u/NoResearch1706

sorry just dumping this here because i need to get it off my chest. TW for SA/grooming/abuse/etc

it’s been almost a year now since the incident that really messed me up and was sort of a wake up call to what was happening to me. a lot of the time i’m just dissociated and numb to it but it always comes back to bite me. the fact that the abuser is my mother certainly hasn’t helped matters. my entire life and family are fucked up but i think i hate my parents the most for this. my mom’s been grooming me for years; groping me, actually touching me but it situations where it could be “written off” with shitty excuses, she’s pinned me down to my bed, strangled me, made me live with her rapist (her dad who i don’t consider my grandfather because i fucking HATE the man), told me about her traumas from a young age because ”god was telling her to”, and throughout my whole life just been really controlling and always made me uncomfortable. (i also have reason to believe that i may have been raped/sexually assaulted by someone else but it’s not clear as the memories are fuzzy but there is evidence for this) i didn’t realize what was happening to me until September 2024 when she directly touched me while fucking PRAYING and my dad was RIGHT FUCKING THERE. that was my wake up call. from then on i have hated her. i should’ve known better, especially considering ever since i hit puberty she’s been commenting on my body and comparing her own body to mine. she’s obsessed with my hips in particular and every time she “compliments” me something inside of me dies. you’re probably thinking, “you idiot! why didn’t you tell anyone?” well i did, i told my dad, who has always fought with her (oh and by the way my mom STALKED him and he married her out of PITY) and at first he pretended to believe me. pretended to comfort me. then he went behind my back and talked to her about the situation and she denied it he believed her and then he insisted that it “wasn’t what i thought it was” and other really bullshit excuses. he won’t divorce her, not for that, not for her drinking problems which he apparently “didn’t know about”, not for her being a CHEATER, not for anything. and why? because he feels bad for her and doesn’t want to pay her money the rest of his life. round of applause father of the year award. there’s so much more that’s gone down but ’ve already written so much but yeah i’m just a disgusting creep magnet and no one will ever believe me. they’re so good at manipulating me and i have severe dissociating issues so i‘m just a compliant stupid doormatvwho barely knows how to function in life. honestly what’s the point anymore, i can legally move out in 2 years but i’ll never be free, they’ll follow and stalk me wherever i go and i’ll just feel guilty for leaving them