u/MysteriousReach383

Before I start I wanna say that's totally okay to prefer one style over another and that's expected, but that's not what I am gonna talk about.

I often hear (in the pole community) talks about how some people train strength more vs some train more flow.

And I don't want to sound rude but it's usually girls that struggle with flow and looking elegant that say things like " I have so much strength and that's why flowy spin stuff is not for me".
It's giving jealousy.

So, let me tell you something. You absolutely need strength to lift yourself with straight knees and toes, keep your back straight and engaged and not sloppy, arms engaged etc. That girl that looks "soft" and like she's flying, she is an athlete. Those seamless transitions? That shit is hard. Quite contrary of your words, she may have even more strength than you or you are on a similar level in terms of strength but not in skill.

You're not more than someone that does spinning combos just because you do static combos and don't pay attention to straight lines.
Also, she doesn't look beautiful because she is "naturally flexible", she looks beautiful because she trains those combos.

So, unless you're doing some Olympic level gymnastics stuff on the pole, don't overestimate yourself while underestimating others' effort just because you don't care about the aesthetic part of pole dancing.

Yeah, I may have been inspired by an irl talk but I had to write it somewhere. Sometimes there is toxic comparison in our community that needs to be addressed.

We (25F and 27M) met through a dating app. We are still not official.
He is objectively attractive, handsome and fit, which ticks the boxes for initial attraction. The thing is, as our relationship progresses I get more and more turned off. It's not like I feel any disgust, but kinda...nothing? I find him boring.

Initially, there was some chemistry but now I feel like it's wearing off instead of becoming stronger. I know people say that you should not focus on butterflies because they're sign of anxiety and blah blah, but being on the other side of the spectrum also doesn't feel nice.

I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he will show another side of him but it just doesn't happen. We always talk about the same three topics, we don't really have the same sense of humor, music, film or book taste(he isn't even into those things), we don't really share the same values...we only have common hobby and that's about it. Whenever I try to initiate a different conversation other than about the same boring everyday things, he seems like he can't continue it. I mean, he has better communication skill irl instead of online(thanks God), but still, it feel superficial. Even our sex is not really enjoyable for me, like we don't seem compatible even in that part. Maybe it's due to the lack of attraction, idk. He's enjoying it more.

The dates are also kinda meh, we went out a couple of times and now he just doesn't initiate it anymore, it's becoming more of him just inviting me to his place instead of suggesting we do things together.

I kinda wanted to give this guy a chance because he seems good. On paper( stable job, education, isn't arrogant, basic stuff like that). In reality, we text and talk all the time and I don't feel excited to exchange words with him at all. I am kinda shy at first and then open up if I see that our vibes match, but in this case I fee like I'm becoming even more reserved.

The thing is, I've never been in a relationship before(only dated people, but not many) and because of that I feel like I don't have that many options to choose from so settling is better for me than chasing high standards.

Am I overreacting? Should I just see where things go? Like I said, I don't really have that much dating experience and don't really know if other people feel like this to. My friend says I'm kinda spoiled lol. Maybe I am. What do you think about this situation?

TL;DR: I don't feel chemistry and excitement over my new potential partner and don't know if it's worth it to continue to see him or end things.

I don't really want to be a negative person, but I feel like I'm so deep in attention seeking through pole dance that some days my feelings really make me cry.

I don't really feel appreciated in what I do. I don't think people watch my videos, stories, nor take inspiration feom me.

This whole social media posting is making me feel like I have to seek approval from people to feel like I do something that is worth it, while performing in front of a population that doesn't care. It feels like I'm constantly waiting for someone to tell me that my trick is great or my flow is sexy to feel like it actually is. And when I don't get any compliments, I feel like I failed.

Like no one gets what I do or that they don't see me as good enough to say it. Lack of feedback serves as confirmation of my thoughts - no matter what I do, I stay in the shadow.

I don't really know if I wanted advice or just to express myself somewhere with people that (hopefull) get it. I am glad this forum exists.

...that needs to be said. Yeah, I'm judging.

You can't tell people that "you don't lack strength, you just don't know how to do it". I saw a post of an instructor(with like 10+ years of experience) promoting some of her courses of whatever with the premise that you can learn phoenix in just a few tries because you don't lack strength, but technique! Girl, please.

Another thing that bothers me and I see so often is dancers posting tutorials and the tutorial is just getting into the positions without explaining what muscles should do, and how to apply the force. I know that pole dancers can't also be anatomy experts, but if you are teaching biomechanically complex sport, you must learn the basics of anatomy and physics. No excuses.

Third thing that really irritates me - posting tutorials about beginners and the whole tutorial is just intermediate combo but without inverts. Pulling yourself into a pull up, holding positions far away from the pole, doing seven moves in 30 seconds and doing an ayesha at the end is not beginner honey. Like I said before - education comes first. If you were a gymnast your whole life and did handstands on your first class, please remember that majority of people do not have that background.

Learning advanced moves is hard and requires advanced basis. Full stop. You can't just learn by watching and copying or adjusting a finger and then boom, you just magically do a satellite.

Shout out to the instructors that take time to remind us how much strength training is important, how different bodies can do different things easier or harder(again, physics), how to properly engage the muscles needed(yeah, shoulder shrugs are not enough) etc etc.

Pole dancing is really weird activity and should be taught in depth, not superficially and just from experience. If people can pay so much attention to how they do one squat in the gym, I think our superhuman twists also deserve their spotlight.

That's my first post in this sub, a little bit of ranting.