Just friends?
This is definitely going to be TLDR but I’m super conflicted and need advice. I went on a date with a guy last year probably around August. He went out of his way to pick me up and drop me off. Had a great time and connected with him but he was younger which I’m usually not a fan of and I had the gut feeling he was lying and misrepresenting himself (been cheated on a lot so this could be more of a trauma response). He asked me out on a second date and said he was picking me up and made reservations for a place I’d told him I liked on the first date. I was hesitant but agreed bc I really appreciated the effort and I want to date someone like that. When I woke up to get ready he had texted me wanting to ask about something. He’d just moved to town a few weeks prior and his roommate’s gf was throwing a house warming kick back. He asked if we could do that instead. I said it was too soon for me to meet his friends (and I was thrown off bc I liked the initial effort and was concerned that he was just trying to get me near his bed). The next day he asked me if I was free to get together and I never responded. Fast forward to April and I’m in another state for work weeding out old contacts and accidentally call him. I send him a text saying it was an accident and I apologized. He started a convo and we caught up. Turns out he was going to be picking up shifts where I worked previously and was coming back to work at (I’m a travel nurse and he’s an EMT). Jokes were made about me being out of state and no one being able to come visit. More jokes were made and he ended up flying to see me. The first night he made a move and I shut it down bc he wants kids and I don’t plus the age thing and honestly I’m not sure if I’m attracted to him. He said he was good with being friends. Every morning he’d come climb in my bed and pull me close to cuddle but never anything more. A couple of times he tried to kiss me but he respected when I said no. He told me I check a ton of boxes for someone he would want to date. But swore he was fine with just friends. I pointed out that future partners would never be okay with our friendship and he said he would end it with them if they weren’t okay with me. He had to fly back a day early and kind of ghosted me for a day or two. I was mad that he didn’t even let me know he made it home safely so I blew up at him and told him I was going to block him (I’m an unhealed individual I know). He didn’t want to block me and wanted to be friends. I said no and if we saw each other at work that we’re strangers to each other. He told me he wanted to say one last thing before I blocked him which was basically that I was a very unique individual and he hoped I never change for someone else. It was really sweet so I didn’t block him but we didn’t speak. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I’m about to come home and I accidentally call him again (thanks Siri). He called me back immediately and then text me when I didn’t answer. Told him it was an accident and of course we start talking again. I was going through some health issues with my mom and he was supportive and checked in on her as well as me. We were talking one night and he said he was coming to see me that night as a joke but at some point says “I’m serious I’m coming” but then doesn’t. I was disappointed but it started as a joking conversation. Basically he ghosted me after that. Then a friend/coworker asked me to go on a double date with her and two EMTs. I told her I couldn’t and she says “it’s for the best bc I just found out you already know him”. Turns out it was the guy. He said it was for the best that they not blindly pair us up because we know each other and it ended badly. I was furious bc I hadn’t felt I did anything to him so I texted him angrily bc now two coworkers know that we’re acquainted which I’d wanted to avoid. He never responded to the angry text (valid) but when I walk into work the next day he’s one of the first people I see. I had gotten him a small gift previously and it was in my car so I put it in the break room and told him he could grab it if he came back in. He said thank you and asked me to lunch. I declined. Then the friends that were seeing each other were trying to push us to date. He and I ended up on a phone call and I told him that and he said “I don’t know how you feel about it but I really care about you….” And I cut him off there. They tried to suggest we all hang out and he immediately said yes but I said no. Then he and I started talking daily. He FaceTimed me when he was out drinking with his friends and introduced me to them. Still talking daily but I’m kind of mean. Finally we decide to actually squash the previous bad blood. The next night he went out drinking with them he FaceTimes me again and kind of joked “you’re my gf right?”. Obviously not. It was sweet that he was thinking of me and I started softening up and I was going to ask him to meet up in a day or two and tell him I was interested. At the end of the night his friend adds me on Snapchat and immediately sends me a video and multiple pics of him trying to pick up a girl. I’m hurt but I also have no claim on this man. Then his friend starts trying to tell me that the guy told him he would never consider dating me seriously because I have too much baggage and the friend could have me. Told me a lot of other things too and apparently the guy has been sharing a lot of details of things happening between us with him. I told the guy that I basically didn’t want to speak to him again. He doesn’t respond. We end up on a call talking about everything including the stuff with the friend. He swears it’s not true and he’s trying to figure out what to do. My biggest question in all this is “what do you want from me?” He says he wants to be friends and in the same sentence says his biggest regret is that he didn’t go on the second date with me last year and it’s all he thought about when he visited me. I ask “just friend’s?” And then he’s like “is that what you want?” We keep talking and he asks what I would want in my perfect world. I am so completely honest (super hard for me to be vulnerable) and tell him I like him a lot but I’m not sure if it’s just as friends but also I’m not sure if I’m sexually attracted to him. (The most we’ve ever done is kiss). He doesn’t respond to that at all. So I get angry again bc he asked how I felt and I was honest just to get ignored. It’s been messy from there but now he’s firm on staying friends even when I say we should end things entirely. We keep talking and I jokingly tell him he can say he’s not attracted to me. He said I’m objectively attractive but he’s not attracted to me (despite joking in the past that his friends would never believe it if we dated bc I’m too hot for him, called me beautiful, etc). So now I’m even more confused. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what he wants. I don’t think there’s any outcome where I don’t get hurt and I’d love any insight into what yall think he’s trying to do or what I should do.