u/Odd_Computer_8326

Me (39F) and WH (53M) have been trying to reconcile after I learned about his PA/EA 18 months ago. We have been married for 8 years, no kids, though we do have frozen embryos from IVF.

Please no judgements here, but the affair is ongoing. BS says he loves us both and won’t abandon either of us. I have been trying to keep my calm and maintain normalcy in hope that she’ll leave or the fog will lift. I will admit it has been inconsistent. There have been days where I told him I want a divorce, days where I cant stand him. We do sleep in separate beds as of October (my demand). But I do love him and I do believe we are in a process of reconciling, even if the circumstances aren’t ideal for now.

Recently I have started receiving emails from AP, pasted below. Please see below emails for context.

Email 1: April 13

Hello [BS],

I think you misunderstood [WH’s] inquiry about the hotel. He was asking you to forward him the reservation so we could see if it’s one bed or two. I am assuming it is one bed, despite there being 2 beds available in the same hotel. [WH] claims you are informally separated and not romantic, which is bullshit if you’re sharing a one bed when given the option of two. Kindly forward the confirmation email to [WH]. Thank you!

Email 2: April 13

[WH] also claims that he is not sexually attracted to you and that neither of you have any interest in reconciling. Just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page about that while we’re at it.

Email 3: April 14

Also thought you should know that [WH] introduced me to his mom as his girlfriend. She gave me a big hug. I’ve also spoken with her on the phone many times prior to that. She doesn’t like you because you’re rich and entitled. She likes me though! Ask [WH], he’ll confirm!

Silence for about a month… then just now, email 4:

Hello [BS],

Also adding that your husband has not enjoyed sex with you for a long time. He had to get cialis because he couldn’t keep it up. I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see the Cialis prescription myself .

He told me last week that you’re 170 pounds and overweight and need to lose some weight. He told me that the only thing that’s beautiful about you is your hair. He told me yesterday that he doesn’t think you’ll find anyone else if you leave him, especially if you have children, because no one wants to date a single mom. I pointed out that my mom got remarried twice after having children and his literal response was “well that’s different, your mom’s a smoke show”. 

Have a great weekend!

Now for the added context:

The first emails were sent immediately before WH and I were traveling for a wedding. We DID have a one bed hotel room. I ended up telling him to get his own room.

This email today came right before we are supposed to go to another wedding. I still plan on going.

Interestingly, WH is CC’ed in every one of these emails. He does not check his emails. I have never spoken with him about the substance of the emails, I simply asked him after the first set of emails to tell her not to email me anymore. I don’t know if he’s read any of them it not.

I now feel this has reached the point where I need to talk to him. I am afraid and not sure how to approach it. The details in the last email are too specific for me to not believe it.

Has anyone dealt with anything similar? Do you think she’s telling the truth? How do I approach this?

TLDR: Receiving hurtful emails from AP with WH CC’ed, unsure of how to proceed