u/Odd-University8728

Honestly... I feel exhausted 🫩. Enna panradhu nu theriyala.

Naanum (25F) en boyfriend (28M) um around 10 months relationship la irukom. Naanga immediate ah marriage panna porom nu illa. We already decided to take things slowly. Avanuku nalla job iruku, responsible ah irukan, and he treats me really well. I genuinely care about him.

Problem started when veetla arranged marriage pressure start aachu and I finally told my mom about my relationship.

My parents are completely against it because of caste/status differences and “relatives enna solluvaanga” mentality.

My mom continuous ah emotional pressure kuduthute irundhanga. She kept saying things like:

“naa velila epidi thala kaatuven unnaiya kevalama paapanga ellaarum?”

“avan dhaan Venum naah veeta vittu veliya po.”

“appa kku therinjaa heart attack vandhurum”

One point la she even threatened to harm herself if I chose him. Adhu dhan enaku mentally romba hard ah irundhudhu.

Still naan calm ah handle panna try pannen. Judge pandradhukku munadi atleast oru thadava avan kitta pesunga nu keten. Adhisayam aah almost one month ku apram she finally spoke to him on phone and told me she was okay with it and she would slowly help convince my dad.

In fact, my mom herself asked him to tell his family about me because she wanted to know whether they were serious and whether his family would accept me.

Avanum avanoda mom kitta sonnan and his mom also accepted me. They said ippo currently his elder brother marriage dhan focus pannitu irukaanga and probably after 5–6 months, after his brother’s wedding, they’ll think about ours.

Honestly adhu ketadhuku apram dhan konjam relief ah feel pannen.

But once my dad found out, everything completely changed.

Ippo rendu perum naan family ah destroy pannita madhiri behave panraanga. My mom suddenly acts like she never agreed to anything. They told me things like “accident laa poi sethuru” "nee venaam engalukku ipidi oru ponnu venaam" "nalla nerathula dhaane porandha..en ipidi irukka" “veeta vittu velila po” “leave your job,” and “if you want him so badly just go marry him.”

They keep emotionally cornering me and asking me to choose between them and him.

When they pressured me directly asking whether I still wanted him, naan honest ah yes sonnen. Adhuku apram situation innum worse aaiduchu.

Now they’re threatening to call him and force a breakup too. Daily shouting, cuss words, emotional blackmail, guilt-tripping… veetla atmosphere romba toxic ah poiduchu.

Worst part enna na…

Naan oru edathulayum immediate ah marriage venum nu sollave illa.

I just said I don’t want to be forced into an arranged marriage alliance when I already love someone else.

Ippo naan romba stuck ah feel panren between: parents ah hurt panna koodadhu genuinely care panra person ah lose panna koodadhu pressure la life changing decision edukka koodadhu

Has anyone here gone through something similar?

Especially family pressure, caste issues, emotional blackmail, parents threatening abandonment and all?

Epidi frendsss handle panneengaa 😭

Time pona apram things calm aacha?

Honestly I feel completely lost right now.

Note: Enga amma astrology laam paathutu vandhaanga love set aagum aah nu .. Avan sollirukaan .. indha ponnu Avan pinnadi poirukaadhuu .. Avan dhaan rendu moonu dhadava try pannirupaan nuu ... Brooooo .. naan dhaan bro en aalu pinnadi suthii naan dhaan avanuku propose pannen eeh 😭🚶 emaathraan Ivan .. idha veetla solla kooda mudilaaa ...

TL;DR: Naan 10 months ah serious relationship la iruken. My parents caste/status and “relatives enna solluvaanga” nu against ah irukaanga. Initially my mom romba emotional pressure kuduthanga, but apram en boyfriend kitta pesi, avan family um accept pannanga nu therinjadhuku apram she said she would help convince my dad. But once my dad found out, everything changed. Ippo veeta vittu po, breakup pannu nu emotional blackmail, threats, shouting ellam nadakudhu. Naan arranged marriage force panna vendam nu sonnadhu ku family ah destroy pannita madhiri treat panraanga. Feeling lost.

I’m honestly exhausted and don’t know what to do anymore.

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 10 months. We’re not rushing into marriage or anything. We already decided we would take things slowly. He has a good job, is responsible, and treats me really well. I genuinely care about him.

The problem started when they forced me for arrange and I told my mom about my relationship.

My parents are very against it because of caste/status differences and “what relatives will think.” My mom kept emotionally pressuring me for weeks saying things like:

“How will I show my face outside?”

“If you want him, leave this house.”

“If your dad finds out, he’ll get a heart attack.”

At one point she even threatened to harm herself if I chose him.

Still, I stayed calm and tried to handle things respectfully. I even asked her to talk to him once instead of judging immediately. Surprisingly, after almost a month, she finally spoke to him on the phone and told me she was okay with it and that she would help convince my dad slowly.

My mom herself asked him to tell his family about me because she wanted to know whether they were serious and whether his family would accept me.

He spoke to his mom, and she accepted me. They even said they are currently focusing on his elder brother’s marriage first and would think about ours only later, probably after 5–6 months once that wedding is completed.

I felt relieved for the first time in weeks.

But after my dad found out, everything completely changed.

Now both of them are acting like I destroyed the family. My mom suddenly behaves like she never agreed to anything. They told me to “go die,” “get out of the house,” leave my job, and marry him if I want him so badly. They keep emotionally cornering me and forcing me to answer whether I choose him or them.

When they pressured me directly asking if I still wanted him, I said yes honestly. After that, things got even worse.

Now they’re threatening to call him themselves and force a breakup. There’s constant shouting, cursing, emotional blackmail, and guilt-tripping at home every day.

The worst part is:

I never even said I wanted to get married immediately.

I just said I didn’t want to be forced into an arranged marriage alliance when I already love someone else.

I feel completely stuck between not wanting to hurt my parents, not wanting to lose someone I genuinely care about and not wanting to make a rushed decision because of pressure from either side.

Has anyone here gone through something similar with family pressure, caste issues, emotional blackmail, or parents threatening abandonment?

How did you handle it emotionally and practically?

Did things calm down with time?

I genuinely feel lost right now.