r/Polygamy

https://www.reddit.com/r/Polygamy/comments/1t541je/if_you_could_give_me_some_advice/

I (28m) posted that a few days ago about how I hadn't talked about this topic with my partner (22F), with whom I've been for almost 2 years. I finally talked to her today. First, I said, "I don't want to offend you or hurt you (one of my fears is damaging the relationship or making you feel hurt), but I have to tell you something. Since I was 16, I've known something about myself that I've never told anyone (only anonymously on the internet). First, I need you to stay quiet and listen to me until the end." I explained that I've always wanted a big family (which she already knew; I've always told her that I want many children and being a father is my dream, being a good father and provider for a big family). I said, "I'm interested in polygamy. I don't expect a yes now; I just want you to know." I told her that I wouldn't take a single step without her being comfortable, that if we look for another woman, she would only enter with her approval, and that it should be a girl with whom she can get along, that I want to marry her as my first wife before anything else. Her response was calm. She asked me why I was interested in the topic. I answered, explained the advantages, the help in raising children, the economic advantages of living with three adults (I would take care of the main income, but if both want to work, I'm not against it and would help generate more savings), the fact of making the family bigger, and that she would have a woman to support her and understand her. She didn't say yes, but she said things that give me a lot of possibilities. She said something like, "Don't take this as a yes, but if we choose a woman, she has to complement us and add to our relationship. She can't be just any girl; she must be, like us, a calm and healthy person (my partner and I go to the gym and play sports together)." She confessed that she had always been interested in being intimate with another woman but said something like, "Don't think that gives you points" (but I think it does give points; in fact, I didn't expect it; she had shown many homophobic behaviors, especially toward gay men, nothing serious, just comments). She said something like, "How will we handle the three families, mine, yours, and hers, because she would also be our family, and her family would be

She didn't say yes, but she said things that give me a lot of hope. She said something like, "Don't take this as a yes, but if we choose a woman, she has to complement us and add to our relationship. She can't be just any girl; she should be, like us, a calm and healthy person (my partner and I go to the gym and do sports together)." She confessed that she had always been interested in being intimate with another woman but said something like, "Don't think that gives you points" (but I think it does give points; in fact, I didn't expect it. She had shown many homophobic behaviors, especially toward gay men, nothing serious, just comments). She said something like, "How will we handle the three families: mine, yours, and hers? Because she would also be our family, and her family would be our family." I said my mom would be difficult (she's evangelical), but she could accept it since I did it honestly. I thot her family was more complicated (she's Catholic, her family is from the church community), and the family of the girl we integrate. She said, "My parents know that there was polygamy in the Bible" (that answer surprised me; I also took it as a point in favor), implying that if we decided to do it, she wouldn't let faith get in the way.

I also confessed to her why I was afraid to talk about it. She doesn't know my father, and I didn't know him much either. I met him when I turned 9, and I interacted with him until I was 13. I have a sister from my mom and him who is 2 years older, and a sister from him with another woman who is 1 year older than me. He has a total of 9 children with different women, whom he never took responsibility for. He was my mom's partner, cheated on her, and abandoned her while she was pregnant with me. Moreover, he denied that I was his son until I was 9, until his mother forced him to admit it (even tho I didn't carry his last name) because I was physically identical to him. He was never a responsible father, he was a liar. I stopped interacting with him at 13 by my own choice; he disappointed me many times, and I swore I would never be like him. I told her that I felt bad about wanting to have children with more than one woman, and she said, "You're not like him; you are honest and told me about it. Beside, you want to have a family and raise your children" (I couldn't help but cry; I always felt a bit guilty or strange for wanting to be polygamous). No matter what happens, I chose the right woman.

We decided that it's something to consider in the long term, it's not the right time now, that we should get married and have a home and over time explore that possibility. I told her to take it easy, that my plan was to tell her and address any doubts that might arise over time, and that we would take it step by step.

I ask because, as I've started my search to start a polygamous family, I am wondering if the women I found would all need to be the same religion for the family to work. I myself an not religious, and my initial idea is the each woman could raise the baby the religion as they see fit. But could that cause problems?

In theory, would a Mormon wife and a Catholic wife be willing to share a neutral husband, or is that not possible?

Any polygnous older guys out there who are will to chat with someone who is curious? If not that's cool too, lol.

I'm a submissive girlie, and thinking about marrying a man who's wanting polygamy.

I'm curious about how happy you are?

I'm trying to let go of jealousy etc with sister wives, and to be loving.

I would love to hear anything you'd like to share. 🩷

Maybe a silly question, but one I’ve been thinking about…how does the experience differ for women depending on whether you’re a first wife or a second?

Instinctively it feels like it might be hard to adjust for a first wife. Even if you’re on board with adding somebody else, it’s still a change. Whereas if you’re the second (or third etc) then you can see what you’re joining. But then maybe there are advantages to being the first, like having that one-on-one bond first.

I know the answer is probably that it depends and everyone’s different, but I’m interested in hearing people’s experiences. I’m single and curious and I guess it could happen for me either way, though I imagined joining an established family.

