u/No_King7170

I feel like I'm overcome with either grief or anger and there's no space for any other emotion.

I'm so angry at WP for what they've done but more so for how they've been since Dday, they've chosen to be with AP and have more or less avoided me since and there's no outlet for this anger I feel about the situation.

I know it makes no difference to my healing really but I want them to understand the absolute devastation they've caused and walked away from so casually. I'm not an angry person and I'm struggling a bit with feeling like this on top of everything else. I know it's a process but any suggestions on how I can manage this in a healthy way?

I feel like I'm overcome with either grief or anger and there's no space for any other emotion.

I'm so angry at WP for what they've done but more so for how they've been since Dday, they've chosen to be with AP and have more or less avoided me since and there's no outlet for this anger I feel about the situation.

I know it makes no difference to my healing really but I want them to understand the absolute devastation they've caused and walked away from so casually. I'm not an angry person and I'm struggling a bit with feeling like this on top of everything else. I know it's a process but any suggestions on how I can manage this in a healthy way?

If your WP initially chose AP after discovery instead of BP, what happened afterwards?

What made the fog lift or made them realise it was a mistake? Particularly if this choice was down to avoidance/overwhelming shame and guilt.

I'm not going to allow this to affect my healing going forward but I'm struggling to process it all when Dday was full of contradictions and WP saying he wished he hadn't met her but that it is easier to be with her because he doesn't have the guilt as she's known everything but that he still loves me and is still checking in/up on me.

Its been 7 weeks since d day and 5 weeks since WP came clean about it all and told me that whilst he still loves me he feels I won't forgive him and that I shouldn't want to forgive him so its "easier" to be with AP who has known the full situation all along.

I've not seen WP since and wrote a letter just mostly to get my thoughts out and process it all and sent this to him at his mums, who he has moved in with. I don't know if he's read it or just doesn't care now, I do know he is still lying about seeing AP, I'm not sure why he would do this given what he's said.

I'm just really struggling with it all today so I suppose I'm just looking for some support and advice on how to get through this time. I'm still living in our home which we'll need to sort at some point so he can't avoid me forever, I just am so confused about what I want. I seem to sway from wanting him to ask me to R and wanting to just move past this horrible sinking feeling that never goes

Why lie now?

So Dday was almost 6 weeks ago...WP was working away at the time out of the country and continued to lie and try to cover things up until he got home (3 weeks ago) and I told him I'd uncovered more and to just come clean...which he did to an extent, enough for me to know all my suspicions for the last 18 months had been correct. Told me he loves me but also loves AP and wanted to be with her as it's "easier" since she's known about me and whats been going on.

Anyway, since he's been staying at his mother's and we hadn't had contact since I wrote him a letter and sent it there, not really for anything more than to get all my thoughts out about all the things he admitted, which were very painful to listen to and so at the time I didn't process a lot of it until after the fact.

WP text last week to say he was working away again and knew I'd sent a letter and he would read it when he returned home and didn't want me to think he was ignoring me. I didn't respond and he sent another text this week again saying he was still working away and would read the letter when he was home.

However, he's unaware his mother still calls me regularly and so I know he is home from work. Curiosity got the better of me last night and I drove past APs house and sure enough his car was parked outside, I think I just needed to see for myself in person because he's lied and gaslit so much.

There was nothing in the letter that warranted a response, I didn't ask anything in it, it was just me getting my thoughts out on what had come to light so why continue to lie when we're no longer together and he's already said he wants to be with her? What's it achieving?

It's helped in a way because I was still hopeful he'd come to his senses and fight for us but now I see he's not even capable of being honest with himself and I do not want a life where I'm constantly on edge and wondering when or if it's happening again but I'm just wondering what purpose this serves? It doesn't make sense that it's to dangle a carrot because he's already said he wants to be with her?

I'm 3 weeks out from Dday, my WP denied, lied and gaslit more upon me finding out (he works out of the country and so only returned last week) and the first time we spoke face to face after it he admitted everything (well to a degree, enough I guess) told me he loves her and wants to be with her because its easier as she's known about me all along (18 months) and so he doesn't have to try to make things right with her.

Whilst a part of me thinks this is laughable and pathetic to settle for someone he has stated he wishes he never met to avoid taking accountability and facing what you've done. I'm also incredibly hurt that he didn't even attempt to R with me despite telling me that still loves me. I don't know what I would have decided to do but it just feels like an even bigger rejection that he didn't care enough to try.

Hi all, I've never really used Reddit much before and stumbled across this sub while I guess trying to look for answers after finding out my partner of 5.5 years cheated.

Since the beginning of 2025 there were signs pointing to him hiding something from me and I caught him lying to me directly about things (taking his phone to the bathroom, hiding the screen when I walked into the room etc) which started directly after a night out with his friends. Of course he has denied anything and pulled further and further away from me, his attentiveness, affection and intimacy all began to fade and of course because of this we stopped getting along as well as I tried to understand why this was happening and he made empty promises of trying to do better. We split around a 6 weeks ago with him telling me he still loves me and cares about me but needed space, after a week he returned asking for another chance which lasted a couple of weeks before he admitted he knew he wasn't really trying and I deserved better etc he is still telling me how much he loves and misses me but just wants "to be alone".

Cut to last week I find he has been messaging another woman and hiding this for 3 years, he claims this was occasional chatting and nothing physical happened but has since slept with her. I don't think at the moment I will get the truth from him and we are not in contact, I believe at least this has been an EA for around the 18 months since he went out with friends (this is how they initially met) and probably has been PA also at some point before we ended things (there are a lot of things which lead me to believe this is true).

I think at present I'm just struggling with it all, when confronted he tried to lie again and became defensive and took no accountability and so I've not made contact since but we have a home together and at some point we will have to discuss what to do practically with things in relation to that.

At the moment I would want to think we can reconcile but I don't know if thats just the shock/a trauma bond but he seems to be clear on the fact he doesn't see a future (he also leans heavily to a FA attachment style and so tends to run and hide until he thinks his problems have gone away).

How do I get past the betrayal for myself? How do I reconcile the man I fell in love with to the one I'm faced with now? And is it likely he'll even come back looking for reconciliation? He states he is not seeing her and they are not in a relationship and that he slept with her one time because he was trying to move on after the split (this would make sense given his attachment style but doesn't justify the EA prior to that) and that he still loves me but I'm left feeling so broken and still loving and missing him.