u/NotBossOfMe

I've done a lot of work on myself to detach from my daughter's BPD, but there are times when I just cannot take it. I got a text at 5:45 am asking me to call when I was awake. I texted at about 8 am and she texted back that it had to do with my son and my husband. I told her it's not my problem -- to work it out with them. Apparently something happened with my son (an autistic adult who lives with us) on social media and I told her that I don't want to be involved in the drama. She then gave me an earful about how our family humiliates her and that I'm the only one she'll talk to. She then said "These are the men you surround yourself with."

That's the line that got me. She knows the buttons (she installed them) and she knows how to push them. She knows her brother is autistic and that I am stuck in this living situation because I have a special needs son that I cannot care for alone and that my husband cannot care for alone. He is a handful, but not a destructive handful. Just a logistical handful.

She knows this. She knows the sacrifices I've made for my own happiness to provide him with a home, and yet she pulls this. Add to that the fact that she's been trying to break up my marriage since she was in high school because she does not get along with her Dad. And this is the latest salvo in that war. How my husband figures into this, I don't know, other than they had a fight about the fact that she didn't send him a father's day gift (don't ask -- he's got his issues, too and I didn't involve myself in that one either).

I'm just trying to live my friggin' life as best I can with the cards I've been dealt, and not grow bitter or become the consummate victim. Life is too short to waste it on someone else's issues.

I blocked her on my phone and in email I have her messages being deleted instantly. I am looking for an Al Anon meeting nearby and there isn't one until this evening, so I'll wait. But I needed to get this off my chest here in the meantime.

My daughter has been in various and sundry rehabs for over 18 months. She has a BPD diagnosis and also has issues with cannabis and alcohol. The rehab system essentially allows her a free ride in life while she builds up medical debt. For the life of me, with all the thousands in copays she owes, I don't get why they still admit her. She flakes out, leaves and finds another rehab, and starts up all over again.

At any rate, I had a conversation with her yesterday that basically ended with my, once again, re-learning the lesson that this will never change. She is invested in not changing. She is invested in continuing as she has been, living an imaginary life from her bed, looking at her phone, engaging on social media, and avoiding the responsibilities that come with adulthood.

I am heartsick about this, and at the same time, just exhausted. I need joy in my life. This is nothing but pain, and I'm so tired of it.

I eagerly await my pre-order! I do have one question: I had thought they'd have a double-din install ability (pending Crutchfield making a kit), but that does not appear to be true. I am concerned that having to have an iPad (a phone is simply too small a screen while driving). If I have an iPad, I have to then worry about that getting stolen OR I have to carry it with me. Yes, I can hide it under the seat, but I would not feel comfortable that it would not be taken anyway.

Anyone else thinking about this? What are your solutions?

So I'm probably late to understanding this, but one of the reasons for the trash bin replacement is because the new bins have RFID chips for tracking. If you already knew that, you're smarter than me. At any rate, I have read around about the reason for it, and all I can find is

1. If someone says their trash wasn't picked up, the chip will tell them if it's true
2. If the truck has hazardous material in it, they will know which homes the hazardous material came from

The first one, I guess, makes some sense but it's quite a technology and materials cost (not to mention the carbon footprint of all those new cans) just to stop a few extra, fraudulent pickups for people who are trying to "double-dip" on their pickups. Is this a widespread problem that will be solved by this technology. Sounds kinda weird, no?

The second one sounds really sketchy. How many cans does a single truck run take? $50 100? How are they going to narrow it down to any one can on that run. Are they sending a forensics team to swab all the bins? Enforcement of this is a whole other cost, no?

I am not implying a surveillance conspiracy -- that would require qualified data scientists working for the waste management authority. I am, however, curious about who made money off this entire endeavor, in and out of government. It all seems so over the top. What am I missing?

My daughter, 22 years old, has been in "rehab" for the last 18 months. There has been no progress. She is using the rehab system for a bed. She keeps making grand plans and then crapping out on it. She is serially having conflicts with other people. Then she leaves for another rehab when she can't get along with anyone. And she's still using.

She texted me a couple of days ago asking "Do you think I need rehabilitation?" and I thought I'd fall off my chair. She subsequently called. I told her that I never thought she needed long-term rehabilitation because I don't think it works. I thought she needed, at one point, acute residential psychiatric care for psychotic episodes brought on by chronic cannabis abuse. But I never thought she needed rehab for 18 months. Maybe 90 days of detox and therapy, followed by outpatient therapy and meetings.

But she's using the system to avoid employment, school, responsibility, you name it. She is not honestly engaging in moving ahead. Although I no longer give her money, I find my conversations with her to be extremely painful. I wish I were strong enough to continue to watch this train wreck over and over, but I'm not. I don't know if I should have been a mother at all since I don't seem to be able to ever find the magic words to make her change. I find being a mother to be nothing but nonstop pain. It's been this way all her life -- impulsive, defiant, dishonest, scamming, stealing. Even as a small child.

My heart breaks every time I think of her. I wish I never had to think of her again. That's how bad this feels.