u/Not_Reptoid

lately I've been just rather frustrated with life. I have no big reason to be mad but I seem to snapp at people all the time. At first I would flip out at assholes and idiots for being what they are, get all loud and show people my varied vocabulary. Then I get calmer for periods and think I'm back to normal but lately I've started to yell at kind people for just being annoying which I previously have not done all that much. I have not been this angry beofre this year. I wouldn't say i hate myself but my actions are leading me places and time and time again does it seem self-loathing is what I am fucking destined to do or smt.

Today I accidentally got eyecontact with some stranger girl while walking to my school and I could hear her without any conscience talk and laugh loudly to her friends about some weird depressed looking guy starring at her. I wanted to beat the living shit out of her and yell about minding her own damn business. Every day I fantacise about how I would realistically beat someone I hate up without consequences only there are always consequences. Even if I get away with something like that I don't want to be a guy who beats people up. None I hate deserve to get fucked over anyways. They are all within their rights to find me weird after all.

I am just filling myself up with more and more frustration every day and it's going nowhere. Man is it lazy to blame your parents and I'm probably wrong but I was the fourth child out of six and my childhood was 90% filled with sitting alone in front of either a computer or a tv. My parents never gave me constructive advice, just a stupid religion to be biased to for a few years. I had them and then I had weak ties to friends from school that always came and went. None stay. None know me. When I become an adult I want to leave my ugly country and fuck off in the middle of some nature I find cool. It scares me though because all statistics online point towards isolation being unhealthy for us social creatures.

Right now I am just mad and dissapointed. Angry music feels cringe to listen to and I don't want to break anything I own. What are yalls advice.

I don't know what next deck to build on. I feel like there are a lot that look mundane or random but have very nice mechanics once you see the cards that pair with them.