r/AdulteryHate

Open letter to Affait Partners

Everyone says to NOT blame the AP and that your partner is 100% Responsible. For sometime I had this same thought and as a project manager I can't help but think of the RACI chart. In that light, yes... the AP should be held accountable for thier actions.

I understand that in the land of AP's there are variables;

\- If they had no idea the person was married then I agree no accountability there.

\- If the AP knew about the marriage, regardless of how the WW portrayed you the betrayed, then they are partially at fault.

\- Some AP's purposefully look for married folks.

\- Some AP's even pride thier ability to wreck a home.

For those lurking here for a while, you'll recognize that I'm often providing links to music im producing. This is my outlet to express my emotions and process my feelings.

Money and fame are not my goals. Hell I've even told other musicians they can cover my work and I'll give them all royalties to it. My hope is that my music resonates with others and can help them through thier tough times.

With that said, I released a song last week and it is gaining traction. People tell me "it's a banger" and "this will be a chart topper". I believe them. It is catchy and universal enough that even those not in our situation enjoy the story in the song.

I'm on all streaming platforms. As well as promoting my music on Tik Tok.

Check out; Placeholder by K Phrost

Brutal feedback is welcome.

>A few months ago one of my coworkers got really close with me after his wife “stopped appreciating him.” Every single day it was another sob story about how cold she was, how she never touched him anymore, how she was “emotionally abusive,” blah blah blah. I honestly felt bad for him at first because he acted SO convincing and everyone at work treated him like this poor neglected husband.

He started buying me lunch almost every day and would stay late just to talk to me in the parking lot. Nothing physical ever happened, but the flirting definitely started getting weird. One night he got drunk at a work event and admitted he’d been deleting messages between us because his wife was “crazy” and checked his phone. That immediately made my stomach drop because why are you hiding innocent conversations if they’re innocent?

Then things somehow got even weirder.

His wife actually messaged me herself one night. At first I thought she was going to accuse me of something, but instead she was being SUPER friendly and weirdly flirty. She started joking that her husband “obviously had a type” and then casually asked if I’d ever “be interested in joining them sometime.” Like fully trying to test the waters for a threesome while I’m sitting there realizing this marriage is way messier than I thought.

I awkwardly laughed it off because honestly I didn’t even know how to respond to that conversation. But after that I started paying closer attention and realized none of their stories matched up. He said she was controlling, she said he disappeared for hours at a time, and BOTH of them acted way too comfortable involving random women in their relationship drama.

Fast forward to last week and she messages me again asking if I knew anything because he suddenly changed his password, stopped coming home certain nights, and kept talking about a “female coworker.” At that point I felt guilty enough that I sent screenshots of our conversations because I realized I’d probably been manipulated into some weird situation without even understanding itt.

Apparently I wasn’t the only woman he’d been talking to. She found out about multiple girls, hidden charges on a secret credit card, and the fact he’d been lying about where their money was going. She’s currently talking about filling for divorce

Anyway the kimchi, cucumber, rice, and seaweed wraps were amazing.

Several of OOP comments, all on being asked why she didn't think anything of a man buying her lunch​​:

-Genuinely thought we were being friendly to eachother, I know I knowwww

-Not gonna sit here and lie the guy is drop dead gorgeous but I’m not interested in him anything further. I thought I was being sweet because I’ve always been good at giving advice to people. Totally forgot men take the listening ear thing completely different..

-I’ve been told my whole life I’m pretty naive.

Pretty naive is underselling it, girl, you're the whole empty toolshed.

I just think she knew all along, or at least suspected, but is now playing dumb when it came out.​

So 5 years ago my sister came out of nowhere and accused me of having inappropriate relationship with my ex brother in law.

A little history behind it all. My brother in law was basically a serial cheater to my sister for years. My ex brother in law and I have never been close, not even to the point of holding a decent conversation. I never cared for his behavior. My sister and I have an off and on relationship. She's always been extremely judgmental towards me. Examples like trashing my clothes or my hair style, my weight ect...

I haven't spent a whole lot of time around them except for holidays. A week before a holiday my adult daughter reached out and asked my niece what we were doing and she said " nothing, because your mom cheated with my dad" My daughter immediately called me and I said What!! I called my sister to confront her and she refuses to talk to me. I've texted her and asked why do you think this? Where is this coming from? I even paid $1500 for a lie detector test to prove my innocence. She has publicly put this all over social media and has said her & her husband divorced because of an affair with me. Although he has cheated several times throughout their marriage. I don't understand where this attack is coming from. I have texted her, show me your proof, why do you think this? And all she says is, I'm not going there with you.

I'm extremely hurt and devastated by this. My family is in complete shock and I thank God my husband doesn't believe this accusation. Just wondering what else or if there's anything I might do.

Just... karma.

A few months ago, I found out that my sister-in-law (25) has been seeing/sleeping with a much older man (66). This has been going on for at least four years. She has always dated older men and openly talks about wanting to marry rich, so while the age gap is crazy, I honestly didn’t think much of it at first.

Recently, though, we found out this man has been married for over 37 years and has 3 adult children and grandchildren. SIL has known this the entire time.

From what we’ve seen online, he appears to be a very loving, devoted husband, father, and grandfather. We found his wife on social media and she regularly posts loving things about him and their family. From the outside, they look like a perfect happy couple.

He is very involved and well respected in his community, in local politics, and successful in his business. He seems to have a very polished public image.

My SIL and I aren’t especially close, but she has confided in my husband and me a lot throughout this. She’s genuinely sweet, but also very naive, and it’s obvious she’s developed real feelings for him. I don't think she realizes what she has got herself into.

Once we learned he was married, everyone strongly encouraged her to cut contact. (And yes, let her know that she is a POS for getting involved when she knew he was married).

She claims she has cut it off, but she’s on her mom's cell phone plan and it shows that they are still texting and calling daily.

She has shown us some of their text exchanges, and it’s very clear that protecting his reputation is extremely important to him, but he creepily enjoys the sneaking around/getting away with cheating. This man is wealthy, well connected, and close with influential/powerful people where we live, including attorneys and politicians.

Part of me feels his wife deserves to know the truth and decide for herself what to do with that information. The other part of me feels like this is not my marriage, not my business, and potentially a situation that could seriously backfire on everyone involved. My husband and I are worried about him retaliating. He seems like the type who would come after anyone who messed with him.

Our question is: do we stay the hell out of this completely, or is telling the wife the right thing to do?

This isn't his first time cheating and his wife stayed. She will likely stay this time. So is it even worth hurting her at this point in their marriage?

And if we were to tell the wife anonymously, where is the ethical/legal line when it comes to proof? My mother in law has told us that she has access to the chat logs and has even backed them up on her computer. Would including explicit photos or messages be completely unnecessary or crossing a line? Is that legal?

We don't know what we are going to do yet, but if we decide to... how do we go about informing the wife completely anonymously?

To the two coworkers at Valley Forge Casino messing around a postpartum woman’s back:

Y’all should be embarrassed. A woman is recovering after giving birth while y’all are sneaking around at work like teenagers.

Nothing about that is cute. Everybody sees it for it is.

A man cheating on the mother of his newborn and a woman willingly entertaining it makes both of you trash.