Not Respecting When I Say No
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I've been with my fiancé for almost ten years now. We have had several conversations over the years about how I don't have as high of a sex drive that he does. Several fights about him not respecting when I say no. I thought we were past it. He doesn't even respect me enough to touch me in ways that don't hurt me.
About a month ago I wound up with a UTI because of him, that spread to my kidneys, and I was miserable for a couple of weeks in pain.
I started feeling better last week, so this past weekend he decided was his time to get laid again. I was okay with once on Saturday. On Sunday morning he tried to initiate, and I told him no, I'm sore, and I need a break.
Later in the afternoon I was falling asleep on the couch so he suggested taking a nap. Well, he wasn't actually intending on letting me nap. As soon as I laid down he was pulling down my shorts.
I feel disgusted in myself. I'm still cramping. My back hurts, my legs are sore.
I didn't fully realize until last night that he's been abusing me. And I'm so ashamed.
Does anyone have any advice for bringing this up and having a conversation about how I cannot forgive this anymore? Or just anyone I could talk to about it..