Life is weird and sometimes, I just don’t know.
Growing up childhood was a mess maybe I was too sensitive or maybe it was justified, I can’t tell. I felt everything that was said to me, everytime I was called a burden, or worse. I think I’ve made progress? I don’t find myself crying all the time, I shiver less, I manage myself better (questionable), I was really suicidal around 2 year ago I couldn’t think of anything but dying, these days I feel it again at micro levels perhaps won’t get there. I feel numb, I can’t rant to people, I keep suppressing my emotions as much as I can, maybe I’m convicted that’s the only thing that works or it’s an illusion I’ve. I’m an adult now, but I haven’t accepted adulthood. I don’t know what exactly am I even trying to say. I feel lonely a lot these days. It’s not that I’ve no one to talk to but I feel I can’t connect to anyone properly or if I’m I withdraw myself, it’s almost like being scared. I keep getting attached to unhealthy relations. I hate going to college, I hate interacting with people. I’m an introvert but I do like talking with people. I don’t understand my own pace and behaviour lately. It’s always trying to entertain some sort of a void inside me that I’ve been dealing with since forever. That’s all thank you for reading all that and have a great day! (Well night it’s like 3am) :D