u/Odd-Winter1555

Me and my brother, we both went out of Jammu for our studies. After graduating, he stayed in a metro city for work, and I came back home.

I had a conversation with my mom recently that I can’t really get out of my head.

It started like this —

I told her, “Bhai bhi toh bahar hi hai, main bhi rahungi, kamaungi toh main bhi.”

To which she immediately replied, “Woh toh ghar chalayega, ghar pe paise bhejega.”

I said, “Main bhi bhejungi na.”

And then she said something that just stayed with me.

“Kab? 1–1.5 saal mein toh shaadi ho jayegi. Kab bhejogi?”

And then she added, “Shaadi ke baad bhi toh aayegi, toh paise hume hi dene padenge.”

In that moment, it honestly felt like I was being seen as a burden… like no matter what I do, I’ll eventually be someone who “leaves” and “costs” rather than someone who contributes.

I didn’t even know how to respond.

Because my brother can stay in a metro city, build his career, earn, and send money home — and that is seen as normal, expected, even proud.

But when I say I want to do the same, the timeline itself gets cut short by marriage.

And that’s what hurt the most.

Not just the words… but the assumption behind them.

That my career has an expiry date.

That I can work, but only “for a few years.”

That eventually, my life decisions will shift away from work anyway.

And I kept thinking — what are girls from smaller cities actually supposed to do?

Because here, the options feel so limited.

You study. You get a degree. You want to work.

But there aren’t enough private-sector opportunities.

So you prepare for government exams because that feels like the only stable path available locally.

And if that doesn’t work out?

Then somewhere in the background, marriage starts becoming the next “plan.”

And maybe that’s what bothers me the most.

That a girl’s ambition can quietly get reduced to a temporary phase.

“She’ll work for a few years.”
“Anyway she’ll get married.”
“Why invest so much in her staying outside?”
“What will she do after marriage?”

And I don’t think my parents say this because they don’t love me. I know they’ve sacrificed a lot for my education. I know they care.

But I also think they’re making decisions based on the reality they see around them — where opportunities are limited, and marriage feels like the “natural next step.”

And that’s where the problem is.

Because there are so many educated girls in smaller towns who are capable of so much more, but their choices get shaped by geography, lack of jobs, family expectations, and eventually marriage timelines.

If I were in a metro city with more companies, I could apply, try, fail, switch, grow.

Here, that space just doesn’t exist in the same way.

And that’s a privilege we don’t talk about enough — the privilege of being surrounded by opportunities.

I’m not saying every girl should move out or that government jobs are bad. I’m just questioning why a girl’s ambition should depend so heavily on where she is born.

And what happens to the girls who genuinely want careers but don’t have the option to leave?

I’d really like to hear from people who have gone through something similar.

Especially girls from smaller cities/rural areas — how did you manage career expectations, family pressure, and marriage timelines?

And for parents or others from similar backgrounds — how do you see this?

Looking for a Serious Banking Exam Study Partner/Friend

I recently realised how limited the choices can be for a girl from a smaller city