u/NellTones

I’m 32(m) and I’ve been feeling pretty stuck and lonely romantically, and I wanted to see if anyone else has gone through something similar or has advice.

I used to have a long slow-burn connection with someone about 4 or so years ago that turned into my most meaningful relationship experience so far (my only real adult relationship to be honest). It took about 3 years of knowing each other and building connection before she finally agreed to go on a date with me. After that, we were essentially together for about a year, but it was never formally labeled in the beginning. Over time it became more real and emotionally serious, and she eventually told me she wanted to be my girlfriend through a long letter after I ended things.

I ended things at the time for a mix of reasons: I was scared of commitment, I worried I might be holding her back from her own dreams, and I wasn’t fully confident in myself or sure I was ready when things became more serious. Since then, I haven’t really had another meaningful relationship.

Over the last 4 years, I haven’t had sex or real intimacy with a woman. I’ve had a few dates here and there, but nothing that felt truly exciting or emotionally connected, and dating apps have honestly made me feel worse about myself rather than better.

I also went through a rough period with substance use in the past, including an overdose a few years ago, but I’ve made progress since then and have been trying to stabilize my life again. I moved out on my own about 5 months ago, which has helped my confidence a bit.

Emotionally though, I feel stuck. I still think a lot about that past relationship and whether I made a mistake. We connected really deeply over shared interests like nature, animals, hiking, and the idea of doing backpacking trips together. She was also very thoughtful and affectionate in ways I hadn’t experienced before, and I haven’t really had anything like that ever in my life from a romantic standpoint.

Recently, I made dinner for a high school ex I hadn’t seen in a long time. It was platonic, I needed to make some amends, but it kind of re-triggered how much I miss intimacy, affection, and just being close to someone—cooking for someone, sharing a night together, feeling connected. Since then I’ve been in a bit of a spiral thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve had that kind of connection.

I don’t feel hopeless in life overall, but romantically I feel very behind and stuck in my own head—like I don’t know how to break out of this loop of loneliness, regret, and comparison.

Has anyone been through something like this—where you felt romantically “paused” for years and then eventually found your way back into dating or a relationship? What actually helped you move forward?

Thank you in advance for any insight. Having a tough day. :/

Can’t believe I’m here. Don’t even crave it or want it anymore. Now my biggest issue is my loneliness and lack of intimacy for around 4 years. Time to tackle that beast.

Best of luck to everyone! The emotions 7 oh pushed in the background are starting to come out and it’s finally time to deal with them like a responsible adult! If you gotta just cry my friends, just cry your damn heart out. It’s worth it. Gotta let those emotions out somehow.

Love you all! ❤️

Late night, it was weird. Dinner with an ex from high school. Chemicals were involved. I just want to talk to someone. Dm me? Or don’t. Lol

Read or don’t read. But it’s worth a read if you are in recovery. I 100% stand by this. It’s very uncomfortable but god damn when you get out, you will feel so much better. Has to do with cold exposure if you can handle it at this point in your recovery.

Wish everyone the best. We got this. I love you all! Let’s be the community that supports and helps each other as much as possible. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Ok ok, I have to mention this again because it just did wonders for me. It has to do with cold exposure, whether a cold shower or cold plunge. Now I know I know and understand that a lot of you are going through withdrawals a lot more gnarly than I am and this technique may be too a little intense for you to do at this moment in time in your recovery, but I feel like it’s worth mentioning because it has helped me a lot.

And it has to do with cold exposure. My technique is when I’m feeling kind of shitty. I get in the shower and I started it nice and hot. It feels real nice but here comes the hard part. You have to gradually make the water colder and colder and colder so basically make it lukewarm and then once you’re comfortable with that, make it a little cold like you’re in a pool, but your body will get used to the water. Then make it a little colder so it starts to sting a little bit. Once you start to feel like it’s a little unbearable turn it to cold to where you are shivering and it is so hard to stay in but when you’re at this point, you don’t have to stay in for five minutes you can stay in for 30 seconds a minute and get out and yeah when you get out, you’re gonna be cold but once you warm up, you will feel so much better and my restless leg syndrome has subsided so much my anxiety has gone down immensely and I just overall feel better.

I’m no scientist, but I think what the cold exposure does is it distracts your whole body and nervous system from the withdrawals, at least for a little bit.

For people that have figured this out already I’d love your input and if anybody hasn’t tried this yet, feel free to dm me to ask me any questions

We are in this together and we got this. We’re all amazing people who just got caught up in marketing and bullshit. And some of us or are you know drug addicts trying to get better, I was one of them.

But regardless of your reasons and who you are, I love you. I’m here for you. Please reach out. We are community and community support each other.

I love you all with all my heart, and I wish you the best in your recovery. Find your strength because everybody has the strength to be the best person they can be and fulfill their potential..

-Nelltones

So Saturday night was the last time I dosed. I’m honestly flabbergasted at how bad I don’t feel. I took seven Oh for almost 3 years every single day upwards to 300 mg per day at some points. I managed to taper myself down to around 70 to 80 mg by the end of my use.

I honestly just feel fatigued, restless, no appetite, starting to have some temperature control issues with my body, but I honestly thought I would be in bed just miserable out of my mind. I don’t know. Maybe the comfort meds are working.

I’m so confused, is the worst yet to come? Am I an anomaly where 7 oh doesn’t give me to bad withdrawals? I don’t know, this was not what I was expecting.

Ok I know it sounds like the absolute last thing you want to put yourself through during withdrawal but if you power through it, it does wonderers. I about to be on hour 111.5 of being off 7oh for good. And I was feeling the withdrawal this morning as my last dose was last night. Hopped in the hot shower to get some relief and little voice instead of me said maybe you should make it cold so I made it decently cold standing in there for 3 to 5 minutes freezing my ass off and by the time I got out, I felt so much better. A little pain in the cold naturally brings pleasure for when you get out.

Not to be Mention all the other good stuff that comes along with cold plunges :

“improved circulation, faster muscle recovery, increased alertness, and potential mood boosts by triggering endorphin release”

I don’t know, it made me feel better so maybe it might help someone else struggling.

Just my theory no scientific back up so take the information as you will.

Wishing the best of luck to the humans that are still stuck in this trap.

-Nelltones