u/New-Importance-9076

As a man, I think it would be difficult to take a second wife who has children. The easiest situation to deal with, I think, are women who have been widowed. The Bible specifically talks about taking care of widows and orphans. The children who lost their Father will need someone to step in that role as best as they can.

If their father is still alive and in their lives, he will probably have a connection with their mom still. I see both of these as potential issues that could add major stress to family dynamics. If she left him because he was abusive, neglectful, or absent, then he really has no business leading anyone. If she left him for a more arbitrary reason, then perhaps she has some issues that must be resolved.

What do you see as challenges when considering a woman with children, or even one with a past? What are the boundaries or perimeters framed by the Bible to help us understand?

Why look for something that may not exist or push things to happen out of time? I think the issues of "looking" for another wife are in two main parts.

It's a practice based in the fulfillment of the self. Whereas the alternative, is to trust that the Father is in control and allow the Spirit or the Messenger to guide.

The other major issue this presents, is the position it puts the wife(s) in. If a wife feels her husband is constantly looking for another, it's more likely to cause conflict, jealousy, and other negative feelings that can damage the healing process or prevent cohesion.

If you're in need of another family member, pray for signs and meditate on actions. If you need wisdom, ask and He will give it to you. Pray, receive, and be grateful as though it has already happened, for if the Father speaks to you and your actions are in Him, you will be blessed.

In further evaluation, the core principle issue is trust. When the Husband stops trusting in the Father, he acts in self interest. So too, the Wife may question the Husband, stop trusting and act in self interest.

This is not to say we shouldn't be observant, and look for opportunities. If you feel called to find someone online, you may be right, that could be the path you're on. We should be cognisistent of the signs we're given and act in accordance with the callings.

I posted an earnest proposal for Christians to accept Polygyny in a group called ChristianMarriage.

I got inihilated 😂

0/10. I do not recommend.

I held my own, but man I was getting a lot of down votes! I had to delete and lick my wounds. 😂

Edited

I created this group; I guess mostly for one reason, if I'm being honest. To affirm my belief that Polygyny (when practiced correctly) is beneficial. I have held this belief for years, but I had no plans to do much about it as I rarely meet available women. Things like that can change. After the arrival of our newest child, we got a new nurse in the hospital. Immediately I identified an intense attraction, and had to work to not entertain thoughts of her, as I wanted to concentrate on taking care of my wife and newborn. However, every interaction with her was intoxicating. Eye contact, her voice. The rest of the time I worked to not think about her, to not look at her. I felt so guilty for my feelings. We left the hospital, but I was still thinking of her, (not as much as my wife and children, just much more than you would a random nurse.) I love my wife, and my guilt ultimately led me to express my feelings of Polygyny to her. Our talk went well, and I posted on that experience previously. Why am I posting today? I guess it's cause I still think about her. I think the obvious answer is to tell my wife of my feelings toward the nurse (we didn't get there in our polygyny talk and I don't know how to tell her.) It just doesn't sound good, and I thought maybe my feelings would change. I think I'm mostly afraid of hurting my wife, but maybe I need to regardless of the outcome.

Update I talked with my wife. We've had many deep conversations about the subject, this woman, and the situation at the hospital. I told her everything and she read all my posts. She has handled my proposals with the utmost grace, and is constantly reaffirming why I chose her. I feel it's brought us closer. It certainly has relieved a ton of stress on my end, but now she must work through the feelings that result from my convictions. Wherever the path takes us, we must remain together in direction and communication, especially when it's difficult.

Monogamy in the eyes of the church is the only way for marriages to operate. It seems the State and the Church agree, but they did not always. Is Mornanism what we think it is? They are certainly the reason for polygyny being banned in America. The church doesn't want men to have more than one wife, and for years I thought it was a sin. The sin is infidelity, but Polygyny is not cheating, at least when done properly. So why does the church and the state both demand we stay monogamous? Legally, and in the eyes of God?

Hey everyone! I'm u/New-Importance-9076, a founding moderator of r/polygyny4u.

This is our new home for all things related to polygyny. We're excited to have you join us!

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I'm married and have a lovely family. I love my wife and children. I do my best to take care of them, and believe a man is supposed to guide his family, keep them safe and make them prosper. I struggle, I have feelings of doubt, but I also work to honor God in my actions. I have been sold on polygyny for some time. I think it makes perfect sense for men who have the ability, and for women who can adapt.

I talked with my wife recently about polygyny, and I think the biggest hurdle so far is - what it means to me vs what she thinks it means to me.

To women, men should be providers, so if a man wants another woman, she must not be providing enough (love, care, etc.) but to men, women are not providers. To men, women are the prize. Not to be won and cast aside, but to be valued, treasured, and taken care of. Women are the reason men do anything at all.

To me, another woman isn't an opportunity for a better partner, it's an opportunity to love even more, to grow, learn, and build.

I feel I have the ability to care for two women the same as one, but it would take much more communication, no doubt.

Do you agree that men are providers and women are the prize? Do you think men and women need different things in a relationship?

Seems like a lot of posts on here are about getting turned down when looking for intimacy. Obviously there are many reasons including medical, but there seems to be some commonalities.

Men seem to have two main types of issues. The most fixable is a wife who does want to have "sex" often. If she's turning you down, but not always, she is likely just not in the mood. If you want to be intimate, and she isn't ready to go after whipping it out, you might need to work harder. It might not be a quick fix. You might need to put in more effort, give a massage, connect emotionally, talk about deep desires. Find what turns your wife on and arouse her. Idk maybe she's tired and she just needs sleep. When she's awake next, passionately kiss her, get her chocolates, clean the house, put in the effort to figure out what she wants and likes, and make her want you.

If you try to turn her on, and she won't take the attention, maybe something else is wrong. If she always rejects you, there might be something seriously wrong.

A wife who is not attracted to her husband cannot respect him. That is what love is to women, it's respect.

The second issue men tend to have is the most difficult. A disrespectful wife. A wife who settled and is not interested in sex because she thinks she should be with someone better. She talks bad about her husband, complains about what he does, and tries to undermine him. These are sad situations that can end in divorce.

Women deal with a plethora of issues with men. Porn is real bad and will create unrealistic expectations. Some men feel they are inadequate and have a difficult time performing and need confidence reinforcement. Maybe there were some pounds added and he is no longer "interested."

I feel communication is the best way to get where you want fast. Telling your wife or husband what you need, what you like. You made a commitment to be together. Do what the bible says, it's not wrong. If your spouse is in the serious wrong, you have permission from Yeshua to leave them.

Best option for straight Christians

No cheating, total transparency, and full control of the established wife or wives with new prospects.

Men should only show affection toward women who have been selected or have the ok, and even then only with the explicit goal of marriage.

Especially with a second or third marriage, etc., no sleeping together before vows.