u/Night__Master

The phrase "nobody owes you anything" is often used to promote personal responsibility, but it most often serves as an excuse for selfishness. While no one is entitled to unlimited time or resources from others, healthy relationships depend on empathy, respect, and mutual care—not just the absence of obligation.

When people use this phrase to dismiss someone's feelings or avoid accountability, it becomes a way to justify indifference, shirking one's responsibilities (often ones they've explicitly agreed to uphold in the past), and sometimes even justifies cruelly mistreating or abandoning others. Friends, family, and communities may not owe each other everything, but they do have shared responsibilities that make trust and cooperation possible. I find it especially hypocritical when people who call for others to be empathetic and make a big deal about how left/liberal they are politically, etc. suddenly deploy this talking point the moment anything is expected of them. These people often mock libertarians but they are effectively strict libertarians in their personal life (and as many of them say, the personal is political).

The truth is that society works because people choose to help one another, even when they aren't strictly legally required to. Many speak of how they feel lonely, and lament the current low trust social climate where people ghost for any and no reason without regard for how the other person will feel. Based on some of the interactions I've had, it seems they imagine themselves as celebrities (or at least local/small scale celebrities due to having a social media following or whatever) whose relationship with others is more as fans than as equals. The truth is, to assume this status is asking a lot of your community. At the very least a baseline of decency and respect in how one communicates with others is owed. If someone doesn't react in kind, it's fair to react accordingly (but be proportional and fair, maybe they were having a bad day).

Pretty much all social media apps are full of variations on "women are all attractive, most men are ugly" day in, day out on everyone's feed. Many of the posters here seem to be lesbians, transwomen, etc. so I'm sure you're familiar with the Bechdel test. I'm paraphrasing but, it was based on the idea that women don't really care or talk about men that much, in order for something to authentically represent women it should have them talk about something other than a man. Why don't women (most of the ones talking about this on social media 24/7 even claim to be feminist) follow their own advice and stop talking about men for a while?

Personally I think feeling the need to talk about people you're not attracted to or interested in constantly is a sign of something unhealthy. I suspect there's a bit of a "doth protest too much" thing where they actually want men but resent those feelings and try to get rid of them by claiming the opposite all the time (similar to repressed homosexuals obsessed with but also extremely wary of anything that could be construed ashomosexual). Women probably also like it because it's a cheap and easy way to women to bond (as with any man bashing) and feel like they're part of a team. Also I suspect some countries like Russia and China want to keep the birthrate in the West low and push feminism and queer separatism to the masses (and feminists lap it up like fools).

Maybe there was a time when people were too polite, and it was good to finally be honest about certain things that could be hard to take. But we're well past that now. We've reached the point where people seem to assume something isn't true unless it's cruel. This assumption can be observed on social media, in pop culture, and I have noticed it many times in conversations with friends and acquaintances. People feel comfortable "brutally" criticizing other people's appearance, interpreting personal situations in the most uncharitable way possible, and generally assuming the worst about others in the name of honesty.

There's also the related idea that as long as someone is honest, it doesn't matter how terrible what they're saying is, how much it requires of others, or how much it hurts them. They should be rewarded simply for being honest. This often happens when someone shares a "based" hot take that insults others, calls for them to be inconvenienced, emotionally or physically abused, sometimes even harmed or killed, or celebrates extreme selfishness at others' expense. There is no virtue in this type of honesty either, and it should not be rewarded.

In an attempt to counteract perceived pressure to be positive at the expense of honesty, we've (perhaps unintentionally at first, but I think much of it is intentional now) created a social climate where accentuating the negative is rewarded above all else.

Honesty is a virtue, but so is the tact that comes from recognizing that compassion, integrity, and humility are virtues too. Honesty that serves only the person dishing it out while withholding positive aspects of one's assessment, or at the very least a basic level of kindness for the person expected to receive the "brutal" honesty, becomes its own kind of dishonesty.

I think one of the bigger divides I see on this sub is the idea that women are hetero but only for chad, versus the idea that women are really homosexual but were forced into heterosexuality for most of human history. Both ideas have some evidence, from psychology studies, dating app data showing women only like chad, and the common claim that "all women are sexy, only a tiny percentage of men are attractive."

With the admission that both have a kernel of truth out of the way, I think there's more going on than what women share on social media or what psychology departments and dating apps are willing to study and publish. I understand the frustration, but I think we're ceding too much to women when we fixate on these explanations. You'll notice the women (or those claiming to be women) who come to this sub always add endless qualifiers and caveats instead of simply admitting that things have become increasingly unfair and that women are intentionally punishing non-chad men by constantly talking about how much they love chad and women. They can never just be kind to us.

