Orthodox tired of the orthodox
hello everyone.
I apologize for the eventual mistake in my expressio. firstly I’m not an English speaker secondly I’m writing on a phone.
I have been baptized orthodox seven years ago in France. I tell it because it seems we have an orthodox tradition that is relatively moderate compared to what I can read. Olivier Clement and Vladymir Losky’s work really bring me to orthodoxy. more generally the all school of Paris work and the Russian emigration in France which was in the legacy of the council of 1917 ( you know the one that admit that Julian calendar was outdated and that we should translate the office from Slavonic… but the revolution)
I think Im really still aligned with the teaching of this wing of orthodoxy ( globally Neo-patristic / hesychast oriented / modern). our clergy are globally preoccupied with the radicalisation of athonit monk, not big fan of the church of Moscow, preoccupied by the rightist being attracted to orthodoxy etc…
so you would tell me everything is fine.
yes but
- I’m tired of my morning prayer telling me that I´m the worst sinner. I fully understand that it is figurative and not to take at first degree. It means I recognize that I have still progress to do and trust in God not in my own strength. But still I can’t any more. This last day Im just doing the Jesus Prayer
- when I talk to my priest his advise Is globally « hold on be disciplined and God will help you one day » for any problem. It does not help a lot
- and I’m tired of all this guy that are mainly here because they are fire rightist. Yes they are orthodox because they are « pure » but they don’t live Christ they love the recklessness that they find, calling it being in accordonce with the tradition or canon or whatever let them justify their racist, homophobic, reactionary or misogynist. they can they they note judge but they do and they despise.
- to be clear I also am not sure at all that being homosexual is ok regarding the commandment of God. But when I say that I am a sinner too I mean it. which mean that I don’t juge homosexual, I don’t make joke about them, I don’t think they are part of a conspiracy to turn your boy child into a girl, and I do think they can be able to live publically. my sexual behavior is not free of sin after all even though I’m heterosexual. and if eventually there is some homosexual which try to be orthodox as best as they can, they do not need as much love and support as the other but more, because they are probably fighting a harder battle.
I realized recently that my better period in orthodoxy was when I was not able to go to church because I had no car or bicycle and earned 270€ a month. every Sunday I prayed the typical and every day some hours prayer and a lot of Jesus prayer. I really felt being surrounded by God. I also know that my clergy are more on my side, but I’m tired though.
i sometimes consider other denominations but I’m profoundly disagreeing with catholic spirit and theology. I would say Im a convinced Palamist.
protestantism is also non-Palamist to sum up and Im also profound convinced with the fact that you cannot understand Christianity reading the Bible without people introducing you. I made history study and having only text without the context often lead to be completely wrong. I don’t know why it would be different for the Bible. In fact I think Protestant have merits to stick to the Bible but they have a very retroactive vision of the first century Christianity.
to sum up I would say I’m good in Orthodoxy but not with the Orthodox Church
NB : I know that tradition can also lead to corrupted interpretation and that some Protestant are doing a great job to study the context of the Bible. Everything is never back and white I just wanted to explain my objection
Edit : typo