worried abt bf not being attracted to me (LONG POST)
hi all,
been with my bf about 2 years. f18. i’m 5’2, 100lbs, just overall small, with pink hair/piercings and tattoos, all of which my boyfriend says he’s attracted to and loves. sometimes he’d have a hard time staying hard/stamina since when he was in season as a wrestler he’d have to cut and literally wouldn’t be eating or drinking anything (against my advice lol, but sometimes that’s just how he’d do it). when we were younger, abt 16, and less than a year into our relationship, i had caught him watching porn (we had agreed not to) and had also caught him on a patreon subscription for a game, an nsfw game for a dungeon thing and it was all gay content of femboys. that was the only gay content he was consuming. sometimes since then he wouldn’t be able to stay fully hard and this was after i told him about my struggles to finish during sex. when i asked, he told me he was so worried abt not being able to get me off. since then, i had caught him watching porn only one more time since he’d broken his leg and literally was sitting around all day while i was at school, and he got really depressed, so it made sense. and this time while going through everything it was all female, and he told me it was but i still feared it wasn’t, idk who knows.
recently on thursday, we were having like a sex talk over the phone, he was really horny bc we hadn’t done anything in awhile, and i made a joke and he was like “i love who i love” and “i love who im attracted to” then added “im attracted to you” and he had also mentioned his boss who he looks up to made a comment that day like “man i wish i was bisexual bc then i could get anyone i wanted”. i asked if he’d ever have sex with a femboy and he was like “yeah maybe” which kind of caught me off guard because the whole time we’ve been tg he would never ever say yes to anytime i’d ask about a girl or whatever. and i was feeling pretty insecure. i didn’t press anymore, then i asked him about it the next day and he was kind of avoiding the question and things i was hinting at. then later he had said “i would never have sex with a guy. i’ve never had romantic feelings let alone sexual feelings for anyone in person” and he also said he just thought it was the niche of it. i told him i understood cause a lot of porn addicts will get off to some crazy things when normal things didn’t do it for them anymore. and the line between fantasy/real life can get blurred, especially with something like femboys i can understand how the concept of femininity is pretty fluid. he told me himself first when we first started dating he wouldn’t want to do anal, which i agreed with lol
i guess my main question is if i really have something to worry about. i’m in no way homophobic, love who you love, but as someone who’s been cheated on so many times before and with him breaking my trust with so many things (not only porn. alcohol/drugs too) i’m afraid to continue a life with him like he says and have him down the line cheat on me because i can’t satisfy his needs deep down. back to what i was starting to say earlier, love who you love, but it’s hard for me to be with someone who might seem unsure because im so sure of who i am and i hate worrying and guessing. any advice???