u/Narrow_Confusion_649

A big tree branch just fell from my yard taking out my neighbor's power. I ran out to make sure everyone was okay. They started screaming at me before I could say a word. We have not had a good relationship. I (51F) went inside. I didn't feel safe with several adults yelling at me. I have no one who can help me at home. I live with my husband who was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. I don't know what to do. I called a tree service to cut it up and check out the rest of the tree. I guess it is their responsibility since it fell on their property. I don’t want to be an asshole and would help take care of it especially if they had ever spoken to me civilly. There is also a power line on my roof.

A big tree branch just fell from my yard taking out my neighbor's power. I ran out to make sure everyone was okay. They started screaming at me before I could say a word. We have not had a good relationship. I (51F) went inside. I didn't feel safe with several adults yelling at me. I have no one who can help me at home. I live with my husband who was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. I don't know what to do. I know I need to call a tree service but it is Sunday. I can't cut it up myself. Plus it is on the power line. I left a message. The neighbors called the power company and there is a fire and rescue truck there. If the neighbors weren't screaming at me I would talk to them about trying to get a tree service ASAP. I am afraid to go outside. I know they are going to say I just left them to deal with it but I'm totally freaked out.

UPDATE: They called the power company. I heard them say they were doing that. I called the tree service because I felt like I should do something and I was very shaken from them yelling at me. Thank you everyone for the advice and kindness. When fire and rescue was in their yard I went out and took pictures. The neighbors said nothing to me while they were there. Although I heard them telling them when the power company came to cut the tree out of the line they should put it on my property. One of the guys from the fire crew called over and told me to be careful and not touch my house again because there was a live wire on my house. I didn't know that. The power was back on to their house in about an hour maybe less.

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A big tree branch just fell from my yard taking out my neighbor's power. They are screaming at me. We have not had a good relationship. I (51F) went inside. I didn't feel safe with several grown adults yelling at me. I have no one who can help me at home. I usually do but my family member has cancer and if very ill. I know I need to call a tree service but it is Sunday. If the neighbors weren't screaming at me I would talk to them about trying to get a tree service ASAP. I am afraid to go outside. I know they are going to say I just left them to deal with it but I'm totally freaked out.

My spouse was diagnosed on 5/6/26 with stage 4 lung cancer. They assured us they would move quickly with treatment options. We still don't have chemo scheduled. We live in a rural area and they keep insisting we drive 1 hour and 20 minutes for tests and treatments when there are two closer infusion centers in the same hospital system (they say don't exist). Every time we go the staff at the site asks why we are driving so far when there are closer options. The latest is the insurance denied chemo because they wanted a genetic test. It took 2 weeks for it to be denied. I found out about the blood test today and insisted that they schedule it today and they did. It will take another week to even get results - probably longer with the 4th of July. The nurse at the oncology center keeps saying there is nothing they can do. I asked her if the doctor could do a peer to peer call with the insurance to attempt to get them to allow treatment while the blood test is pending. She said no because the doctor is not in the office until next Monday. I pressed her on why our original doctor is out and the other doctor we were given is out. She said there is another doctor. I sent a message asking if that doctor could do the peer to peer. If not I'm calling to speak to an administrator. I am so livid with these people. Everyday I watch my spouse get thinner and weaker.

UPDATE: I tried to get a clinic manager and had to leave a message. The nurse is very unhelpful and only gave me the number for the person dealing with insurance. Repeatedly did not answer me for any other help or a peer to peer call. I called the insurance and they said the blood test was necessary. They actually called the doctor since the doctor's office did not initiate a peer to peer and the insurance said the doctor's office said the test was medically necessary before treatment. The unhelpful nurse did give a number for someone in the clinic dealing with insurance. I asked that lady why the test wasn't ordered until yesterday if it was necessary for the insurance and she told me she told them to order it and they didn't. Her boss is supposed to be calling me back. I'm FURIOUS.

