u/NefariousnessSalt485

Hi, everyone!

Recently, I have been trying to figure out where I fall on the Asexual spectrum and I'd love to hear your opinions, label suggestions, and experiences.

In my teenage years and early adulthood, I was very sex-positive. I know, however, and I knew it then, that it was caused by thinking being very open to sex and sexually active would be liberating and make me feel all cool. That had worked for a while, until I felt satisfied with the number of sexual partners I'd had, and the whole thing lost its appeal. Since sex has never been very physically enjoyable for me, there was suddenly nothing to make me desire it again. It took me a while to come to terms with that, and some experiences with having sex out of the sense of obligation tipped my scale from indifferent to averse.

The issue is, I am still unsure whether I have ever felt sexual attraction, since there were times I did desire sex. I know that's not the same thing, but I am not sure how to reliably separate that.

Another thing I'm unsure about is the fact that I do have a libido and enjoy masturbation and sexual fantasies, which might sometimes involve myself. I am not currently comfortable with the idea of partaking in partnered sex, however.

Due to all of the above, I am still questioning whether I am asexual, greysexual, aegosexual (disconnected from the object of sexual desire - honestly, I am still struggling to fully understand this label and its bounds), orchidsexual (experiencing sexual attraction but disinterested in sex itself), something else entirely, or simply a sex-repulsed allosexual.

Any insight would be appreciated, thanks!

Hi, all, there are some questions that have been on my mind recently, and I'd appreciate some insight.

1. For those of you that are sex-averse, how can you tell if you are asexual? I am still having trouble figuring out whether I don't experience sexual attraction at all, or if it's more of a "I'd have sex with you if I didn't dislike sex" kinda situation.

2. If you occasionally imagine yourself in a sexual fantasy, but have no desire to make that fantasy a reality, could you still fall under the label of Aegosexual? Even after some research, I'm honestly still struggling with the definition of that one, and the concept of a "disconnect" between a person and the object of their sexual desire. If anyone could help educate me here, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks!

Hi, all, I'd be curious to hear what's your stance on the Orchidsexual microlabel (someone who experiences sexual attraction, but feels no desire to act on it/engage in sexual relationships)? Do you consider it a part of the Asexual spectrum? Alternatively, if a person identifying as Orchidsexual generally referred to themselves as an Asexual, would you find that acceptable? I keep seeing very mixed opinions on the matter.

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Thanks!

How do you guys differentiate between not feeling sexual attraction and being disinterested in sex, especially for sex-indifferent to averse folk? As in, how can you tell whether your feeling of "I find you attractive, but have no desire to sleep with you" stems from lacking the attraction, or from your overall relationship with sex?

Hi, everyone! I would like to ask you guys for an opinion on my situation. Apologies in advance for the long read. 

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First of all, I'm not sure how much people in this subreddit care for this, but my profile and post history are empty because I use Reddit exclusively for lurking. This is my first post. 

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I am 27F, I have identified as bisexual (questioning pan, but I have never arrived at a 100% certainty) ever since I was about 15 years old. 

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About 5/6 years ago, I lost all interest in sex. It was, at least partially, due to certain health issues (tanked my hormones and metabolism through long-term undereating). At least, that's what I thought and I attributed it to for a very long time. Nowadays, though, I am not so sure. I have got my health in check since, yet my interest in sex is even lower. It is worth noting that I have had sex during those years, always out of a sense of obligation - either to myself, as to not feel like a prude, or to a partner (dumb, I know). It was almost always an uncomfortable experience, which has led to me becoming very sex-indifferent to averse. Rather, I feel that way about the idea of actually having sex. I am completely fine with fantasies, pornography, masturbation and the like. I certainly do have a libido, I am just not comfortable with the idea of involving anyone else in it. 

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It might be fair to say that I used to be very sex-positive, which was always because of the connotations I associated with it. There was a sense of power and identity in defying purity culture and all that. Physically, I have never enjoyed it very much. As time went and experiences piled on, it has lost the meaning and appeal for me. 

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What I am struggling with is feeling valid enough to use the asexual label. I have heard people say labels ultimately boil down to what resonates with you, and I certainly feel comfortable identifying as ace, it brings me a sense of peace. However, I have been quite big on LGBT+ topics for a while now and would hate to be offensive or insensitive to any community within. 

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I know the definition of asexuality is tied to sexual attraction, but as I am fairly new into researching this topic, I am still having trouble separating aesthetic, sensual and sexual attraction. Furthermore, I cannot fully tell how much of my current stance comes from the lack of sexual attraction, and how much from my relationship with sex itself. Although, I cannot recall looking at anyone in the recent years and thinking "damn, I'd have sex with you". I am absolutely planning to continue introspecting until I learn as much as I can about this part of me. 

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Before I figure that out, I have found several microlabels that allow including my experience into the ace spectrum, from Aceflux, Aegosexual to Orchidsexual and Requiessexual. I do not need to find the best fitting one immediately. My only question is, based on the information provided, would you guys find it okay for me to identify as an asexual? I understand I do not really need anyone's approval, but as stated before, I would not want to be disrespectful. 

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Thanks in advance, wishing you all a good day!

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