u/Mystic__Diamond

Once again, this isn't what I want to happen but it's just the funniest way I can imagine Euphoria ending, outside of a "it was all just a dream Rue had while in a coma" ending. The true "Sam spiting everyone for calling him a misogynistic hack" ending.

Ready?

All the main characters die except Lexi. Rue gets killed in the crossfire between Laurie and Alamo. Maddy gets killed by Alamo because that man has like a hundred guns on him and Maddy is only 23 and has only manipulated dumb ppl like Cassie, there's no way she can outplay a criminal like Alamo. Nate either dies from all those infections he caught from losing his toes and fingers or just offs himself because he realizes that even if he gets out of debt, the only thing he can look forward to is married life with Cassie and that's not fucking worth it. Cassie kills herself because Nate is dead. Ellis reveals that he's a wannabe serial killer and kills Jules because that happens a lot to trans sex workers and gets away with it because he's rich.

After attending a long succession of funerals, Lexi finally knows what she is meant to do: write. She spends weeks writing screenplays about the ugly lives and deaths of her friends and family. Final scene will be that random acquaintance she had in Episode 6 reading the scripts and telling her "this feels misogynistic and exploitative, are you sure you wanna go through with this?" Lexi goes a monologue about how the shit she writes is real life, which doesn't give a shit about politics or hurting your feelings and that if you watch her show and think "this is unrealistic" then maybe YOU'RE the noob who hasn't lived a real life and how totally isn't Sam ranting at the audience at this point, this is totally all Lexi, yup. And then the final line of the series is Lexi finally calling Fez and asking him "if someone made a film about your life, which actor would you want to cast to play you?"

Roll credits.

Maybe this is just me reading too much into things but does anyone else think (or at least hope) Cassie referencing Antony and Cleopatra in her audition has more storytelling purpose than just her having a big ego and thinking she can do Shakespeare? Like maybe it'll be foreshadowing that Nate and Cassie are destined to kill themselves like Antony and Cleopatra.

I don't know much about the actual Shakespeare play but I do know that historically, Cleopatra committed suicide after she and her lover Marc Antony lost against their political rival, Octavian (the future first Roman emperor Augustus). Antony had killed himself first after losing the battle and Octavian planned to capture Cleopatra and parade her through the streets of Rome as a humiliation to her but Cleopatra killed herself in defiance of that goal.

Maybe Cassie learns that Maddy is setting her up for something terrible and kills herself in order to avoid that fate. Maybe even uses pills like she threatened to do in S2 (and also thought about in her backstory when her nudes got leaked for the first time). Or maybe Nate decides that he'd rather die than continue being the mob's bitch and when Cassie learns about it, she kills herself too. Maybe Nate even kills himself because he realizes his own life insurance is the only way to pay off his debts and/or finally prove to Cassie he's "provided for her" and Cassie makes it all pointless by killing herself too. Or Maddy eggs her to kill herself after Nate's suicide and she steals the life insurance.

I dunno, I'm just hoping this wasn't just a random reference. I also thought that Nate and Cassie's house was yellow as a reference to "The Yellow Wallpaper" but maybe that's expecting too much from this show.

Maddy would make fucking bank if she was willing to part with some clothes and set up a Depop store. And did Jules never consider the idea of selling her art through commissions? Yeah, I know being an online artist doesn't pay much but there's no implication that Jules was financially struggling before becoming a sugar baby (at least Maddy has the excuse of supporting her mom). I don't think there was anything stopping her from just living with her dad.

I honestly wish the show just said Jules was struggling to pay for art school and her sugar daddy paid off her loans, it would actually feel relatable to what Gen Z goes through (but I suppose Sam can't relate to the idea of not being able to pay for college out of pocket).

This isn't about me guessing what would be good for the story or what I would personally want but purely me getting into Sam's headspace and imagining how he would end it.

Ready?

Cassie . . . gets everything she wants. She gets a happy ending and it's a reflection of how in real life, terrible ppl get away with everything and achieve their goals at the expense of others. Her career will end up reflecting Sydney's IRL career where she may have a rabid internet hatedom and maybe a movie of hers flops or something but she's still extremely famous and gets to be in big movies with talented ppl. Maddy either gets screwed over or ends up happily collaborating with Cassie for the money (if she doesn't end up going the pimp route). And Rue's narration will say something about how it's only ppl who completely sell their souls and humiliate themselves who get rich in America. Maybe Lexi is even forced to play nice with her sister and collaborate with her if she wants to also not be poor and struggling.

If we want to get even more meta, Lexi tries to get revenge on Cassie in a subtle way by playing the good, supportive sister and promising to write a screenplay about her that Cassie will definitely star in once it's made into a film. But it's obviously going to be more humiliating pot-shots at her sister's personal life, even more ludicrous than the school play. Rue's narration will be like "Lexi knew this was petty and childish, but she thought this was the only way to get revenge on her sister without also getting destroyed in the process, as long as Cassie is too dim to realize it's about her again. Or maybe Cassie will realize and just not care. And as Lexi continued writing, she realized she didn't care either. Because either way, the Howard sisters were going to be rich and famous beyond their wildest dreams. And isn't all that matters in America?"

It just seems like the most rage-bait-y thing that could happen (beyond doing a "it was all a dream" ending) and honestly, that just seems like all Sam cares about anymore.