u/No-Breakfast-9106

It's not a huge deal to start off with, it wasn't a racist joke or blatantly misogynistic one, nor was it even mean, but it still bothered me.

To clarify, I'm a feminist (a fairly radical one, I might add), and my partner and I share the same views. We've been dating since we were 17 and 18, and our politics have gotten a lot more extreme with the rise of misogyny. I don't tolerate any sexist/misogynistic jokes. My partner has cut off all of their male friends with the exception of one that we're both friends with, no prompting or anything, because even though they were "leftist," they were very insensitive. My partner had enough, and one day, just cut them all off. My partner transitioned into being nonbinary almost six months ago, so I've been helping them transition and discuss medical care for it. They're very serious about transitioning, not just changing their pronouns. Anyway, I'm a black cis woman, so I tease them occasionally about them being less stronger than me emotionally and physically. It's just one of the ways I poke fun at them. They call themselves the delicate one since they're not very physically strong and cry easily.

Anyway, today, they were carrying a case of water they got for my family into our house and were struggling a bit. They said they hurt their wrist since it was heavy, and I laughed and teased them for being weak. They said they knew they were weak, that they were dainty and delicate, and so was I. This bothered me because I'm physically stronger than them even though they're AMAB, so I said I wasn't dainty at all, that I was pretty masculine and whatnot. I asked what made me "dainty and delicate," and they made a joke about us having soft hands and not being real workers since we didn't work in the mines with cement on our hands. This bothered me a lot. I've felt insecure about not infantilizing myself, and we both have jobs. They know I work hard and have always called me capable. I'm working at my college's library over the summer and working to be a lawyer. We both agreed that I was gonna be the breadwinner.

They said they were referring to those videos of conservative old guys who call people "liberal and soft" for not washing their hands with oil, and that we both obviously work real jobs, just that they wanted to poke fun at me for calling them weak. They apologized and said that I'm neither delicate nor dainty. They just wanted to show how silly it sounded to base strength and job validity off of "masculinity." But still, even if it was ironic, it's still invalidating.

So my partner is 18 (nonbinary), and I'm 19, and we're watching my little siblings while my mom is away for her birthday vacation. I'm at work, and my partner picked up my sister from middle school (she's 13.) I'm fine with this, my mom is fine with this, I have her number and they both texted me before, during and after. My partner has been in my family for the past two years since they were 16 and have a close relationship with my family. Still, I am aware of family danger and how a lot of trauma girls and women experienced came from people they know/are close to.

My partner knows this. I trust them, but better safe than sorry, so I always make sure that my sister knows I'm there if anything happens. They've been driving my sister around for the past year, but I always go with them unless it's impossible. Today is one of those days. Anyway, while picking up my sister, her best friend, who my partner has met before through my sister (they were a senior in highschool last year, and the high school and middle school are connected) asked if she could get a ride. My partner hesitated, and my sister called the friend's mom to ask if it was alright, to which the mom not only agreed but asked if they could take her. The friend's mom stayed on the phone the entire car trip (about a six minute drive from the school, but a fairly far walk uphill). My partner figured why not and dropped her off, as they also gave her and my sister rides back when they were in high school.

I'm a little hesitant about this as my partner is now in college as a freshman. It was one thing to be at the same school and basically leaving from the same place, but I'm afraid that people will think this is odd. My partner expressed some hesitation, and so I told my sister to be mindful of asking them to give her friends rides, even in this case.

I wholeheartedly trust my partner (and I know my sister is telling the truth because she also often asks if I can give her friends who walk home rides) but I'd feel weary if my daughter asked if she could get a ride from a friend's older partner, regardless if they met before or if I was in the phone. It's fairly hot outside, and who the hell wants to walk uphill, but should my partner have said no? Am I overthinking this? I told my sister to be mindful of asking my partner to give her friends' rides, and my partner agreed with me that they felt a little uncertain.

My SO has given that friend rides before last year with my sister, and her mom is aware and knows them, but that was back when they were in high school at 17. It's a little different, I thought, now that they don't go to the same school anymore.