u/Nimboo_chutney

I (29F) am in love with my boyfriend (32M) of 3 years. I want to get married but he doesn’t because neither of us are financially stable. Both of us come from generational wealth but neither of us are working with an active income right now.

I have worked in corporate for a 4-5 years before getting drained out and starting my own business which didn’t work out. He hasn’t worked a day in his life except of playing in the stock market which deeply troubles me as it often destroys his mental health and day.

He doesn’t want to get married till he is on his two feet so that his considerably liberal family doesn’t taunt him and support us forever- which is fair. I want to get married because I come from a typical orthodox baniya family and they are after my life to get married and honestly marriage terrifies me unless I think of it being with him. It terrifies me that I will have to make myself smaller everyday to fit into another business baniya family with many rules and regulations that I have fought all my life to get out of.

His family loves me and already think of me as their daughter but they aren’t too keen on marriage either because neither of us earn.

My parents on the other hand are extremely forceful to get me married and they don’t care about the not earning part because they think they can provide us with ‘something’ and then we will do ‘something’. But I know they will also taunt us and try to control us.

I keep looking for jobs and getting rejected. I am so exhausted. And I lost a considerable amount of money in the business that was my parents money. Because of that, I am deeply ashamed and have not had a decent night’s sleep since then and I am barely hanging on and so is he.

I just keep wishing that my problems would go away and I would find peace and happiness and so would he and see marriage as the only option. But on thinking it over, I get doubts over if he would ever do a business with me, would ever leave the stock market and would ever look into financial security because he has none. He spends money faster than he gets it.

I don’t know. I am not perfect either. I just don’t know what to do. Because I don’t want to imagine a life without him. He is kind, funny, caring , generous, emphatic and just a beautiful human being when he is not troubled by money woes. He is my best friend and has no bad habits except this and is also just trying to make it in this world.

I guess- I am just looking for opinions of women who are older than me, have far more life experience than me on what should I do. Feel free to be harsh and counsel me like a mother figure if so. My mother groomed me to be a wife- something I never wanted to be so I don’t know how to be okay anymore.

I (29F) am in love with my boyfriend (32M) of 3 years. I want to get married but he doesn’t because neither of us are financially stable. Both of us come from generational wealth but neither of us are working with an active income right now.

I have worked in corporate for a 4-5 years before getting drained out and starting my own business which didn’t work out. He hasn’t worked a day in his life except of playing in the stock market which deeply troubles me as it often destroys his mental health and day.

He doesn’t want to get married till he is on his two feet so that his considerably liberal family doesn’t taunt him and support us forever- which is fair. I want to get married because I come from a typical orthodox baniya family and they are after my life to get married and honestly marriage terrifies me unless I think of it being with him. It terrifies me that I will have to make myself smaller everyday to fit into another business baniya family with many rules and regulations that I have fought all my life to get out of.

His family loves me and already think of me as their daughter but they aren’t too keen on marriage either because neither of us earn.

My parents on the other hand are extremely forceful to get me married and they don’t care about the not earning part because they think they can provide us with ‘something’ and then we will do ‘something’. But I know they will also taunt us and try to control us.

I keep looking for jobs and getting rejected. I am so exhausted. And I lost a considerable amount of money in the business that was my parents money. Because of that, I am deeply ashamed and have not had a decent night’s sleep since then and I am barely hanging on and so is he.

I just keep wishing that my problems would go away and I would find peace and happiness and so would he and see marriage as the only option. But on thinking it over, I get doubts over if he would ever do a business with me, would ever leave the stock market and would ever look into financial security because he has none. He spends money faster than he gets it.

I don’t know. I am not perfect either. I just don’t know what to do. Because I don’t want to imagine a life without him. He is kind, funny, caring , generous, emphatic and just a beautiful human being when he is not troubled by money woes. He is my best friend and has no bad habits except this and is also just trying to make it in this world.

I guess- I am just looking for opinions of women who are older than me, have far more life experience than me on what should I do. Feel free to be harsh and counsel me like a mother figure if so. My mother groomed me to be a wife- something I never wanted to be so I don’t know how to be okay anymore.

My soon to be mil is a wonderful woman. She is kind, loving, does a lot for me and in general treats me like her daughter.

The issue here is regarding her younger son- my partner’s brother. He is physically and emotionally abusive, especially towards her. Her husband was also the same and she and both her sons have suffered a lot through his hands as well.

Thankfully my partner’s father is no longer in their lives. But the younger son more than makes up for the abuse and he is my age.

I hate him from my very core. He goes against everything I stand for and any child who hits their parent, especially those who are too weak to retaliate are the scum of this earth.

The problem is that she doesn’t stand up for herself at all and doesn’t let anyone else either atleast in a way that would be detrimental to him. Defends his poor behavior to the moon, blaming his childhood, father and trauma and in general doesn’t do anything to correct his behavior. Feels pity for him and guilty that she is the reason he turned out this way.

Before i knew of his violent tendencies, I tried to be friends with him and he was verbally abusive towards me too. But i let it go and after it happened the 3rd time- I developed a huge dislike for him and stopped speaking to him altogether.

She nevertheless kept involving me in activities that concerned him. Once I couldn’t take it anymore and told her- what I think of him verbatim and do not want to associated with him in any way. She would not accept it and retaliated with some nasty words about me.

I didn’t speak to her after that, till she reached out and pretended nothing happened. I let it go then too.

Now whenever we talk, she tries to paint him in a good light and highlights my partner’s issues which bothers me but I stay mum. I recently disagreed with her regarding something small and she said - ‘you would because you are biased against her son’. I was pissed, but tried to explain myself to avoid conflict and spoke about other things.

The whole issue now is that I do not like speaking to or hanging out with her at all. An activity I previously enjoyed- because she is highly educated, independent and a kind supportive woman who genuinely cares for me.

I feel resentful and frustrated because I do want a relationship with her, but I cannot tolerate that monster of her son. And apart from him, she is a mil- most women wish they would have.

She is retired and has no one except her sons. I don’t want to leave her alone with her young son when my partner and I get married, but under no circumstance do I want to live with her son. And she made it clear that her younger son and her is a package deal.

My partner is with me on this a 100% and had already forewarned me that his mother treats him the same way she is treating me when it comes to his brother, because for her- he comes first. He tells me to put myself first and do what I think is right.

I guess what I am trying to say is- have you guys been through something like this? Or if you have any advice on how to handle this- it would be very appreciated.

Because while going NC and LC with her is an option, I do not want to do it to her. She is a good person who suffered a lot in life and deserves happiness and I know if I go LC/NC- eventually her son will too and she will be left with her crazy ass son who I don’t know will do what to her.