u/Nice-Huckleberry-793

Alright, I’ll go first. I stumbled upon the first episode of Tag EUR-IT on youtube (yes, the one that has the most views of all their uploads) while I was bedbound with a migraine. I thought Ben’s shirt on the Thumbnail looked fun, that’s why I clicked on it, expecting a funny, amateur travel video to watch. I was amazed by the professionalism in the editing, the color coded subtitles (!!!) and the overall layout of the game and the video, and when they I experienced my first snack zone I remember thinking “wow, they really put a lot of effort into this for a youtube video!”. I also loved their energy and humor and was hooked instantly. I then continued watching that season in one sitting and every other season back to back in the course of the next days, becoming utterly obsessed and yapping to all my friends about this cool new nerdy show that I am now a huge fan of!

Now, I’m a proud nebula subscriber (my only streaming service subscription!) and so so happy that I clicked on that unassuming thumbnail two years ago! ❤️

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fighting my anxiety every single day and im getting better and things like going to uni dont scare me anymore and I can go grocery shopping and take the tram and go to doctors most of the time but I sometimes I feel like no one knows how fucking hard it is for me and how much im TRYING because doing those things without panic is normal for everyone else but its not for me and no one sees how much I fight for it every day and I so dearly wish someone would tell me that they are proud of me for trying. even when I dont succeed.

it takes so much of my power and energy that there is not a lot left at the end of the day to do things that are fun and not just necessary for my every day life and survival. but I cant blame anyone because maybe I also dont talk about it because talking about it makes it feel more real. I have grown so used to the feeling of missing out and wasting time the past years. and usually I dont let it get to me. but sometimes it hits me and all I do is cry for a different version of myself that never got mentally ill and could live and enjoy life to its full extent.

and then I spiral and start thinking about childhood and how I will never never never be a small child again and it fills my heart with a hole as deep as the marianna trench and leaves me longing for something that I can never experience again