u/EyeOk3876

Or what would you love? or got?

She’s very generic, she likes almost anything and everything and has no niche interests/hobbies, so I can’t pin it down.

She’s pretty relaxed and isn’t fussy so most things work. I just need to go all out. Also she’s not overly sentimental, so things like notes, photos, etc don’t do much for her

A guy I have an intimate history with is now with a wife and just revealed to me he isn’t wired for exclusivity. His relationship (according to him) allows him to have an ongoing sexual partner outside it and he has expressed wanting me to fill that role. Problem is i think I’m naturally wired for exclusivity so I don’t really see how this can work. Also, there doesn’t to be many explicit rules, he says he has discretion to do what he wants as long as he doesn’t abuse the freedom or let things get messy/complicated. His partner doesn’t want to know the person, only the details of what happens sexually because it turns her on.

If you were in my position and still felt somewhat attached, what would you do and why? would you cut all contact, distance yourself somewhat, or try to maintain some kind relationship

A guy I have an intimate history with is now with a partner and just revealed to me he isn’t wired for exclusivity. His relationship (according to him) allows him to have an ongoing sexual partner outside it and he has expressed wanting me to fill that role. Problem is i think I’m naturally wired for exclusivity so I don’t really see how this can work. Also, there doesn’t seem to be many explicit rules. He says he has discretion to do what he wants as long as he doesn’t abuse his freedoms or let things get messy/complicated. His partner doesn’t want to know the person, only the details of what happens sexually because it turns her on.

If you were in my position and still felt somewhat attached, what would you do and why? would you cut all contact, distance yourself somewhat, or try to maintain some kind of friendship?

A guy I have an intimate history with is now with a partner and just revealed to me he isn’t wired for exclusivity. His relationship (according to him) allows him to have an ongoing sexual partner outside it and he has expressed wanting me to fill that role. Problem is i think I’m naturally wired for exclusivity so I don’t really see how this can work. Also, there doesn’t to be many explicit rules, he says he has discretion to do what he wants as long as he doesn’t abuse the freedom or let things get messy/complicated. His partner doesn’t want to know the person, only the details of what they do sexually because it turns her on.

If you were in my position and still felt somewhat attached, what would you do and why? would you cut all contact, distance yourself somewhat, or try to maintain some kind of friendship?

A guy I have an intimate history with is now with a partner and just revealed to me he isn’t wired for exclusivity. His relationship (according to him) allows him to have an ongoing sexual partner outside it and he has expressed wanting me to fill that role. Problem is i think I’m naturally wired for exclusivity so I don’t really see how this can work. Also, there doesn’t to be many explicit rules, he says he has broad discretion to do what he wants as long as he doesn’t abuse the freedom or let things get messy/complicated. His partner doesn’t want to know the person, only the details of what they do sexually because it turns her on.

If you were in my position, would you cut all contact, distance yourself somewhat, or try to maintain some kind of friendship? Mind you this is someone I care about a lot.

A guy I have an intimate history with is now with a partner and just revealed to me he isn’t wired for exclusivity. His relationship (according to him) allows him to have an ongoing sexual partner outside it and he has expressed wanting me to fill that role. Problem is i think I’m naturally wired for exclusivity so I don’t really see how this can work. Also, there doesn’t to be many explicit rules, he says he has broad discretion to do what he wants as long as he doesn’t abuse the freedom or let things get messy/complicated. His partner doesn’t want to know the person, only the details of what they do sexually because it turns her on.

If you were in my position, would you cut all contact, distance yourself somewhat, or try to maintain some kind of friendship? Mind you this is someone I care about a lot.

Genuinely curious why you’re in one if u can share

Why do people get into open or ENM relationships?
Like, what is the core reasons?
Are you genuinely happy with it?

A man I’ve had a long history with recently got married. He’s been expressing wanting to keep me in his life and said he wants us to build a new kind of ‘friendship’, acknowledging that our old dynamic can’t continue as it had been in the past. We both know romance off the table. The problem is that we seem to envision very different things. I think all parts of our old dynamic need to be completely left behind, particularly the sexual stuff, he seems to feel we can change our relationship while keeping the sexual dynamic, even just by doing it once then building from there. I don’t doubt he genuinely cares about me and wants me in his life and It’s not a case of ‘he only wants one thing’, bc if it were only that, I’d just flip him off easily. I could also just be being deluded.

I don’t want to end up some side chick/affair partner, so question is, Is this a situation where a middle ground actually exists, or do I only have one path forward?

A man I’ve had a long history with recently got married. He’s been expressing wanting to keep me in his life and said he wants us to build a new kind of ‘friendship’, acknowledging that our old dynamic can’t continue as it had been in the past. We both know romance off the table. The problem is that we seem to envision very different things. I think all parts of our old dynamic need to be completely left behind, particularly the sexual stuff, he seems to feel we can change our relationship while keeping the sexual dynamic, even just by doing it once then building from there. I don’t doubt he genuinely cares about me and wants me in his life and It’s not a case of ‘he only wants one thing’, bc if it were only that, I’d just flip him off easily. I could also just be being deluded.

I don’t want to end up some side chick/affair partner, so question is, Is this a situation where a middle ground actually exists, or do I only have one path forward?

A man I’ve had a long history with recently got married. He’s been expressing wanting to keep me in his life and said he wants us to build a new kind of ‘friendship’, acknowledging that our old dynamic can’t continue as it had been in the past. We both know romance off the table. The problem is that we seem to envision very different things. I think all parts of our old dynamic need to be completely left behind, particularly the sexual stuff, he seems to feel we can change our relationship while keeping the sexual dynamic, even just by doing it once then building from there. I don’t doubt he genuinely cares about me and wants me in his life and It’s not a case of ‘he only wants one thing’, bc if it were only that, I’d just flip him off easily. I could also just be being deluded.

