u/No-Translator-7213

I've been miserable for the past three hours so what have I got to lose

I got a 9/20 on my two most important exams and I am fucking pissed. I am confused and angry and sad and everything more. I thought I was done with them. I thought this summer would be easy-going and chill. Now I will spend the next two months pissed off to go through those 7 hours and two orals again, and if I fail them I will be kicked out of my studies. I don't want anything else I want THESE STUDIES. One of them, fine but BOTH? I am so angry, and especially about that oral exam. IT WENT PERFECTLY SO HOW-WHY THE FUCK DID I GET 9.5 ?!

Me and my fam are going shopping tomorrow, not in the mood anymore. I have a party tomorrow, too depressed to fake that i want to go anymore, I can't write or read or talk without feeling dead inside.

I feel like screaming and hating my teachers but I don't. I'm just terrified that I'm not good enough for my course but it's either this or death. I do not and will never love anything else. So I have to do more. Gain discipline. Did I study perfectly? No, but I did study. And it breaks my heart that it's not enough. And if I study 150% and give it my soul- and still fail- I'm so scared of what that says about me.

My friends will probably say 'Oh but 9 is alright' it's not. A nine means that I will have to go through it all again, my worst june case scenario happened. I seriously thought I would get ten. I told everyone 'i might get 9 but i really think i'll get 10 honestly' me saying i might 9 was just me being pessimistic. I'm sad and furious and fucking pissed off that i actually got 9, as if it would have killed them to give me 10. 9.5 even though the second part went perfectly, it's so fucking unfair. Where the hell did they find 10.5 points to take off? Why do university teachers take pride in their unfairness. I was there, I didn’t deserve to fail my oral exam. I did good. Taking off barely half a point was fucking mean and cruel and selfish. And I want to say that to my teacher when i see her but what would it change except maybe her getting a negative opinion on me.

I am genuinely so sad that I already cried twice. Those two classes were already classes that I was repeating, they are like mountains that for some reason I can't get through and it makes me want to cry

Lorelei's younger sister gets raped and killed because of a man and her first reaction, for someone who claims to LOVE her sister, is help a serial killer who... rapes and kills women? She meets RJ after her sister's murder and thinks nothing of it? She is a living joke. How tf does that make sense? I adore the mentalist but that was just lazy writing. And even when she knows the serial killer she helped raped and killed her sister, she still THINKS she'll be able to dilly dally to where he is and kill him without disclosing anything about his identity to Jane. I'm just disappointed and think the writers could've done better because Lorelei's character makes no sense to me. Also, Jane telling Lisbon he caught feelings for Red John's mistress ? Give me a break, I dont know why the writers wrote that in. The entire Lorelei Martins arch is my most hated mentalist arch overall, completely lazy writing. You SISTER gets raped and killed and your reaction is to become a killer and help a man rape and kill women just like your sister was???