Average/mid women want a story that says they're not guilty for treating decent average/mid men badly, that there's always another man around the corner, and that the sisterhood will always be there to provide a lesbian lover too. They hate feeling that a door closed or they really genuinely lost something, they can be greedy like that.

To speak to the title, I do not believe compulsory heterosexuality exists at all among women in any Western country. The fact that they pursue and have sex with men at all in this hetero-pessimist social climate shows they have at least some innate attraction toward men. Many seem into the idea of political lesbianism and willing to experiment, but that rarely seems to work out long term. I suspect this is because they're actually just hetereosexual and afraid to admit it because that's boring and there's actually more social pressure to be bi or homosexual now than heterosexual, especially for women. I also believe women's sexuality is more socially influenced than men's, and that much of their current behavior is based on seeing how much they can get or how much men will tolerate than on their genuine desires. Even the few who don't intentionally pursue chad (though they still often wind up with at least a chad lite as their bf, or are just one of those kinda women who are kinda femcels due to fumbling a lot due to anxiety or avoidant behavoir), they still derive satisfaction from knowing they have that option and most men don't. The same applies to believing they'll always have a lesbian backup. So what can be done? Well, on our side men should be less into women (as my recent post on this sub stated). Women will need to stop their game of chicken they're engaging in against men, and get more serious about articulating a model for heterosexuality that they feel is compatible with feminism. If they fail to do this, I suspect the society that survives will be far less feminist and much more patriarchal than any they've seen in recent memory (at least outside of maybe muslim majority countries, though many of those are pretty tame compared to what could be to come if they continue this game of chicken against men).

I'll admit I'm only a casual browser of this sub. I am something of a fellow traveler. A millennial who fortunately saw enough of the pre/early dating app period to see that something at least somewhat better is possible, but most of my reproductive years have been spent alone or with some woman seeing an opportunity to breadcrumb me for a bit and me with nothing to show for it. So I think it's fair to say I'm a fellow traveler.

There's a lot of cynicism and hopelessness here, much of it based on lived experience, backed up by studies, and we even have women (or accounts posing as women) come to talk about how they're lesbian and reinforce that women just don't like us. Men here talk about giving up, checking out due to frustration. I get it, but I suspect many of these same men are still trying to some degree. I find that personally and from what I've observed in other people hopelessness like this only leads to increasingly pathetic and doomed attempts to date or get sex out of desperation and extreme frustration, then a spiral of even more depression from that failure. It becomes a cycle that repeats. It's probably not really comforting but women have this too. For average women in the current era this cycle means having to pursue or just accommodate a chad, which they find humiliating since feminism/female supremacism has conditioned them to believe they shouldn't have to pursue or put in any effort for a man. Then he ghosts, she feels like shit but won't "settle" for her looksmatch. Instead, she will treat her looksmatch even shittier as "revenge" for what chad did (noteworthy that chad never has to experience the shitty attitude women give her looksmatch or unattractive men). For men, maybe it's hiring a sex worker, giving the dating apps another try, a pathetic and ineffective time out on the town hitting on women or DMing a bunch of women on social media or reddit.

Observing all this has led me to believe the problem is that we're not organized. Men have no sense of solidarity, we're just atomized men giving up and venting. Women have won the culture war. They have us conditioned to believe having any sort of bro code, or organizing socially so that we may all benefit is us trying to be oppressors who'll bring back patriarchy, but in reality it's our only hope. I remember from an early age I refused to date any girl who I knew had a boyfriend or even just a guy she was stringing along, now men will gladly throw a woman's boyfriend/husband under the bus for a crumb of pussy. I also refused to cheat during the period I had a girlfriend, even though I had more women pursuing me and expressing interest in me than I ever have in my life since. We must uphold monogamy. Expose all cheaters (especially women, but also chads or any other men). Women are trying to push poly relationships so they can continue pursuing chad while keeping a beta around to pay the bills. Instead of reinforcing other men's cynicism and telling him he's ugly, it's hopeless, etc. let's build each other up. We can't make false promises that women will love us, but we can choose not to reinforce women's unrealistic standards on each other and call them out for what they are. We need to bring back male only spaces and call for men to be represented well in media (just like women do). These are just some ideas off the top of my head. Some of these will mean not putting women on a pedestal anymore, but the results will be worth it.

Lastly, we have to stop giving them such outrageously lopsided attention, goodwill, and so on. I understand some of it is probably inevitable due to biology and deep seated social norms. Men want to show how much they like women, want women to like them, and, especially with the rise of female supremacism, want displays of women's approval as a way to show they're worthy in society. However, even though they say they hate us, act indifferent to us, etc. I think it's safe to say they do want our attention. Even if it's just our anonymous attention on social media they only want because enough of it can get them money. We need to start being like them and withholding it. Even a little decline or making them do more for it can go a long way.