u/No-Butterfly-3422

My grandfather taught me that if you're going to harvest an eldritch god, you respect it by using every part. The wings go on the smoker, the brisket goes low and slow, and the bacon is worth losing your sanity over.

🚨 BREAKING: A couple climbed to the top of the Empire State Building today to celebrate their engagement.

As the banner unfurled, onlookers were stunned to see it simply read:

THANK YOU GARY.

At the Little Bighorn, our ancestors defeated Custer.

Evil Gary just showed up to make it worse.

Happy Victory Day. 😆🐱

150 years later, we're still here.

Today we honor the courage, sacrifice, and determination of the Lakota, Northern Cheyenne, and Arapaho warriors who fought at the Battle of the Little Bighorn.

Their victory became part of our history. Their legacy lives on through our families, our communities, our languages, our songs, and our people.

Happy Victory Day. 🩵

Say Thank You Gary.

Authorities have identified the individual responsible for vandalism at the Lincoln Memorial.

The suspect has been identified as Evil Gary.

When questioned by investigators, he responded:

"Mrrrow."

And lo, the Great Dreamer rose from sunken R'lyeh, his impossible form shattering the minds of all who beheld him...

...whereupon he was promptly hit by a fishing trawler operated by three men named Lars.

Evil Gary was left unsupervised in the barn.

Day 37

The entity continues to flee.

Evil Gary continues to follow.

Containment efforts remain unsuccessful. Researchers are no longer sure which one is the predator.

There has been much speculation regarding Evil Gary's position on Pride Month.

Today, Evil Gary would like to set the record straight.

Evil Gary is NOT anti-gay.

True, Evil Gary is evil. It's literally in his name. Evil Gary enjoys causing chaos, confusing people, knocking things off tables, and occasionally staring into the void for uncomfortable lengths of time.

But Evil Gary is not THAT evil.

As a result, Evil Gary has issued an official Pride Month statement and provided everyone with a Pride Flag.

If this act of inclusion and basic human decency offends you, Evil Gary would like to respectfully inform you that he does not care.

In fact, Evil Gary finds your anger amusing.

Happy Pride Month from Evil Gary.

🏳️‍🌈🐱

Official Evil Gary Message To Homophobes:

"FUCK YOU."