Outside opinion is effecting me negatively
I genuinely can’t tell anymore whether I’m overthinking a flawed but caring relationship or whether I’m ignoring real incompatibilities because of attachment. The man I’m speaking to for marriage is caring in many ways. He apologizes when he hurts me, gets affected when I’m upset, tries to repair conflict, and I know he genuinely cares about me. But at the same time, there are moments where I question whether I feel deeply emotionally fulfilled or emotionally “seen” enough long term.
I think one of the biggest things affecting me lately has actually been my friend’s perspective. I know she genuinely loves me and wants the best for me, and I truly don’t think any of it comes from jealousy or bad intentions. But she’s become very emotionally invested in my relationship and it’s honestly been making me spiral.
The thing that really got to me was when she came over recently, one of the first things she said was basically that she doesn’t think I should marry him. From the moment we started talking, the conversation immediately became about how she thinks there’s no chemistry between us, no deep emotional connection, that he doesn’t treat me special enough, and that I’m emotionally unfulfilled and settling.
Whenever I vent to her about something upsetting, she becomes very black and white about it. She says things like: there’s no chemistry between us, that he doesn’t treat me special enough, that there’s no deep emotional connection, that I’m emotionally unfulfilled,
that I’m settling, that I “have no backbone” because I’m still conflicted instead of leaving,
and that if I’m questioning the relationship this much, then that itself is my answer. At one point I even liked a reel about wanting to feel deeply emotionally seen, and when she saw it she basically took it as confirmation that I shouldn’t marry him. The conversation got so emotionally overwhelming that at one point I snapped and said “who are you to tell me whether I should marry
The thing is, I already naturally overthink relationships and emotional connection deeply. So when someone I trust speaks with that much certainty, I start spiraling and questioning everything my feelings, my attraction, my standards, even my istikhara. What confuses me even more is that when I talk to my mom, she sees the situation completely differently. She thinks my friend is being too emotionally intense and unrealistic about relationships. She keeps reminding me that real marriage is more nuanced than social media, that caring people can still be imperfect, and that romantic gestures/chemistry alone don’t define whether someone is respectful or a good long-term partner.
I honestly feel stuck between two extremes right now: one side telling me I’m settling, and another side telling me I’m overthinking a flawed but caring person because of anxiety and outside influence.
Has anyone else dealt with friends becoming too emotionally involved in their relationship decisions during the Muslim marriage process? How do you separate your own intuition from anxiety and other people’s voices?