u/No_Internal_2655

https://www.reddit.com/r/RelationshipIndia/s/lY0X1EAgsm

We spoke properly about everything, and he actually understands why this has been affecting me. He understands that I had a really bad previous relationship and that, because of that, feeling secure and acknowledged in my relationship is especially important to me.

He also understands that my friends tend to show up for me and cheer me up whenever I'm upset, and he joked that he’ll try his best to make sure he actually acts like a boyfriend so I’ll have fewer reasons to cry to my friends.

He’s also moving closer to my studio, which should make things easier for both of us.

I’m not expecting him to change overnight, and I know saying he’ll try is different from actually doing it. But I appreciate that he listened, understood where I was coming from, and is willing to make an effort. So for now, I’m giving him the chance to show me through his actions.

Hopefully I’ll have fewer reasons to cry to my friends and more reasons to annoy them with how much I like my boyfriend.

I met this guy about 8 months ago, and we've been dating for 6 months. In the beginning, everything felt really nice. He made an effort to pursue me, gave me flowers because he knew I loved them, and generally made me feel wanted.

But over time, the effort has slowly disappeared.

He works in marketing, and I know this has been a particularly busy month for him, so I've tried to be understanding. But it feels like this has been happening for longer than just this month. He used to bring me flowers, and once he knew I really liked him, he just stopped. The last time, I literally had to cry and tell him how much it meant to me before he brought me flowers again. I don't want to have to ask someone to treat me like their girlfriend.

One thing that still bothers me is my birthday. He actually asked me to be his girlfriend on the night of my birthday. I had told him my birthday around three times before that, but he only realised it was my birthday that night.

I genuinely don't care about grand birthday gestures or expensive gifts. What hurt was that he had hyped up the whole thing beforehand, so I thought he had something special planned. Instead, he asked me at his place with no flowers, no little gesture, nothing—just a very plain, "Will you be my girlfriend?" I was honestly a little disappointed, especially because he had built up my expectations so much. I woudnt have cared otherwise.

For context, I came out of a very toxic and abusive relationship before meeting him, and because of that, feeling emotionally safe and loved is particularly important to me. I don't expect him to fix anything for me, but I do want to feel like my partner genuinely cares about me.

Recently, I felt extremely unloved and cried the entire night. I told him how I was feeling, and he called me to console me, which I appreciate. But one of my girls actually came over with chocolates because I was upset. And honestly, that contrast really got to me. My friends seem to instinctively do things to make me feel better, while with him I often feel like I have to explain what I need.

Our relationship also feels very low-effort lately. Most of the time, I go over to his place or we go out to eat and split the bill. I'm a pottery artist, and whenever I go to his place, I make sure I don't come empty-handed. He loves dragon fruit and mangoes, so I'll bring him some, or I'll bring one of my little pottery trinkets. I genuinely enjoy doing these things for someone I care about, but I don't feel like I'm receiving the same kind of thoughtfulness back.

Since my studio is pretty far from my place during weekdays if I have to see him I'll have to travel 2 hrs to my room and then go to his place which is another 1 hr of travel. So I'll spend 3 hrs and then wake up early to go back. But since I own my studio I dont have to go in early but we have students who sometimes comes in early and I'll have to show up at least at 10. I don't think he appreciates my efforts.

Even basic physical affection feels like something I have to ask for. He doesn't hold my hand when we're out unless I ask him to. I don't need him to constantly touch me or be overly affectionate in public, but when I'm dating someone, I naturally expect some physical closeness. Having to ask him to hold my hand makes me feel like he doesn't instinctively want to be close to me, and that honestly hurts. He's fine in private but I want to feel like a girlfriend too. Otherwise I'd just go hang out with my friends.

Another thing that really bothers me is that I don't feel acknowledged as his girlfriend. He hasn't told his friends that he's dating me, and I have told him multiple times that I at least want his friends to know that he's seeing someone. Ideally, I'd also like to meet them at some point.

We have no mutual friends, so his friends are basically the only people in his social circle who would even know about me. This is particularly important to me because of what happened in my previous relationship. I was unknowingly involved with someone who was seeing another girl, and some of his friends knew about her. Because of that experience, I think I'm understandably sensitive about being kept separate or hidden from someone's social life.

I've explained this to him, so it's not like he doesn't know why it matters to me. But whenever I bring up meeting his friends or him telling them about me, he becomes defensive saying if it ends they'll be disappointed or hes scared of nazar. That makes me even more uncomfortable because I'm not asking him to make some huge public announcement. I just want to feel like I'm a real part of his life. At least one close friend of him should know about me.

He's also made it clear that he's not looking to get married anytime soon. I'm not saying he needs to marry me after six months, but the combination of everything makes me wonder whether we're even looking at this relationship in the same way.

There's also a 5-year age gap, although I don't think that's necessarily the problem.

I've spoken to several of my guy and girl friends about this, and they've all told me to leave because they think he's putting in very little effort. Even when I'm crying to them about problems with him, they make me feel more cared for than he does.

At this point, I genuinely don't know if I'm asking for too much or if I'm just asking the wrong person.

I don't need expensive gifts, constant attention, or grand romantic gestures. I just want to feel pursued, considered, acknowledged and loved. I don't want to have to beg someone for flowers, ask them to hold my hand, or repeatedly explain that I want to feel like their girlfriend.

