u/Mysterious-Art-3493

When Gia walked out saying she needed the toilet, she asked producers where Juliette is. After they said she’s gone, she asked them to de-mic her and she asked them to call her an uber home. As soon as she got into the lift, she said something like “I can’t keep copping it all the time. It’s not fair. Bec’s always talking shit about me non stop to everyone, the focus is never on me and Scott, it’s about everyone else around me and it’s not fair.”

After I heard her say that, I just KNEW all she wanted this whole time was the limelight to be on her. She really is just a mean girl. Her, Bec and Juliette make my blood BOIL. There’s times where I felt bad for Bec and Gia, but overall I CANNOT stand them.

Me and my partner had a conversation yesterday and for the first time, he’s actually been honest with me as soon as I asked him a question.

I asked him if within the last couple months he’s searched up porn on any app, he actually said yes. He didn’t lie nor hesitate. He just said yes. He told me he didn’t remember what exactly he searched, but he told me it was on Reddit. For the first time since I found out about any of this (a year now), he’s actually just been honest with me. I’ve told him time and time again to just be honest with me when I ask because every time I ask, I already know the answer. This time though? I have no idea and I genuinely just wanted to know.

So yeah, for the first time in a year, I’ve finally had a straight up answer and I think that was all I needed to begin rebuilding my trust for him again.

Also regarding my latest post, I did actually ask him if shows with sexual content in them are a trigger for him and he said no. I believe him due to his explanation and our previous conversations about why he watches/watched porn.

I think things may finally be getting better and I truly hope he stays being honest with me straight away and just telling me things even if I don’t ask. I finally see hope for this relationship

I was doing a check on his phone when I randomly thought to check him emails and see if he has any accounts on there I’ve missed. I go onto “add other account” and a random email address pops up, I click on it to be met with “this account has recently been deleted” blah blah blah. I’ve typed in the password I assume it is and it asked for an email address to contact when it’s been recovered, I’ve put mine in. Now it’s just a waiting game for the email to be recovered.

I’m hoping it’s just an old email address he had and remembered he had it and deleted it, but knowing how these addicts work, it’s probably a secret one full of porn he thought he could hide from me.

So, just a tip to every addicts partner - check their “add new email address” and “manage email addresses on this device”. You never know what you might find

If he wasn’t a PA and had never touched porn at all in his life, I genuinely wouldn’t care. But my god, just watching him watch these actresses in these skimpy outfits and shaking their ass etc (in the new season) makes me so angry. The way he’s just so casual about this too. He hasn’t bat an eyelid and it’s making me so angry. Games? I don’t care about those unless I find out he gets turned on by them. Movies, shows etc? Absolutely not. I doubt it’s a trigger for him, but it still makes me extremely anxious and on edge. I hate this so much. Please tell me other people can relate?

I’ve noticed since finding out he’s a PA, I now cringe and get so anxious anytime anything even the slightest bit sexual comes on. When I’m on my own though? I’m perfectly fine. Why does this shit have to literally change my outlook on everything. I hate this and I despise the fact he’s made me this way.

I had a really bad gut feeling to check his phone this morning, went through the apps I usually start with (Reddit, snap, Facebook), I found nothing on those. Then I went through his TikTok and instagram, went through his recent searches and link history (tells you what links he’s recently viewed/clicked on) and I find some fanvue model on there that he’s previously viewed and (maybe) subscribed to before. I’m heartbroken. He has a porn quitting app and I set up a screen time for him with his permission (he’s unable to look up ANY adult content, he can’t access incognito browser nor can be delete browsing history). I got so angry and upset that I’ve now deleted the screen time and I’ve told him to just waste his money and look up whatever he wants because I’m fed up.

I’m a bigger girl and he’s on the thinner side. This all hurts more because EVERY SINGLE WOMAN he looks at is skinny. I’ve never once seen him looking at bigger women or even curvier women, they’re always skinny and have the perfect body, boobs and butt. I’ve been in a relationship before this one where he just randomly blurted out how he isn’t sexually attracted to me anymore and that he would be if I lost weight. I was the exact same weight when we first met all the way until the end of our relationship a couple years ago. We were together for a year and a half and that small comment caused me to go downhill with my mental health issues and body issues. I stopped eating properly for a good 6-8 months and I’m only now getting back on track. Now I know my boyfriend doesn’t care about the way I look and I know he does love my body, but when he’s ONLY viewing skinny women, I can’t help but feel like I’m not good enough for him or anyone and it hurts so bad. I wish I was as pretty as them.

I’ve just been through his phone, I went on TikTok (as usual) and I look through his search history, ads link history, and watch history. I come across a video that states “how to find the not so PG videos on this app!” And I scroll the comments to see what they said, I looked through his search history, lo and behold he’s looked up EVERY SINGLE SUGGESTION. I will be confronting him about this as soon as he’s awake because for all I knew, he was 15+ days porn free, yet he’s going out of his way to find OTHER ways to look at porn because he can’t incognito it anymore because I’ve set up a screen time for him.

I’m so fed up and I don’t think he truly realises just how fucked up and crazy all this is making me feel. Heres to yet another day of him finding ways to look up porn and maybe even using it 💔

As the title says, I think I hate him. I only started noticing it within the past week. I get upset and annoyed with him whenever he so much as looks at me now. He's been 12-13 days porn free and within that time, I've started hating him. Sometimes I wake up and just want to go back to sleep so I don't have to spend a second with him. I try get him to do things without me now, every time he talks to me I literally just want to scream and yell at him to shut up, he's always checks in with me to see if I want to talk about this porn issue of his, or if I'm just okay in general. I know it's normal for partners of PA's to feel like this, but I don't want to feel this way. Sometimes when he's asleep next to me, I look over at him and all I can think of is the porn and I just stare at him with disgust.

Is there any way at all to stop this from happening?

I need advice, is there any possible way to heal from this betrayal and also grow as a partner at the same time? I'm fed up of being on high alert all the time, constantly scanning every little thing my partner says and does, going through every inch of his phone just for piece of mind. We've both noticed that since I found everything last year, I'm WAY more argumentative, get upset easier, I'm constantly picking apart his behaviour and what he says (He's genuinely a sweet guy, the only issue is the porn). He's never once put me down for feeling unworthy or constantly getting upset about the porn/OF/websites he visits, he's always been understanding and I can genuinely see he's trying. I just feel like unless I begin healing, I'll always be stuck in this headspace and I don't want that anymore.

I just can't keep living like this. It breaks me and I'm so tired of living on high alert all the time. My libido's rarely here anymore, I'm constantly stressing myself out when the majority of the time, he hasn't even touched porn in a while.

So, what can I do to heal? I'm currently looking at getting therapy but the waiting lists are so long where I am!

I feel so annoyed. Not only has he done this behind my back, but he's also been sat also dissing people with me who pay for content.

I've told him, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I feel sick, I hate myself so much. I hate what he's done but he's such a lovely boyfriend apart from this situation. He's downloaded an app to (hopefully) help him quit porn and he's even allowed me to put things in place so I can always find out if he's accessed any websites (he came up with the idea btw from researching). I just feel so broken and lonely. I have nobody I can talk to about this and I hate it.