I just found out that the guy I'm seeing comes from a family that has practiced Christian polygamy for generations; in fact, this guy has four mothers. I've actually been researching polygyny quite a bit, so it's not something that shocks me, but... it does make me a little uneasy since I've never met a family like this. Any advice? Are polygynous families very different from monogamous ones?

It's more out of curiosity, but I realized that the subreddit simply disappeared, although I don't know how long ago because I didn't notice until today.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for honest advice/support from people who are actually experienced with polygamy/poly relationships because I’m feeling very conflicted and emotionally overwhelmed trying to understand whether this could realistically work for me long term.

My boyfriend (22, almost 23) and I (23) have known each other for around 5 years, and we’ve recently become serious. He’s honestly amazing to me in many ways — generous, driven, caring, family-oriented, and genuinely wants to provide for the people he loves. He has the financial means to support a family and has already shown me through actions that he wants to build a stable future. He wants children very badly and talks a lot about wanting a large family, helping everyone reach their goals, and creating a strong family unit.

Early on, he told me that in the future he may want multiple wives. At first I was honestly disgusted and appalled by the idea. I saw it as something that mainly benefited the man and sounded emotionally painful and unfair. The more I’ve read this forum though, the more I can at least understand the appeal and beauty some people find in it — especially the sense of family/community, shared support, raising children together, women still being able to pursue careers, etc.

At the same time, I’m still struggling emotionally with the idea of sharing my partner. I naturally lean much more monogamous emotionally. I like closeness, exclusivity, reassurance, and I worry about feeling left out or emotionally replaced. I’m also someone who has attachment issues and gets very bonded to my partner.

My boyfriend says he doesn’t want to rush into anything and would want to start with one healthy relationship, one wife, and children first. He says if that fulfills him emotionally then maybe that’s enough, but if not, he could see himself expanding the family years down the line once the foundation is healthy and stable. He also says he no longer wants cheating or messy dynamics and wants honesty and structure instead.

For context, he did cheat in a previous relationship with me years ago, which he deeply regrets and says he never wants to repeat again. He’s admitted he likes attention from multiple women, but says what he ultimately wants is long-term family structure and commitment, not random hookups.

As for me, I’ve had a pretty unconventional dating past. I’ve been with 100+ men, dated multiple people casually at once in the past, and have always been very social. But in actual serious relationships, I’ve always been monogamous. I don’t really have much desire to sleep with other people anymore, but I do enjoy freedom socially — things like traveling, going to raves/festivals, dancing, flirting, kissing, and just feeling free and expressive. I’ve never actually gone a full year without sex, which is another reason I wonder if maybe I need time to figure myself out more before settling down fully.

One of my biggest conflicts right now is that I’ve always dreamed of traveling the world and living somewhere warm like Australia for at least a year. I’ve never even lived alone before. Part of me really wants family, children, stability, and building a life with him, while another part of me feels like I still need independence, self-discovery, and life experience before fully settling.

He fears that he’s just an “option” to me while he sees me as the woman he wants to build with. But honestly, I feel almost the opposite — I see him as a huge catch and “the prize” in many ways because of everything he offers emotionally and practically. I’m the one struggling with whether I’m ready to fully settle into the life he wants yet.

He has also mentioned another woman he once thought could fit into this kind of future dynamic because he thinks we’d get along well, which honestly both scares me and makes me curious. I’m trying to keep an open mind instead of instantly rejecting everything because I genuinely love him and don’t want fear or lack of exposure to be the only reason I close myself off from something that could potentially work.

At the same time, I don’t want to force myself into a relationship structure that will slowly emotionally destroy me just because I love someone.

So I guess my questions are:

• Can someone who naturally prefers monogamy genuinely grow into this kind of relationship in a healthy way?
• Did any of you initially feel disgusted, jealous, territorial, or emotionally resistant before eventually becoming comfortable?
• How do you know the difference between “this isn’t for me” versus simply fear/insecurity/lack of exposure?
• Is it a red flag that the relationship freedoms feel somewhat unequal (he’s more comfortable with himself having multiple wives than me having other male partners and even male friends)?
• Should someone in their early 20s slow down before making permanent family decisions if they still feel a strong desire to travel and explore life first?

I’d really appreciate thoughtful advice from people with actual experience instead of immediate judgment because I’m genuinely trying to understand myself and this situation honestly.

I’m a 37 y/o M married for 18 years to my 37 y/o wife and together we have a 32 y/o Female partner (our fiancé) for about 3 years now. There’s been many ups and downs the last couple years with coming out publicly and some family and friends lost because of it. But I have to say it’s been a completely amazing relationship. I still struggle with some childhood wounds and those are amplified when introducing people to my life that doesn’t currently know. I have this idea of just to start creating content solely to take that power back as well is answer questions and be a voice for men in this lifestyle. I figured this is the best place to start before I flat out put my face on camera for the world to see! With that said I’m at a blank on what to create content on. I do a lot in my workshop from laser engraving to making rings and pens etc. I’ve thought about making stuff on camera while talking about throuple life. The biggest goal is to help myself get past the scary of telling people about my relationship. The part I love about this idea is that it’s a chance for me to help other people. I’m just struggling to come up with topics of conversation.

I'm 33 black female. He's 42 white male