And the thing is, I'm actually okay with being single. I'm not staying because I'm afraid I'll never find anyone else. I genuinely like him, which is why I've stayed and tried to communicate what I need. But I'm starting to wonder if I'm trying to get a relationship out of someone who simply doesn't want the same kind of relationship I do.

Am I expecting too much, or does it sound like he's simply not putting enough into this relationship?

Hi hello

I met this guy about 8 months ago, and we've been dating for the entire 6 months. In the beginning, everything felt really nice. He made an effort to pursue me, gave me flowers because he knew I loved them, and generally made me feel wanted.

But over time, the effort has slowly disappeared.

He works in marketing, and I know this has been a particularly busy month for him, so I've tried to be understanding. But it feels like this has been happening for longer than just this month. He used to bring me flowers, and once he knew I really liked him, he just stopped. The last time, I literally had to cry and tell him how much it meant to me before he brought me flowers again. I don't want to have to ask someone to treat me like their girlfriend.

One thing that still bothers me is my birthday. He actually asked me to be his girlfriend on the night of my birthday. I had told him my birthday around three times before that, but he only realised it was my birthday that night.

I genuinely don't care about grand birthday gestures or expensive gifts. What hurt was that he had hyped up the whole thing beforehand, so I thought he had something special planned. Instead, he asked me at his place with no flowers, no little gesture, nothing—just a very plain, "Will you be my girlfriend?" I was honestly a little disappointed, especially because he had built up my expectations so much.

At the time, I didn't say anything because I didn't want to seem ungrateful or make a big deal out of it. But a few weeks later, I was thinking about it again and ended up crying because it genuinely made me feel unimportant. The worst part was that people around me were consoling me and saying things like, "Maybe he's preparing something for you," because they assumed there must be some reason he hadn't done anything. I didn't even have the heart to tell them that he had actually forgotten my birthday. I know it sounds silly, and I don't blame him entirely because it was still fairly early in our talking stage, but I think it was more about what it represented than the birthday itself.

For context, I came out of a very toxic and abusive relationship before meeting him, and because of that, feeling emotionally safe and loved is particularly important to me. I don't expect him to fix anything for me, but I do want to feel like my partner genuinely cares about me.

Recently, I felt extremely unloved and cried the entire night. I told him how I was feeling, and he called me to console me, which I appreciate. But one of my friends actually came over with chocolates because I was upset. And honestly, that contrast really got to me. My friends seem to instinctively do things to make me feel better, while with him I often feel like I have to explain what I need.

Our relationship also feels very low-effort lately. Most of the time, I go over to his place or we go out to eat and split the bill. I'm a pottery artist, and whenever I go to his place, I make sure I don't come empty-handed. He loves dragon fruit and mangoes, so I'll bring him some, or I'll bring one of my little pottery trinkets. I genuinely enjoy doing these things for someone I care about, but I don't feel like I'm receiving the same kind of thoughtfulness back.

Even basic physical affection feels like something I have to ask for. He doesn't hold my hand when we're out unless I ask him to. I don't need him to constantly touch me or be overly affectionate in public, but when I'm dating someone, I naturally expect some physical closeness. Having to ask him to hold my hand makes me feel like he doesn't instinctively want to be close to me, and that honestly hurts.

Another thing that really bothers me is that I don't feel acknowledged as his girlfriend. He hasn't told his friends that he's dating me, and I have told him multiple times that I at least want his friends to know that he's seeing someone. Ideally, I'd also like to meet them at some point.

We have no mutual friends, so his friends are basically the only people in his social circle who would even know about me. This is particularly important to me because of what happened in my previous relationship. I was unknowingly involved with someone who was seeing another girl, and some of his friends knew about her. Because of that experience, I think I'm understandably sensitive about being kept separate or hidden from someone's social life.

I've explained this to him, so it's not like he doesn't know why it matters to me. But whenever I bring up meeting his friends or him telling them about me, he becomes very defensive. That makes me even more uncomfortable because I'm not asking him to make some huge public announcement. I just want to feel like I'm a real part of his life.

He's also made it clear that he's not looking to get married anytime soon. I'm not saying he needs to marry me after six months, but the combination of everything makes me wonder whether we're even looking at this relationship in the same way.

There's also a 5-year age gap, although I don't think that's necessarily the problem.

I've spoken to several of my guy and girl friends about this, and they've all told me to leave because they think he's putting in very little effort. Even when I'm crying to them about problems with him, they make me feel more cared for than he does.

At this point, I genuinely don't know if I'm asking for too much or if I'm just asking the wrong person.

I don't need expensive gifts, constant attention, or grand romantic gestures. I just want to feel pursued, considered, acknowledged and loved. I don't want to have to beg someone for flowers, ask them to hold my hand, or repeatedly explain that I want to feel like their girlfriend.

And the thing is, I'm actually okay with being single. I'm not staying because I'm afraid I'll never find anyone else. I genuinely like him, which is why I've stayed and tried to communicate what I need. But I'm starting to wonder if I'm trying to get a relationship out of someone who simply doesn't want the same kind of relationship I do.

Am I expecting too much, or does it sound like he's simply not putting enough into this relationship?