u/NOT-4-BOT

It took me a decade or two to get here but I've done it. I'm halfway to 90 days and I don't have any intentions of giving up on retention or on myself. For the most part, what I've known best in my life has been failure. I'm trying to turn things around and move forward.

Honest Assessment:
I'm not Superman by any means. None of my health conditions (from tinnitus to hair thinning and beyond), many of which I attribute to a longterm p/m/o+edging habit, have been positively affected yet. Honestly, I don't expect such profound, life-changing results for another couple months. But one thing I've noticed is that I'm much more readily making and maintaining eye contact with strangers; I seem to have something of a renewed sense of confidence and self worth.

I think it's important to keep in mind that our collective reality has been flipped. Oftentimes, up is down, left is right and so on. There is a concerted effort to keep men down and out and that's no longer a conspiracy theory to anyone with eyes to see and ears to hear.

I figure it like this: if you want to thrive like the 1%, you can't survive like the 99%.

I'm on my second longest retention effort ever. Record: 42 days.

Unless I come across suggestive content online (and let's all be honest: it happens), I have zero urges. And this is coming from someone who has engaged in p/m/o and edging longterm, having edged for hours at a time over multiple sessions each week for many more years than I care to specify. Even when an impulsive thought crosses my mind, I'm able to get over it within a minute or less. The secret is knowing, from experience, exactly what happens if I give in and not only in the moment but afterwards as well.

I present with more than a handful of manifestations of depletion. Some are physical, others are mental, emotional and spiritual. All are very real. I need to look no further to know or remember why I'm retaining.

Are there times when I'm inclined to get back to what'd become my go-to way of thinking, say "fuck it" and carry on as if nothing I do will make any difference whatsoever? Sure. I've had a defeatist mindset for as long as I can remember at this point. Nothing really goes my way. What I've come to realize, though, is that while retention may or may not help me reverse the conditions of my being and existence, p/m/o will surely only exacerbate and perpetuate them.

By retaining, I feel like I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

And sorry to disappoint but I've yet to see marked improvements in any area of my life. But I recognize that I've done far more damage to myself than is correctable in a month. I'm happy with where I'm at and I'm poised to keep going so that I can create for myself a life worth living.

At the very least, I reclaimed 40-50 hours that I'd otherwise have wasted on being a self-loathing degenerate. That's a relatively small win but it feels good.

Back to ChatGPT. Since when? I've not used the browser in like 4 days.

Does Sync actually work for anyone? Can't get a thing to sync between two Macs. Obviously logging into the same Mozilla account. No tabs, no workspaces, no bookmarks, etc.

I was hoping for the same seamless experience I'd come to know on Arc and this is anything but that tbh.

People here often discuss skin, hair, nail and gut issues alongside physical conditions, be it chronic fatigue, muscle soreness or otherwise. Mental and emotional health are also regular topics.

This is primarily for those who take semen retention seriously:
What are some conditions that you've healed or reversed by retaining?

I'm wondering about anything from acne flareups to chronic degenerative diseases.

For me, on my latest streak, I've noticed far less cracking of joints when I stretch certain ways and my persistent and ongoing tinnitus that I've had for years seems to be less severe. I'm working on improving my gut health, primarily addressing intestinal permeability.

Day 33 for me and going strong. Urges basically at zero since I'm over feeling like shit.

I don't attribute this fully to SR but it's definitely out of the ordinary.

I currently work in the gig economy (rock bottom, I know). One of my gigs is as a rideshare driver. Yesterday, I picked up a girl who ended up giving me her number and asking me if I'd drive her from time to time, off the books. I agreed.

She ends up texting me today to let me know she could use a ride to a friend's house at some point. She's offering me $50 for 14 miles which is literally 4x what Uber would pay for such a ride. Alright, cool.

I get to her place and she comes out with two bottles: booze and a chaser. We start talking and I could tell she's buzzed but nowhere near drunk. At this point, I'm relieved because I hate driving wasted idiots (especially since I myself don't drink). I said something about thirsty Thursday at some point – a joke probably – and she replied as if I'd made some kind of sexual remark. There was no intent whatsoever on my part. She was all like, "omg, you're crazy." I could tell she was bring flirtatious throughout the ride.

