I feel like I'm at fault too and pushed him to this point but I am really scared.
I've been with this guy only 2 months and he was moving it along very fast. We had been connected by a mutual friend, but hadn't met in person yet for the first two weeks. Before I went to visit him he was saying I'm his soulmate and he can't stop thinking about me and looks at my photos all day long. I told him let's slow down a bit and get to know each other more. When I arrived to visit him (he lives in my home city, I am away from there for a couple months but moving back) I felt overwhelmed and had told him if we can slow down a bit. I felt a lot of pressure sexually and emotionally and he was getting upset with me. I went to stay with my best friend for a few days who lived a few blocks from ironically, and he took it in the wrong way. I felt super bad about this because maybe I hurt his feelings, but I just felt like staying with him right away was not going to make me feel comfortable and it would be better to spend time in a more healthy way and slower pace. He exploded on me one day because I was upset that he went to a party and came home the next day at 3pm high on drugs and didn't communicate that with me, and started to scream at me in the car that I am a horrible human and a piece of sh*t for this, he was trying so hard to do nice things for me (dinners, a vacation within the first two weeks of me being there, etc) and I was ungrateful. I felt so awful to make him feel like that, and he is allowed to go out without me but honestly this scared me so bad.
I did forgive him after that because I felt so guilty. But since then he has been very controlling, he wants me to move in ASAP, he is monitoring who I follow, getting upset if my phone is on silent when I sleep, demanding I answer his calls even when I am busy or trying to sleep or working, getting upset if a man sits next to me on a flight (I travel for work), blocking me or disappearing when he's mad and telling me insults such as to stfu, I'm a f**king bitch, I'm a loser, my family never loved me, I have low IQ, I'm below his type of woman, I am a narcissist, I am a low quality woman, I'm a piece of sh*t (I've heard this about 48 times now), theres are just some that I can remember. He's told me that I probably f**ked some guy and to take condoms with me when I go somewhere because I will need them. He's told me I am the type of woman to make someone murder. That I make him want to hurt himself or someone else. He threatens me all the time "watch what I will do to you, watch what I'm about to do now, you will regret not listening to me), That I am sick, I need mental help, I should be in a hospital because my mind isn't right, that I don't do anything for him and I'm cheap. He has kicked me out of his house a few times or break up with me and say he didn't mean it, and will scream at me and throw his phone, he's thrown a box in my direction. He always will say he didn't mean it when he says we are done or to get tf away from him. He has told me I expect too much from him when I continue to beg him to just be nice to me, stop calling me names and please apologize for hurting me and to please care about my feelings to. He says that I am cheap because he has paid for my two flights to come visit him (he set this expectation that when i come visit he will handle the flights and that when I move back he will pay my moving expenses i.e. shipping my car). Our last big fight happened after he kicked me out the day before while blaming me for losing money while he was trading. He always blames me for losing trades because I put him in an unclear mental state and he can't focus and I am his source of stress. When he lsoes he will throw his phone and hit things or the wall. The next day in his house I caught him texting another woman and I asked who is she, he exploded once again saying I am invading his privacy because I saw the notification. He was screaming at me that I am a f**king bitch, and I ran out of the room upset. I came back in the room asking what is going on and he said he would show me the messages from her if I suck his d**k, and that I never do it for him and he is always asking me. I am obviously hysterically crying because this is a really disgusting feeling for me in that moment. He shows me the messages from her, but the rest of the chat is deleted and I can see that she is responding to him and those texts are completely gone. Then he demands I suck his d**k and he has it out, touching himself. I said no this is humiliating. He says that I never do it for him, I don't make him feel good everand grabs his phone saying he is "working" while I'm sobbing. Then I start to text my friend that I feel unsafe, and he tries to snatch my phone from me asking who am I texting. I said her name, and he grabbed my wrist and I freaked out and ran into another room. He yelled at me that I'm a f**king whore. I went downstairs to start packing my luggage again because I wanted to leave. He came down 5 minutes later and calmly asked if I wanted coffee. Idk why but this made me feel really freaked out that he came down all calm as if nothing just happened and I still was crying hard. He started screaming at me again that I need mental help, threw his phone, and I honestly started voice recording him because I was really scared and said if you throw something again I will call the police you are scaring me. I wasn't going to but it seemed to be the only thing to make him stop. He told me to get TF out of his house and called our mutual friend, spoke to her calm saying that "you don't know what I am dealing with here". I grabbed my stuff and left and blocked him eveerywhere. He went out to a party that night, added a ton of girls he was with and then started calling me from a burner number the next day and asking our friends to have me unblock him to talk to him. I did the day after and he still is saying I made him do those things, I trigger his trauma and am I too much. He says sorry but then keeps blaming me so I feel confused. He eventually started yelling on the phone calling me a bitch again and I blocked him entirely. He's trying to turn our mutual friend against me as well. I have never been in a situation like this but I feel like I'm the problem somehow too. Like maybe he doesn't feel appreciated but it is hard when someone is screaming at you and calling you names literally everyday.