u/NoFreakingClues

Experienced DM who has decided that free time is for losers, looking for 2 more players to start a homebrew campaign featuring:

• A 300-year Wizard War whose dueling custom requires each spell to be more impractical than the last, which is why there's a street that's been on fire for two centuries and a town that is, frequently, geese.
• The world's only true oracle (one question, per person, per year, NO EXCEPTIONS- suggested donation 1 SP).
• Goblin bureaucracy that will make you repeat instructions back out loud. You will thank them later.
• A magic item shop where the proprietor demonstrates the cursed inventory on himself, an inn whose taxidermied minotaur has a story, and a sewer problem the town signage summarizes, in full, as "MIND THE HAMSTERS."
• Endangered wildlife, dwarven contracting disagreements, summoned minion labor relations, and more.

The pitch: this is an absurdist-comedy campaign (Terry Pratchett by way of D&D sketch comedy) with a sincere heart under it- the jokes are load-bearing, the world is consistent, and the long game is genuinely about what it takes to end a war that everyone profits from and no one remembers starting. Player choices stick. NPCs remember you. The tone swings from nonsense to quieter, heavier beats. Both are the point.

Table style: roleplay-forward with fewer but harder combats- when initiative gets rolled, it matters. Expect investigation, negotiation, moral choices with real consequences, and at least one prop I made with crayons. Rules are mostly 2014 5e +/- whatever 2025 5.5e rules players want to use- whatever is easiest/most logical/most fun. Rule-of-cool within reason.

Logistics:

• Where: in person, local game store, Flemington, NJ
• When: Thursdays, weekly, 6:30-9:30 PM EST. Times can be a little flexible based on group needs. No shame in needing to skip/cancel/reschedule sessions due to real life.
• Who: looking for 2 players to round out the table (party will be 4–5 total). New players welcome- the campaign teaches itself; enthusiasm beats system mastery here.

Looking for players who: show up reliably, enjoy playing with the table rather than at it, commit to a bit, and are as happy talking their way through their thought processes.

If interested, DM me with a bit about yourself and your experience level (zero is fine). Very LGBTQIA+ friendly. Bonus consideration if you have a strong opinion about bagpipes.