u/No-Care1039

I'm 23F, have a bachelors in marketing w a psych minor and have been working for the fed gov since I was 19, just hit 3 years due to moving a lot (husband was military) so there were gaps waiting for onboarding at each duty station.

Anyway at 3 years my leave acquired is at 6 hrs a pay period. In 5 months I'll be at 1 year and get a step increase. Currently I'm a GS-6 step 1.

I'll also qualify for GS-7.

Issue is my current series has no growth I'd have to move. We moved here as our perminent forever location. The only 7s are different series and even the 6s in different series have denied me. Meaning I've hit a wall federally.

I've been offered interviews for local gov that pay more but would have been kinda miserable work and less benefits.

Private sector I have no skills, entry level marketing is just social media management part time for like $20hr if I'm lucky (I don't know how to do that haha). So unless I find a unicorn remote job I feel so stuck.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What should I be working on? I am the bread winner so bringing in more is needed I barely make over $25 hr right now but I do get really good overtime hours, I'm just so tired.

(Looking for long-term advice I'm fine staying in this position for as long as needed to advance. My husband is in college and I have no student loans and neither will he. Trying to avoid paying more money than needed)

I just need to rant about this since no one understands and I feel like I'm just whiny. Anyway.

I am 23. I have been working 5 hours overtime a week and even that has made my chronic exhaustion worse (I have a laundry list of things but biggest thing is a connective tissue disorder so my body is just tired holding itself together, I never feel rested)

Anyway we are struggling financially. My husband is in college full time and barely makes above min wage. After my deductions (insurance retirement etc) I make like 200 if more than him. So I have to work overtime. Recently he's gotten behind in college and cannot keep going how he is he is barely sleeping I'm talking 3 hours a night. So I told him to drop another day a week. He goes to classes in person 3x a week and we share a car.

Ok with that being said big rant part.

My engine is being replaced. It suffered a catastrophic oil leak in our move a month after dealership work. I assume something wasn't placed right and it ran out of oil (literally got an oil change and wasn't due for one till we finished the drive). Anyway. This car is newer just outside warranty and we owe on it. It's low mileage too so a new engine was the only option (2k+2-3k labor)

This means we need money now.

Then my cat gets sick. $1k, he's NEVER been sick in his 9 years of living.

Plus some life stress, childhood friend passing, extra work assigned to me etc

Anyway the only option for me is to pick up more work. If I work 25 hours a pay period, 50 a month in overtime we will make an extra 1,400 roughly after everything. I just don't know how I will do it.

I obviously have to but I am so tired

Like always.

Anyway rant over life goes on I just feel sick and so tired.

I found out recently my childhood crush (2nd to 6th grade) passed. He was only 23. we were 23.

I moved a lot growing up and had a rough childhood. I eventually started a new school (my 4th school) in second grade. I saw him and immediately was obsessed. He was my first crush. I thought he was the sweetest cutest boy. I set him as my goal and it helped with my life. He became my light. Cannot think of that time and not think of him. Everything was about him.

I moved away again in 7th grade and saw him one time briefly passing in a mall a year later. That's the last I saw of him. Over the years I've searched but he didn't use social media and his family had a different name online. His friends didn't post much because well, boys.

Eventually we get to last week. I was scrolling Facebook and came upon a mutual friends post. I didn't recognize him at first and kept scrolling but as I did the name caught me and I went back and realized what I was reading. His obituary. I was at work.

The immediate feeling was wrong. This is wrong.

Eventually we get to the pain part. I felt completely confused like a shallow pain, sadness and wrong. I didn't cry for the first few days but eventually it hit

I've been crying most days since and it feels like it's getting worse. My sadness is multiplying. I feel so bad I mean this kid was my entire life for years. How could him of everyone pass?

We were supposed to be on the same path. For years we were the top kids of our class too I mean he was supposed to find love. Have kids, have joy. Instead he's just gone.

I feel like a part of me is gone.

Now I want to mention I do not love him still obviously. It's been 11 years. The feeling I have is like a soul level like he was connected to my life and what made me.

I mean all he did was mention once his favorite football team and I decided me too! I graduated from that college.

Something small like an allergy he had, I was so convinced little me would marry him so I made myself not like that food since he couldn't have it. I still don't like it.

He greatly impacted my life and now he's gone and who do I talk to? How do I cope? I didn't know him. I didn't know his friends. I \*knew\* him and his friends but I got married and moved away years ago.

I just feel so alone and so incredibly sad. I feel that this can't be real and I just don't understand how it was him.

I found out recently my childhood crush (2nd to 6th grade) passed. I won't disclose how in case someone I know finds this and outs two and two together but it made it worse.

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He was only 23.

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I haven't seen him since 6th grade besides maybe once a year or two later in a mall briefly passing by I think. So essentially 0 contact in 11 years.

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This person was my first love. Taught me feelings I had never known about. I mean I changed so much because of him. I was honestly obsessed as a kid (probably not in a good way but hey, child). I was convinced we'd get married and since he was allergic to peanuts I decided I couldn't like them, funny enough, I still don't.

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His fav college football team, he mentioned it in 3rd grade so I copied him. I graduated from that university in 2024.

These little things forever changed my life. I think about him on and off all the time. He was my childhood.

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I found out he passed because a friend shared his obituary on Facebook. Eventually another friend forwarded it to me but I had already seen it. She then told me what happened.

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Ultimately I don't know how to process what I'm feeling I don't know what I'm feeling. It's like a new emotion.

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It's grief, it's pain, it's a flat, dull, shallow feeling. I feel completely out of it and tear up but haven't cried.

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I can't believe it. Like of everyone. Everyone I have been to school with. It was him. How could he have died?

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we were dubbed the top of our class when we went to school together. Smartest guy and girl. I felt semi competitive like maybe he'd notice me.

We were supposed to both be happy and at the same point in life. I figured he got married, maybe even had a kid.

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His existence online wasn't a thing. I searched every year for him bc I was curious what he was up to, if he was married, what he looked like. Always came up empty. I saw him for the first time in 11 years in an obituary.

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I also feel it is unfair to grieve. I am happily married grieving over another man, granted I know I am grieving over our childhood and him as a child. I just keep picturing him a specific time in a bright blue track suite zip up type outfit st recess this little kid. And he's gone forever. There's no him anymore.

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I don't know how I feel or understand how to process this. I only found out yesterday. I just don't understand.

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I know I shouldn't hurt I mean I didn't even know him. I have no one to talk to I'm not close to anyone from our childhood and the mutual friends are all just Facebook friends. It also wouldn't be appropriate since they were still friends with him and are feeling a stronger despair.

What do I do? How do I process this.