u/No-Sprinkles-2597

So for some context, my boyfriend and i have been together on and off since we were 13 and for a while everything felt like a fairytale high school romance, but these past few months it's just not been working out for me at all.

i feel so trapped in this relationship, like im forcing myself to be here and i hate myself for it. he's always been great to me, always treated me well and said what i needed to hear. lately however, ive begun to realise that he and i are on completely different paths. he thinks everything is completely fine and after graduating im gonna do exactly what he did ("cause we're the same person with the same thoughts and ideas"), i have brought it up to him that i want different things than what he does but everytime he just shuts me down and makes me feel so stupid for it. these past few i dont even like to express my opinion in front of him cause i know that if its anything different to how he feels, hes just gonna make me feel stupid for it. and im not really someone who can easily say no to people, all my friends know that, and after dating me for 4 years i think he should have some idea too, but if i do say no to something he wants, he pretends to understand only to do it anyway. and after doing he says oh but you were okay with it right? even if ive told him multiple times previously that i was not. because of this i dislike even seeing him lately and it makes me kinda uncomfy cause i dont know what he wants to do and he never asks whether or not i want to do it or just does it despite me telling him previously cause "it'll be fun, you dont even know" and after all this he's always telling me how he believes in no means no and women believing in what they want (its ironic i know)

however im really scared to leave for a few reasons. firstly, everyone thinks we're so cute together, i am so intertwined in his life. im friends with all his friends and his family always asks about me. what are his parents going to say about me? the previous time we broke up his mom was so mad at me. everyone thinks we're gonna be the couple that "makes it" but to me it feels so superficial. he acts like everything is fine but it feels like he just doesnt care enough to check whether i really want this or not and if i try to back off a bit when it gets too much, he tells me how much he loves me and how he doesnt know how he would live his life without me. secondly, i do love him. i really do care about him and him being out of my life would make me sad but i really dont think i can stay anymore. is it worth it to leave? and thirdly, he has no idea that it has come to this point. i have tried to tell him that some of his behaviours really bother me but he just doesnt change, and i really dont want to keep telling him over and over again, it makes me feel like its not a big deal and im just finding flaws in everything he does. me leaving him now would crush him and i dont want to hurt him like that. but staying with him is getting suffocating these days, i really don't know what to do. hes pretty well liked by everyone. will it just blow up in my face? and even if i do want to leave what do i even tell him?

tldr - my relationship doesnt make me happy anymore, just feels stressful but leaving just feels like the end of the world