u/Nihyo_Niyuki

I’m scared of everything, I don’t see a way out of it either, I can’t stop crying and panicking, my knees feel weak and my stomach feels empty

I don’t know what to do other than to die, I keep fucking up everything, every thing I do makes my best friend hate herself and think my problems are her fault, she’s so overworked with everything im just a useless burden anyway, I wanted to stay with her forever but I can’t and we speak ans less and less, I love her so much and she says it all about me and I believe her but it doesn’t feel true and I feel like Im hopelessly praying for the attention of someone who’s life I only make worse wether she acknowledges it or not, I don’t know what to do anymore I just want it to go away and be how it was before, I don’t want to lose anyone else, everything feels wrong

If I died I feel like it’d be like turning off a light and making this all go away, I can’t take my worries and my abandonment fears anymore, how dare I even feel that after all she’s done for me too, it’s because of someone else

Why can’t this all stop and let me be happy with the people i love, I’ll never have a happy life so I don’t know why I can’t just die, im too young for this shit I never got to have a normal growing up

17 F

Hi! My name is niyuki, I’m from Japan, I don’t find a lot of people with my kinds of interests so I don’t have many friends that share them with me so I thought I’d come here, I am a great history enthusiast mainly regarding east Asia, I like to make maps and write about alternative history (with varying degrees of quality lol) Im also a Star Wars fan, I love devil may cry, I play minecraft, stuff like that I guess

Im kinda shy and bad at starting conversations, Im worried I’ll be dry or smth but usually once a conversation gets going I’ll manage well enough

Im new to Reddit and I mainly came to find others like myself, I have an interest in maps and history, things of that nature but most communities seem to not allow me to post due to my accounts age or not having enough points for some reason, is there any that might welcome a newcomer?

There are many communities here I’d like to join though most unfortunately have karma requirements, I’m kind of bad at starting conversations let alone discussions, so I’d like to learn how to make something engaging