u/No_Veterinarian_2486

Hi Everyone! I just received the Qidi Max4 and am in process of setting it up. I have the manual, the guides, the wiki etc. but i keep running into endless load circles for the QR codes and generating a code for account creation.

I saw Qidi servers were recently attacked and they've been working to restore them, but my question is if there is a way to still set up and use the device without binding it to an account or am I screwed until they resolve the issue?

It’s a really really difficult question I feel like I know the answer to but also don’t.

Same old story as everyone else. Burnt out partner of someone who struggles to want to be alive regularly, questions my love for her multiple times a day, needs reassurance to take care of herself or our shared space, needs body doubling to execute on any responsibility, radically clings to stress and brings situations into our life that perpetuate an endless stream of crisis so we never escape survival mode.

I love being alive. More than an hour away from my partner and I feel my joy start to percolate in the back of my soul. It’s heart breaking.

Context: we’ve buried 8 people in 4 years, mother, brother, cousin, 2 aunts, best friends….schizophrenia got one, cancer got 5, freak accident got the others. We’ve moved every 8-14 months for the last 7 years surviving crisis after crisis. I think we’ve finally washed ashore and can stand up again.

But……emptiness. Exhaustion. Contempt. Resentment. Burnout.

I think I’m becoming depressed too. I thought it was circumstantial to her loss but the patterns are there. the same reactions, same self destruction, same chaos, same choices to run instead of face the music. It’s my fault for chasing and/or supporting the exodus. I miss community, friends, family.

it’s all getting better now but it feels too late and I feel like I’m the problem now. My patience, once an ocean, has evaporated. My capacity a voracious stomach now starving and shriveled.

I'm an asshole, I’m mean, I’m short, I’m invalidating, I’m controlling, I’m authoritative, I’m resentful and hold so much contempt.

im making the problem worse. Im not the man I love anymore and Im Starting not care.

it’s at a point where I don’t think I can overcome the damage that’s been done, the trauma inflicted on my by a drowning person in crisis looking for any way to breath. I flinch at her touch. i cringe at closeness.

I miss myself. I miss being a loving husband. I miss being excited to come home. I miss wanting to share all my time with my wife.

Is it even possible to have it again? Can I get back what was lost? Can I be the husband I want to be?

Can a tropical plant grow in the tundra?

or am I the fool for trying?