She got into telling me about why she gave me her number. She first talked about "annoying women drivers" and "creepy guy drivers" but quickly moved on to "vibes" and "connection." She told me she liked me and that we should hang out.

Mind you, the whole time, I think I'm being painfully awkward. I'm a great conversationalist but probably much less so with attractive females than with most others. She is not "most others" so do the math.

Absolutely nothing against this girl (I'll probably continue driving her and maybe we'll even become friends) but she reminds me of those I'd hang out with in a "past life." In my more social days, this is how it usually went, before p/m/o made me a recluse. For some reason, despite my awkwardness, I seemed to do better with girls than most of my buddies at the time. Hanging out at clubs and bars, finding dates for afterparties – it was all kinda effortless for the most part.

Before you think this is one of two extremes – me being full of shit or dropping panties left and right – let me finally get to the point. I think the universe threw me a bit of a curve ball tonight. I almost felt like I was being tested a month into my second longest retention streak ever. The thing is that the test resembled what I'd once known well: somewhat problematic females (going out to drink on a Thursday as an indicator) tempting me.

There was only one time ever that I was with a girl I could've seen myself with long term. There would've been another one but I fucked that up before it could even get off the ground. The rest have been... sex, drugs and rock n' roll. Not exactly wife material.

I know this will come off as ridiculous to many of you and might seem like I'm somehow gloating but I promise you I'm not. For once, I wish I could meet a girl who'd make me work for her. It's nice to be getting some attention again but it's not coming from the direction I'm looking in. I almost want someone to friend-zone me initially, someone with standards higher than my own, someone worth having and caring about.

About tonight specifically, I don't think this is random/happenstance. I do 15 rides a day and I don't take days off. I meet more than enough people for this kinda thing to at least be semi regular but it hasn't been. I haven't been retaining, though, and now I am.

This went off on a couple tangents but whatever. I won't edit. Rant over, I guess?

In a nutshell: longtime p/m/o and edging habit, high arousal states at least 2-3x/week.

I've always been skinny and probably technically underweight. This is exaggerated because I'm tall. But I think that my inability to practice sexual restraint throughout the years is what caused this state to persist well beyond puberty. In fact, I'm 99% sure of it.

Is anyone dealing with the same thing? I'm not looking for advice to "hit the gym, bro" because this is a unique situation and my circumstances are such that I'd probably benefit far more from light exercise like walking as opposed to anything that'd potentially worsen my already-depleted state. I'm looking for insight and information from those who potentially know the mechanisms behind this or those who've been here and can relate.

Currently on day 28 of retention (my second longest streak ever). TIA.

I've tried setting it up no less than a dozen times. It simply doesn't work. Meanwhile, Arc remains perfect on this front. Honestly feel like giving up until this really comes together.

I've known about the dangers of p/m/o for... too long. Despite that, I've engaged in it regularly for almost two decades. I'm not gonna go in-depth or overshare as I think it's unnecessary. What might be worth noting, though, is that I don't eat processed garbage and I don't smoke, drink or do drugs (nor have I ever). So while I have caused myself great harm in a way, there are also things I've done right.

Over the years, I've gone from indulging in p/m/o+edging 7x per week to 5x per week to 3-5x per week to 2-3x per week. It's been a long road with a lot of failure. A couple months ago, I managed to go 42 days without – my longest clean streak ever and by far. Since then, the longest I've been able to abstain has been 5-10 days at a time... until now.

I'm currently 25 full days free from p/m/o, on my retention journey.

However, despite my efforts, I continue to be down and out in seemingly countless aspects of life. My health remains extremely subpar (not gonna get into specifics but I think most of my issues were caused or exacerbated by p/m/o), I'm not only broke but thousands of dollars in debt, I've been jobless and in the gig economy since last June, and friends and romantic relationships are nonexistent. I'm also generally unfulfilled and purposeless.

Things simply don't ever seem to go my way.

I'm not looking for a pity party or anything like that. Instead, I'd like to learn from people who take retention seriously and have improved their circumstances beyond what they once thought possible, primarily as a result of sexual restraint. Actually, I'm happy to learn from anyone who isn't a degenerate and has a life worth living.