Did cutting off your mom genuinely make you feel better?
My mom and I had a huge argument earlier this week and I’m wondering if I’m over reacting. I still live at home but am searching for places to move out that are in my price range and after this argument, I’m contemplating going no contact. Currently things have calmed down but only because I backed down with my boundary.
For context, my mother has bipolar and refuses to get medicated for it. She has a therapist but she weaponizes it against me saying that her therapist told her that I’m a bad child and I treated her bad when I was a teen (I’m 25 now) Our argument earlier this week sprung up because she was throwing hangers on the floor and told me I need to pick ones I want and that I can’t put them in a laundry basket when they are in my way. Said she doesn’t believe me when I told her I’d put them away and said “Well I don’t believe you because your father always lies about doing something for me but never follows through.” All of this said with a rude tone. I kind of hit a breaking point because this is something she does all the time. Blames everything on everyone else and uses it as an excuse to be mean. Ever since I was 14, I’ve tried to set a boundary that I don’t like hearing bad things about my dad or my sisters. Anytime I restate it, it blows up and that’s what happened this time. She flipped and started talking trash on my sister and saying how bad my sister is and how bad my dad treats her and she’s allowed to talk to me about it. I told her that it hurts to hear bad things about my loved ones. Ended up with her saying “Well I guess I’m just the worst mom ever”.
She went upstairs and started throwing stuff and slamming doors. I texted her (so I had proof of what was said) that my boundary stands but I love her and care about her. Well that set her off even more. She said “You have a lot of nerve young lady.” Said I’m acting holier than thou because I’m acting calm. Says she sees me for who I truly am now and that I never care about her or her feelings, I’m a manipulator, continues to say mean things about my dad and sisters and backs it up with all the horrible things she went through and how I’ll never understand. This tactic of blaming her meanness on the fact she was abused as a kid is a common thing that happens most days. Everyday she complains about something and it’s usually the same things over and over. My dad, my sisters, her step mom, me. So she kinda has a point. I don’t care much anymore because I hear it all the time. But I’ve never been rude in my response to it.
I don’t want to keep rambling but the rest of the argument escalated into her saying I’m not allowed to set boundaries with her, I’m a brat, I’m mean, she doesn’t want to hear about my hobbies anymore because I’m boring, I’m lazy, I’m a manipulator, I’m a liar, I’m selfish. She set the “boundary” that I’m not allowed to talk to her anymore. All of this while she gets in my face and legit starts clapping in my face. I finally scream my head off saying I can’t take it anymore. Ends with her kicking me out. She started throwing my stuff on the floor too. She got mad that my dad ended up interfering because he didn’t want to hear the yelling and she blames me for adding to the strain in her marriage. She said it was manipulative of me to do that when I reality, she called my dad earlier in the day to complain about me. I wasn’t even going to tell him.
Yesterday she finally calmed down but said that she is allowed to say whatever she wants to me because she needs constant reassurance for her past trauma and it doesn’t matter that I’m her kid and don’t want to hear it. I remained quiet.
The thing is, I know I’m not the perfect child and I have stuff to work on, but nothing actually bad or worthy of being spoken to like that. I forget to vaccum a lot or do my dishes but that’s about the extent of it.
I’m basically in survival mode now. She said I can stay until I can find a place and save up. But I’m so hurt. So extremely hurt. Idk how I can keep doing this but I don’t know if going no contact would actually help or just make things worse for my dad and sisters.
Thoughts??