They say it's to balance but that doesn't make any sense to buy so many shares in a company with a massive debt load if you dont have some faith or expectations of making a profit.
Im not sure where to even post this so i apologize and for the long rant.
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To start off; when we first got together we were having sex 2-3 times a day averaging 30 mins to an hour if we're including foreplay and me going down on her and getting her off (which i always throughly enjoy/ed.) After our son arrived and don't get me wrong I understand hormone fluctuations, birth control effect and breastfeeding along with day to day life and being touched out. I never expected sex to be the same for awhile after we became parents. We started off doing once or twice a week while the baby slept and it was usually one or the other getting off with our time window.
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Slowly she wanted to be gone down on less and would break down and not feel sexy/attractive and just put off and overstimulated (always was there to reassure and sometimes at that point I just sat there with her and we ended up skipping sex) Body image has taken a toll and we've slowly worked on her confidence and self care to find outlets to help her feel better over time. She did antidepressants to assist with the mood swings with no matter what I said or did or didn't say or do I was the target of the anger and hostility. Which I did and have done my best to bite my tongue and take it (not perfect every time I'll admit but I've grown as has she) Well not til recently
with one of our last conflict did she consider and seriously want to look into anxiety medication of some sort to help center and alleviate the extremity of the episodes.
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Long story short fast forward to earlier last week she broke down before being intimate and said to just get it over with she doesn't enjoy it but to make me happy and feels like she has to and it hurt to hear and I always take on the mantle of im not going to go through with anything when my partner is in a mindset of get it done with or just do it already and becoming frantic and hysterical over many things. I can't go through with it when she reaches that point and it makes her spiral more. (She has a long rough history of trauma and abusive relationships) I've been told all I expect when I touch her is sex then in the same month been told I don't touch her enough or think she's attractive through endless assurance.
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I've realized I can't heal every wound of her or prevent every emotional break and I do everything I can between helping with chores and assisting with our child or whatever to help give her breaks and lighten the load. But some days I get jaded and feel like our only connection is our kid and all the energy exchanged is on him or me trying to prevent arguments and her energy goes to everything except me at the bottom of the list unless it's the target of something that went wrong or caused her to feel some way or how I could've prevented it. I try it next time around and then it's something else in the game of whack a mole. We've done maybe 3-4 date nights in the last 8 months where she was okay leaving him somewhere for 3 hours max.
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I could continue but it's like how do I voice myself without setting her off into some defensive state where I become the bad guy or like im not invested in us or is it even possible without getting help with her mental turmoil? I've started to question if she's even with me because of love and has any attraction or if she's eyeing other people or maybe is just scared of losing part of the security and provision, but i know child rearing can be very difficult for anyone involved and try to not think too hard on my insecurities as we're with each other a lot, know our schedules and communicate pretty religiously in anything we do or plan and then I feel like a dick. I just don't know what to do or say to even get to even some of the physical and emotional intimacy we used to share. I try to tough it out but I can only take so much of a hand and watching strangers go at it on a neon screen....
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Tl;dr (Feeling distance from female partner 8 months postpartum and also worried to not further upset or provoke emotional responses from her in voicing my concerns/needs and wants as it can lead to more spiraling/conflict which further divides us)