u/No-Win1863

Hey guys. Sorry for the long post, its a lifetime of struggle and I really need some guidance, or clarity.

I’ve struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember, but the hardest thing to explain is that I just don’t feel like myself. Something feels wrong or disconnected, and I feel like there has to be a reason for it.

I’ve tried so much over the years, endless counselling (different types), EMDR twice, meditation, exercise. I am generally looking after myself well.

Every time I go to my doctor, the answer seems to be try more medication. I contacted them again recently and was told there isn’t much more they can do. I’m exhausted from feeling like this and don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling disconnected from myself. (Just to be clear, I’m not suicidal).

I felt like I’d exhausted my options, until I found a book about energy clearing and found someone locally who offered this kind of work. So far we’ve tried Reiki, a spirit/energy cleanse, childhood trauma work and parts/body focused work. During Reiki I had quite significant pain in my back and shoulder, and it was suggested this could potentially be negative energy reacting to it.

I feel very present throughout the hypnotherapy. I’m completely aware that I’m lying there and thinking about what she’s asking me. I explained this and she tells me to follow my gut and say whatever comes up. But, mostly, nothing feels particularly clear or instinctive.

Is that normal during hypnotherapy? Are you supposed to feel completely present and conscious? A few years ago I had hypnotherapy with someone else and remember feeling different, although that was more basic, I didn’t talk during it.

There’s another part I’m struggling to understand.

During previous EMDR, something completely unexpected relating to my childhood came up. It raised the possibility that something may have happened to me when I was young. I genuinely don’t know whether it did or didn’t as it wasn’t clear.

We explored it during hypnotherapy and the same incident came to mind again, but it still wasn’t clear. I don’t know what to make of it.

I’m just so ready to heal and I don’t know what else to do. I’ve meditated for years. I have recently been telling my body that I’m safe and ready to process whatever needs processing. I feel like I’m doing everything I can, yet I still don’t feel like me.

I recently went to a spiritual event where I was told I’m psychic and should develop/practise it. I wouldn’t even know where to begin or if I need to heal first. There’s so much information out there that I can’t tell what’s genuine.

Has anyone ever experienced the feeling of not feeling themselves/disconnection and eventually figured out what was going on? Can anyone advise me something else to try? I feel like I’ve been trying to solve this my whole life and feel like I'm going around in circles.

Lotus

I feel disconnected from myself and I don't know why

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