UPDATE 2: I got connected with the infusion center manager and he got us scheduled for treatment on Thursday! He also connected me with patient services and I made a complaint. Calling every number I could get worked. Most didn't call me back but one of them worked.

What does everyone do to keep from losing yourself if care giving? This seems like such a struggle for most of us. What are things that you do / have done, that have helped even if it is just a little bit?

I'm just starting down this path but I will share what I'm trying.
- hobbies: my spouse and I used to enjoy playing music together. We had to cancel all our gigs when she got sick. She is showing me how to play guitar and it makes us both happy. Even if it is just 15 minutes of her telling me what to play it is a connection to our old selves.
- exercise: I have one friend who has been coming over a few times a week to walk with me. I can leave my spouse alone at this point for a little bit so it is nice to get outside of the house in nice weather and have someone to talk to.

I am so frustrated. I took my spouse to the emergency room on May 1st because I thought she was having a stroke. Turns out that the chronic cough she had had for a year - the one the doctors said was nothing, allergies, or acid reflux - was actually lung cancer that metastasized to the brain among other places - so stage 4. In the hospital, they immediately scheduled brain surgery and said it would take 2 weeks to get a plan to treat the lung cancer. They were going to move fast. We've done brain radiation and physical therapy. We went for a PET scan. Finally met with the oncologist again on 6/15 - so significantly longer than 2 weeks. He made a plan for chemo and now we are still waiting for the insurance to approve it. I hate just sitting here not being able to do anything. I feel like I'm failing in advocating. She keeps getting weaker and losing weight. We had to stop physical therapy because she is always so exhausted and short of breath. I sit here imagining the cancer spreading while we can't do anything. I keep sending messages to the doctor's office and they just tell me we have to wait longer. How do you keep from screaming at these people? I know it is not the nurse's fault. I hate the medical system in the states. It is so freaking stupid. We have a yearly appointment with our GP on Tuesday. I might just lose it with her. You can't treat lung cancer with nasal sprays. I don't even know if we will go to that appointment it seems pointless.

I work full time doing social work at a school. I would like to become a BCBA. I am looking for a 100% online program. I would like to take one class per semester because I am working and care giving for an ill family member. A largely asynchronous program is ok. I don't mind once a week meetings if necessary. I was looking into one program that sounded wonderful but then I found out I have to take 2 classes at a time and meet from 6:00-9:00 2x per week. It will just be too much. I do want a school that is quality and has a high pass rate. Do you have any suggestions?

My mom is in hospice at a nursing home. She is in the one she has always gone to for rehab. It is an hour away from me but she refused any closer places. She was at home for as long as possible. We had nurses and aides visit the house. She got sick and was sent to the hospital and then to the nursing home. At first she wanted them to help her walk and I got her a wheelchair so she could be out of bed. She never did anything more than sit at the edge of the bed. Now she doesn't even do that and can barely move. Up until very recently she has been fairly mentally competent. She is very hard of hearing and that causes a lot of confusion. Over the past month she has started to slip. She forgets when we talked and have visited. She insists that she the staff at the nursing home don't take care of her. She says they won't come in her room and won't give her medicine. I know that the staff does come in her room because when I call I can hear them talking to her. My sister and I went to see her. She thought my sister was there to get her out. She was asking what the lawyer with the blue bag said and said my sister had a faulty memory because she didn't know what she was talking about. When my sister said she wasn't taking her because she cannot go home she needs 24/7 care, my mom finally admitted that was true and asked us to move her to a different facility. She is on Medicaid and somehow has a private room where she is. I know if we did find her a room at another place, she would probably not have a private room. If we did move her I'm worried she would forget we moved her and still be mad, freak out because all the staff is different, and hate the new place as much as the old one. How do I deal with her when she says the staff won't take care of her, I'm horrible for "putting her in there", she's in pain and I won't help her, etc? I know that she is miserable but I can't really fix it for her.