We were together 6 years... I begged her to never do this...
I found out that my partner of 6 years (fiance of 1.5) cheated on me during her show.
I (29m) was with my partner, "Bloop" (25f) for 6 years. We started dating during the pandemic. I had plans to move to NY but then I met her and covid was happening.. so naturally we only saw each other and fell deeply in love and I stayed in our hometown. We are both theatre actors. Through the 6 years we were together my career took off more than hers, and it became an issue. I loved her so much and tried to look past so much of her jealousy of me and other friends of ours that were performers. Over time she got a little better about it and that was nice, but there were times it came back around in a bad way. For example, one time she came to a show of mine and left halfway through. Her mom had gotten sick and didn't feel good, but that's not the reason she told me she left. She told me it was too hard for her to watch the show because she wasn't in it and she really wanted it. That was a year into our relationship and something told me that should have been the end of things.
But it wasn't. I had to have a conversation of keeping our theatre lives separate because she was too jealous and unfortunately also insecure. No compliment I ever gave her meant anything. Any help or suggestions I tried to give her were unhelpful because she would always take it as criticism and she never did well with that. She would tell me how hard it was for her to deal with embarrassment and shame.
Even still, I loved my Bloop. She was funny, gorgeous, silly, loving, generous, caring, talented... All of that. Her flaws were just that, flaws.
We are both autistic... However she blatantly denied my autism and I kind of let her. Hers manifested itself in ways that unfortunately didn't let her see past herself most of the time. And I feel like she needed to be the only one... So I kind of let her? But like... I'm definitely also autistic. She's the only autistic person in my life (I have lots) that hasn't immediately realized my autism.
This year I felt her pulling away from me. She pulled away from our friends. I'm a huge nerd and I play lots of DnD and games of the such with our friends and she's so not into it that she just decided to stop hanging out with them all together. She would constantly talk about how much she wasn't into fantasy, fiction, or nerd culture and how it frustrated her that everyone wanted fiction and escapism but she didn't. It kind of bothered me because the way she would say it, especially this year, made me feel like she was saying she didn't like me...
She got cast in two shows this year. In the first show she had huge problems with professionalism in her show. She unfortunately can be unprofessional and bad at keeping her shit together for a show. There was a horrible miscommunication (I'm now realizing on her end) that I had to get involved with to try to help save her from her own bullshit. I now realize she was the problem and I made myself look like an ass defending her.
BUT HERE'S THE BIG ONE. The second show she did took up her entire summer. Which sucked because I was working more than I have ever worked in my life this summer. I was in a show, I was choreographing a show, I was directing a show (3 separate shows) at the same time. I was doing so because she lost her job and I had to support us financially for most of the summer. I barely saw her at all except for nights when I was getting home and she was going to bed.
As it turns out, she had been falling in love with one of her castmates the entire time...
The night I came to see her show I rode with her there and met with her family at a restaurant next door. We had a great time and all day I was talking about how excited I was to see her show and celebrate her. Before the show I get sick and vomit and I'm not feeling great, but I thug it out and I still have an incredible time watching her show. It was a brand new work and she was telling me how many changes it had gone through during rehearsals and it being rewritten and new songs getting added or taken out. Regular theatre shit. I was so excited.
The show was phenomenal. Afterwards I talked in the lobby with so many people about her and how incredible she was, including her castmates. She took a long time to come out, and my social battery was dead and I didn't feel great . But I gave her a huge hug and kiss and told her she was amazing. For the next 40min she talked with people and I kind of hung back because I didn't have it in me to do anymore socializing (autism).
On the way to the theater we picked up her friend "Holly". There was a weird vibe on the way to the show in the car but I thought nothing of it. Well, we also had to give Holly a ride home...
On the ride home I told Bloop I was very tired and my social battery was dead and I had thrown up. But they seemed to want to stay out and hang. I tried to make it clear I wasn't vibing with that and when asked I said I'd be down to go home. I then get a text from bloop saying I'm being rude and that she was dropping me off at home and staying out. Something was so off about it though. And there was just this horrible vibe in the car with Bloop and Holly... I tried to quietly talk to Bloop and tell her I'm sorry and I'm ok to stay... But she ignored me like I wasn't even talking to her. Literally. So we get to the corner of our home and at the stop sign I just get out and walk the 5min home. I text her that that was super shitty and I had just spent the whole day excited to see her show and celebrating her. She instead wanted to focus on a comment I said about being excited to see the next production of the show and what it will be and what will change... because it's a brand new work and that's literally how that goes. She made it into me being critical about the show and not liking it. We argue on the phone. She had stayed the night at Holly's house the night before (even though we never saw each other except nights) so I told her hey, just stay at Holly's house again because if you come home I don't think we're not gonna fight and I felt she was just being really weird and out of character.
Well, that night she did stay with Holly... and slept with her. And I don't believe that was the first time, it's just what I found out. I didn't find out until days later after she had still been staying at Holly's house because something in my spirit was telling me something was really really really wrong and I shouldn't see her. While she was there we texted a little, and I told her I didn't think this was working. She agreed. But it was all after she had been falling for her and then cheating on me. I bought her flowers and told her I loved her on the 4th day of is not staying in the same house. That entire day I was spiraling because something was so wrong in how she was talking to me and the vibes I got in that car.
So I checked her iPad, something I've never ever done.
Something I wish I hadn't done.
Turns out she cheated on me that night after we gave Holly a ride. It was obviously with Holly. The person she had been spending ALL of her time with all summer while I was never home working to provide for us.
I called her, it was an hour before her show. I asked her straight up. She lied. I asked her again. She lied. She lied and then lied. I told her I knew she was lying. That's when she disintegrated.
I crashed out. I had been cheated on in the past by a partner and it destroyed me and I BEGGED this girl to never ever ever ever do that to me. I told her she could do a lot of things but that was the ONE thing I'd lose my mind about... and she did it.
So I, in return, told everyone. I made a post on Facebook/Instagram almost immediately and told everyone what she did. Because 1) I only talked about how much I loved this girl and was excited to marry her. And everyone knew it. So I couldn't have people not knowing and coming up to me asking about her 2) ...I knew she wouldn't be able to handle it. I knew that she felt with feelings of embarrassment and shame a lot and that this is the kind of thing that would destroy her right back. And now she views me as equally wrong for telling people.
And it did. She's leaving the state. She's not sorry for what she did, she's sorry she got caught and I told everyone. I know if she could go back she wouldn't not cheat on me, she'd just take her iPad with her from home.
She is still with Holly. It's been 2 months and I moved in with my best friends into a new house. I'm spending hundreds less a month. But she kept our house and our cats and now had a new girlfriend. And I live in a constant state of shock and disbelief. I poured into this girl and invested my heart and life for 6 years. All I knew was loving her. But she kept me on a string for so long when I know she was gone long before she cheated on me.
So now we're two people who don't have any contact and we destroyed each other's lives.
And she's the only person I want to talk to about it. She was my best friend. My Bloop. I loved her so much. I have panic attacks all the time reliving me hearing Holly's voicemail to her saying she enjoyed their time together and how good it was. Any time I want to text her that I love her and realize I can't I want to fall to my knees and curl into a ball.
Tldr: my partner of 6 years cheated on me with a castmate after I begged her to never cheat on me and I told everyone.