non-conformity
I find solace in being weird and strange, it is something that lets me cope with the suffering of this world.
It's alienating, sure, but it's a way to justify myself not being in tune with the way the world lives. I think this is not the best coping mechanism, that's why I am asking my fellow Christians - what do you think?
By "being strange" I mean hating the way the world works, despising worldly success, social institutions, feeling the stupidity of it all and being generally nihilistic towards a lot of stuff in this world, except God.
I don't really have a desire to 'stick it to the man', I just hate the way things are, I hate that it makes me suffer so much and how little genuineness there is, how everything is so artificial.
That's why I subscribe to a lot of nihilistic thinking found in angsty music, for instance. I wish I would stop filling myself with hate, but I just don't see it happening.
I am a Christian and I don't wanna go hand in hand with worldly success, but I am conflicted because, at the end of the day, I am simply jealous.
That's the thing - I can't really distinguish my sinful disdain from righteous Christian disdain, that certainly has some place.
How do you cope with the things I've mentioned?
Please don't be too harsh on me, I am already quite miserable.