u/No-Put-6353

This is just a general post and I'm hoping I can get some better insight. I'm a male in the Los Angeles area and I have both Bumble and Hinge. The pictures for both are the same, the bios and information are very close to similar based on the different apps. For some reason I have way better success on hinge than bumble. I'll get more matches on and dates in Hinge as opposed to bumble which is a desert for me. Is there a particular reason for this? Should my bumble profile be built differently? I live in LA so it's not a ghost town but I just don't have luck on bumble as opposed to hinge.

I’m (29F) having an identity crisis over whether I see my future in OC or LA and I genuinely can’t put my mind at ease about it.

For context: I grew up in OC and still live with my parents in North OC and work here. I’ve basically been here my whole life. Part of me feels this huge urge to experience something different before settling down and I romanticize West LA because it feels more walkable, diverse, energetic, exciting, etc. I worry that if I stay in OC forever I’ll feel like I never really left my comfort zone. And sometimes I get sick of driving so much just to do the tiniest of errands. Also being a POC, I feel as though OC is not too diverse and it makes me uncomfortable to think about one day raising a family here.

But on the other hand, my boyfriend and I are very serious, and he strongly prefers OC long term. He’s open to maybe a year in LA but not anytime soon bc he works in OC but he’s most likely down before we have kids. He also lives and works in OC right now. He thinks LA is too dirty, crowded, expensive, traffic-heavy, and not ideal for raising kids someday. And honestly, I do understand his perspective too at times. OC feels safer, calmer, easier, cleaner, and more practical for family life.

The issue is I don’t know if my desire for LA is a real lifestyle mismatch, fear of “settling”, just wanting independence after living at home forever, romanticizing LA from the outside, or all of the above lol

I also don’t want to move super far from my boyfriend just to “prove something” to myself, especially because I do love him and see a future with him.

Did anyone else go through this internal battle between wanting the excitement/identity of LA vs the stability/family life of OC? Did moving actually help scratch the itch? Or did you realize the fantasy was bigger in your head than reality?

And for people who stayed in OC after wanting LA for years, do you regret it? Or did you eventually build a life you loved anyway?

I think I’m struggling with the feeling that whichever choice I make says something permanent about who I am as a person.

Edit: clarified my grammar regarding my bfs current position

Update: Thank you all for your suggestions and advice. It really helped me and I guess I have a lot of self reflecting to do before making any decisions. I do wanna clarify that I have a mostly WFH job but I do need to go into my office 2x a week and it’s in OC. So yes right now it maybe doesn’t make sense for me to even move to LA considering mine and my BFs job is here. I am looking for a new job so the goal is to maybe find one that’s fully remote or located in LA if I do plan to move. I do feel like I haven’t experienced enough of what’s out there because I’ve lived at home most of my life. I agree that rent is unnecessary since I get to live at home for free but there’s other things you give up on when living at home and saving money. I feel like I’ve lost time to experience new things and meet new people like making more friends. I do have a lot to think about though and I appreciate everyone who’s taken the time to respond :) thank you!!

Is it normal to ask for a selfie? Not a nude or anything inappropriate but just a picture of the person you're talking to. I've matched with people and a few of them will say no which I typically find off putting. Is this the norm?