u/No_Cryptographer6849

Hi! I'm planning to transfer and shift (from tourism to nursing) sa NU MNL. Pwede po ba ako makapag apply for scholarship like white/blue scholarship? For freshmen lang po ba yung scholarship na yon? Bcs nagstop po kasi ako last SY and 1st sem lang natapos.

Problem/Goal:

I'm F20 and I need advice from people who grew up in similar family situations. I feel guilty, mentally and emotionally exhausted, and confused all the time. I want to build my own future (go back to school, save for a laptop, learn VA work, become more independent, and still help my family financially in the future), but I feel trapped in my current situation and I don't know if I'm selfish for wanting more than this.

Context:

I come from a financially struggling family with 5 siblings. My parents are hardworking and run a food business where they cook overnight (around 11pm–8am), so I know they aren't lazy at all. But because of our situation, me and my older sister (the one below our eldest) basically became part of the workforce and household support system.

Since I was younger, I’ve helped with cooking, selling, and household chores. Right now I usually cook from around 8pm–12am (sometimes until 1am), wake up around 5:30am to help cook again, leave around 7:30am to sell until around 1pm, and sometimes stay until 7pm before getting home around 8pm. Me and my sister also handle most household chores.

Because of this setup, I can't really look for a stable job outside because if I stop helping sell, the family earns less. The only work I can realistically do is something flexible from home.

I also had to stop college during my first year because of finances. I had a CHED scholarship worth around 30k per semester (my tuition was around 40k), but I only used it for one semester because my parents used it to help pay for my older sister’s tuition since she was closer to graduating, and the remaining money went to our family business. I had no choice in that decision and nobody said they would pay me back.

I barely have a social life because of our setup. I rarely get time to go out or do normal things people my age usually do. Sometimes I see people my age studying, building hobbies, spending time with friends, and moving forward in life, and I feel like I’m missing out and falling behind.

There were times my parents got upset and even told me to stop accepting crochet commissions because when I get bulk orders, I can’t help as much with the family business. What hurts is that eventually the money I earn still ends up helping the family anyway, so sometimes it feels like I’m not even allowed to build something for myself without guilt.

The money I have now mainly comes from crochet commissions. I started doing it because my parents couldn’t really provide much outside food and shelter. I’m grateful for that, but I also had needs and things I wanted to save for.

There were times money was taken or borrowed from me repeatedly. I used to lend money whenever needed, but eventually I noticed I wasn’t really given a choice to say NO or decide how much I was comfortable giving. Repayment would get delayed, and sometimes I’d be told I didn’t need the money yet because I was "just saving anyway."

I was trying to save for my future. I want to study Multimedia Arts, save for a laptop, and build a career eventually.

I know my parents are struggling too and I’m grateful for what they provide. I don’t want to abandon them and I still want to help financially in the future.

But I’ve been in survival mode for so long that I’m starting to wonder if I’m wrong for wanting more than this.

I feel mentally and emotionally drained and I honestly don’t know how long I’ll stay stuck in this cycle.

Previous Attempts:

Started crochet, clay, and editing commissions to earn my own money

Tried saving money separately through online banking

Tried balancing helping in the family business while building my own income

Tried adjusting my schedule around commission deadlines

Continued helping financially and with household responsibilities despite feeling exhausted

I still feel stuck and like I’m surviving instead of moving forward.

Has anyone grown up in a similar situation and eventually gotten out of it? How did you do it?