I don’t want to end up some side chick/affair partner, so question is, Is this a situation where a middle ground actually exists, or do I only have one path forward?

A man I’ve had a long history with recently got married. He’s been expressing wanting to keep me in his life and said he wants us to build a new kind of ‘friendship’, acknowledging that our old dynamic can’t continue as it had been in the past. We both know romance off the table. The problem is that we seem to envision very different things. I think all parts of our old dynamic need to be completely left behind, particularly the sexual stuff, he seems to feel we can change our relationship while keeping the sexual dynamic, even just by doing it once then building from there. I don’t doubt he genuinely cares about me and wants me in his life and It’s not a case of ‘he only wants one thing’, bc if it were only that, I’d just flip him off easily. I could also just be being deluded.

I don’t want to end up some side chick/affair partner, so question is, Is this a situation where a middle ground actually exists, or do I only have one path forward?

A man I’ve had a long history with recently got married. He’s been expressing wanting to keep me in his life and said he wants us to build a new kind of relationship, acknowledging that our old dynamic can’t continue as it had been in the past. We both know romance is now off the table. The problem is that we seem to envision very different things. I think all parts of our old dynamic need to be completely left behind, particularly the sexual stuff, he seems to feel we can change the relationship while keeping the sexual dynamic, even just by doing it once then going from there. I don’t doubt he genuinely cares about me and wants me in his life and It’s not a case of ‘he only wants one thing’, bc if it were only that, I’d just flip him off easily.

I don’t want to end up some side chick/affair partner though so question is, Is this a situation where a middle ground actually exists, or do I only have one path forward?

A man I’ve had a long-standing history with recently got married. He’s been expressing wanting to keep me in his life and said he wants us to build a new kind of relationship, acknowledging that our old dynamic can’t continue as it had been in the past. We both know romance is now off the table. The problem is that we seem to envision very different things. I think all parts of our old dynamic need to be completely left behind, particularly the segsual stuff, he seems to feel we can change the relationship while keeping the segsual dynamic, even just by doing it once then going from there. I don’t doubt he genuinely cares about me and wants me in his life and It’s not a case of ‘he only wants one thing’, bc if it were only that, I’d just flip him off easily.

Question is, Is this a situation where a middle ground actually exists, or do I only have one path forward? What would you do?

A man I’ve had a long-term history with recently got married. He came back wanting to keep me in his life and said he wants us to build a new kind of relationship, acknowledging that our old dynamic can’t continue as it was. Meaning we both acknowledge there’s not going to be a romantic possibility. The problem is that we seem to mean very different things by “new.” I feel parts of our old dynamic need to be completely left behind, particularly the segsual side, because that’s historically been one of the main things that has made this relationship hard to sustain. He seems to feel we can change the relationship while still retaining that segsual dynamic. He has continued pursuing it and even suggested we have segs once more to release, then build from there. I don’t doubt that he genuinely cares about me and wants me in his life, and I care about him too.

So is this a situation where a middle ground could actually exist, or are we fundamentally trying to preserve two different versions of the relationship?

Me and a guy. We’ve known each other for a few years. We were never officially together, but we had a close emotional and sexual relationship before he got a girlfriend. When they started dating, I distanced myself, although he’d periodically reach out there entire relationship. He’s now engaged.

Recently, he reached out again wanting to reconnect. He said he still wants me in his life and even invited me to his engagement. During the same conversation, he told me he’s still attracted to me and shared doubts about aspects of his engagement, including compatibility around “that” area.

Whenever we’ve reconnected over the years, I’ve tried to move things toward a normal friendship, but he continues to bring attraction into the dynamic. I’m struggling to understand what space he expects me to have in his life now. Being asked to celebrate his engagement while also hearing about his doubts and his ongoing attraction to me feels like being pulled in opposite directions.

How would you interpret this and do you think a friendship can work? Thanks

Me and a guy have known each other for a few years. We were never officially together, but we had a close emotional and sexual relationship before he got a girlfriend. When they started dating, I distanced myself, although he’d periodically reach out. He’s now engaged. Recently, he reached out again wanting to reconnect. He said he still wants me in his life and even invited me to his engagement. During the same conversation, he told me he’s still attracted to me and shared doubts about aspects of his engagement, including compatibility around “that” area.
Whenever we’ve reconnected over the years, I’ve tried to move things toward a normal friendship, but he continues to bring attraction into the dynamic. I’m struggling to understand what role he expects me to have in his life now. Being asked to celebrate his engagement while also hearing about his doubts and his ongoing attraction to me feels like being pulled in opposite directions.

How would you interpret this? What role do you think he’s actually asking me to have in his life?

I just need some perspective
Me 23F and a guy 29M. We've known each other for a few years. We were never officially together, but we had a close emotional and sexual relationship before he got a girlfriend. When they started dating I distanced myself though he'd periodically reach out. He's now engaged after a year. Recently he reached out yet again, wanting to repair our dynamic, said he still wants me in his life, and even invited me to his engagement. At the same time, he expressed he's still attracted to me and shared doubts about aspects of his engagement, including compatibility around 'that’ area. Whenever we've reconnected over the years, l've tried to move things toward a normal friendship, but attraction seems to keep being in it especially from his end. I'm struggling to understand what role he expects me to have in his life now. It’s like being asked to celebrate his engagement while also hearing about his doubts about it and his ongoing desires and attraction to me, feels like I'm being pulled in opposite directions. I know it probably seems simple on the outside but Im genuinely confused.
Advice?