u/Nonbinary-Bones

This is my first time flying since 2019. I don't get to go often because of finances, but my family pitched together to get me to my brother's graduation in Michigan. My question is, in the last 7 ish years, I have had a CPAP machine now. The carry on I have doesn't fit that and my necessary medication (I have multiple chronic illnesses) and I don't know if they're going to count the bag to hold the device as it's own checked bag. The bag is about 18in by 12, but it's too big to fit in their measurements for a carry-on and backpack. Does anyone know if it will be okay, or will I have to check a bag?

(Please know I have barely enough funds to make this trip thanks to family pitching in, so I don't have an expendable wallet.)

This question may sound weird, but let me explain.

My name is Micheal, I'm the current host of the Grimm System, and I've been stuck in the front for two months.

From May 2025 to April 2026, we were in an eating disorder residential for our complex eating disorder and to treat and to get help for one of my alter's, who's active engagement in her ED was hurting our whole system.

It should be noted that Community Connections (in Phoenix Az) is the only ED residential in Arizona that takes state insurance. This is our second time being there, and we were horribly abused each time. They were extremely tranphobic and abelist and refused to listen or even try and accommodate our system needs.

The first time we were there, we actively got physically and mentally hurt, abused, and bullied by staff and only found a few members who kept us sane for the 11 months we were there. I ended up splitting multiple times because of the staff and especially the house manager's (Danny Q) abuse. But three years later, one of my alters, Amaya, had completely collapsed into her bulimia. So we were faced to either die from our ED or go back.

So we went back. Now the management was different, same house and owner but different house manager. When we got there, the house manager seemed to be nicer and maybe even willing to work with us. THIS WAS A LIE. She was a cruel, manipulative, most likely narcissitic person and gaslit us constantly. The owner and house manager would not let us be ourselves or open about our DID, and we were forced to hide our it and as well as dismissing and hiding our autism and neurodiversity.

You may ask why we stayed if this was happening. We only stayed because the dietician was someone who actually helped us, and we told ourselves we just had to tough it out. For 11 and half months, we bore the weight of constantly being invalidated, yelled at, manipulated, gaslit, and told we didn't exist. It was hell....

My system tired their best to just keep going. We were open about our system despite the discrimination and at first refused to just stifle ourselves. We told the therapist we already had a diagnosis (because we do) , we didn't need her to prove we had it, and we needed her to empathize that it existed. Heather, the therapist was a liar and forced us to shut down and wouldnt try and work with our system even though we told her we just needed her to treat us like Amaya was the main person struggling (because Liz told us we could only treat one person). But we had to completely hide and shut down ourselves because of survival. We barely got better after almost a year, and the only reason we're not there still is because the insurance cut us. We did not get better.

But four months before our insurance cut, my system couldn't handle it anymore. It was too unsafe, and we were scared, and to save ourselfves from abuse, they completely shut down into dormancy. I am rather prone to dormancy as it has happened periodically in my life, when it was too unsafe to be ourselves (I have a intense trauma pattern of having to keep our system hidden and shut down our entire selves). When it happened, I told them if they had to, then I would protect them, but....it was sad and horrible to be alone

We'll it's almost June, and I have been out since April 1st, and I have been struggling to adjust to home life. My partner system is 100% supportive, and let us be accepted and loving... but they (my systyem) haven't come back. For the first month of us being out, we woke up in a panic every day like we were still at Community Connections. I couldn't laugh or relax because it felt like we had to be small....hide ourselves (like when I was a kid in my abusive home). I have been trying hard to let myself relax, and just to tell myself we/I are/am safe, we aren't there anymore. But we don't feel safe even in our safe space.

I know my system is still there because I get emotional pangs of my system mates (I have 13) occasionally, but nothing more than that. I miss them so much that I’ve I been so exhausted being out so long. I wondered if anyone had any tricks or things that have helped you get in touch with your system during periods of dormancy or even just to strengthen connection.

I have been trying to regain a sense of safety, but it's been hard to be in my own apartment because of spending a year in such a damaging and abusive environment. I'm trying, and I miss them. So, if anyone has tips or advice to get reconnected or even to build safety, please let me know. I want to reconnect so badly. If anyone has anything, please let me....us know.

Thank you for your consideration.