” I said, trying to keep my own emotions in check. I looked over to the commander, expecting to see him attempting to defuse the situation. To call Martin a sissy, or a bonehead. But the brave, stoic figure we’ve come to know had turned into a husk of his former self. He just stood there in silence, looking at Martin with glazed eyes.
“Commander, what do we do? Every time we attempt to head toward the beach, we end up back at this fucking clearing.” I waited for a response but was only met with a look of sadness and confusion.
“Answer me! You have to have a plan or some fucking idea for how to handle the situation we’re in!” Anger began to boil in me like a raging fire. The commander finally spoke.
“We wait here. There’s nothing else to do. Nothing.” The moment he spoke those words, Martin stopped his sobs and looked up at the commander with a look of venom in his eyes.
“What do you mean, 'Wait here'? Huh! You mean to tell us that waiting here with our thumbs up our asses is a good idea! Listen to yourself!” Martin stood back up on his feet, his knees noticeably covered in a dusty layer of dirt. He shook with rage and grief.
“Martin, we’ll figure something out. There has to be a way out of here, I’m sure of it!” I spoke to Martin with a sense of false hope. I had to lie even to myself that we could make it out of this hellhole.
“Well then, let's go. If you're sure, then move your ass back toward the tree-line with me!” Martin grabbed the collar of my uniform, gripping it and pulling on it with a slight tug. His breath smelled of rot.
“Martin!” my commander finally spoke in an authoritative tone. Martin let go of my uniform and balled his fist up.
“You will listen to me, soldier. You are to remain here!”
“Oh, and what, starve myself to death! For fuck's sake, do you even think about the words that come out of your mouth! Or are you too busy pretending to be this hardened, heroic man, who in reality is just as scared as a fucking kid!” Martin’s voice oozed with venom. He was right; the commander was breaking under the pressure. He was losing that touch that would make a soldier straighten up with the snap of his voice. Martin could see that, and knew orders were practically subjective now.
“Martin, calm down. Think this through. It's no better to go off into the forest just to circle back to here!”
“You know what, you two sit here like the stubborn fools you are and starve to death! I’ll find my own way out of this fucking place!” Before I could say anything, Martin grabbed his rifle and stomped over to the sea of vegetation.
Hours passed and there was no sign of Martin returning. It caused all the emotions from before to funnel into one. Fear. Fear was the only thing I felt. He should have been back by now. He should have circled back to the clearing by now.
“Commander? Do... do you think he found some way back toward the beach? He must have, right?” The commander looked at me, then tilted his head back down. I wanted to shout at him in anger again, but I felt the situation was already bad enough. No point making it any worse.
The tension still hung over us like a parasite. It ate away at anything positive I could think of, replacing it with dark thoughts. Thoughts of fear and delusion. Thoughts that would end up with me dead. I started to think Martin was right about Nixon. I think Nixon got off easy. He got the comfort of death and we—
No. No, I was thinking like a fool. We would get out of this even if it meant I had to crawl my way back. Even if it meant I had to see the sight of this clearing a hundred more times. I would get out of this hell we’ve been subjected to.
My thoughts came to a screeching halt when I heard a twig snap. The sound seemed to draw the commander's attention as well. The dark thoughts came back; my mind began to flood with dread and paranoia.
My guard lowered when I saw a familiar figure. It was Martin. Wait, something was off.
In the pale moonlight, he shuffled toward us. A coat of crimson covered his face. He was muttering to himself over and over. His face frozen in a state of perpetual shock. His pupils were dilated to an almost animalistic degree. My commander took note of this, and his old self seemed to break through.
“Martin! What happened, soldier?!” Martin didn’t react; he just kept walking and muttering to himself.
“Soldier! Look at me. What happened?” my commander said in an almost compassionate voice. Martin finally stopped and looked at him with a detached stare.
“I killed us. I killed us.”
“What do you mean, soldier?” Before my commander could ask again, Martin raised his rifle. He gripped the bolt, cocking it back with a hushed metallic echo following suit.
“Martin, stop! We’re… we’re your friends!” I yelled, pleading with Martin, hoping sense would return to him. It did nothing. He raised the rifle and aimed it at our commander.
“Martin! Sto—” The sound of roaring gunfire rang in my ears. I looked at our commander and saw him go limp. A dark stain began to spread where the bullet had struck. I looked back at Martin. I looked at him with fear.
And with this sense of fear gnawing at me, I ran.