u/Oddly_Human5677

Looking for solidarity, commiseration, advice, anything y'all are willing to give.

My older sister sexually abused me repeatedly when I was around 8-11ish and she was around 11-14ish. I'm now 23 and struggling.

Memories come in bits and pieces, mostly flashbacks of specific moments or acts. Every memory makes it worse. It becomes more and more obvious that it was intentional, planned, and she knew it was wrong but used me anyway.

TW descriptions of grooming and acts of SA >!She would show me photos of women in skimpy bikinis, not for shopping, but to show me how pretty they were. That eventually escalated to showing me videos of women making out. The physical sexual abuse started with her putting on the one "sexy" dress she owned and forcing me to kiss her and rubbing my face on her boobs and genitals.!<

Just what the actual hell. Like... I cannot understand why this happened. It's such a mind boggling thing to have done by my own sister.

Worst of all, I had no kind of education on sexuality, consent, what was and wasn't appropriate, etc. I didn't fully know it was wrong. And even if I had, we SHARED A BEDROOM. My sister was the favorite child, and I the one that my parents couldn't stand. I had no escape, no one in my corner. And my life has been totally screwed over by this.

Just. Want to scream. And don't know what to do now. She and I were close in adulthood before I started remembering these things, but now, I never want to see her again. The patterns of using me for her own gain never stopped, they just changed shape.

The more I remember, the more I realize we never had a relationship in a meaningful way. She tolerates me so that she can use me and get things out of me. I'm fed up. But so so terrified of the consequences when I keep my distance. She's giving me space now, but I don't know how long she'll wait before snapping and going all victim complex on me for abandoning her.​​

My older sister sexually abused me growing up. My best recollection is that she used me for at least a few months when I was around 8-10, her being around 11-13.

My family dynamic was quite whacky. I was the least favorite child by far, with my sister being the perfect one.

Beyond that, she was always startling me, pretending to hit me, and scaring me on purpose to laugh at me because my reactions were funny to her. She was always quite mean to me verbally as well.

We're 23 and 26 now and somewhat close. But my memories of the SSA are overwhelming at this point. I can hardly go to work, spend time with my husband, shower, or feed myself. I've taken space from her but don't know what to do now.

How do I take space from her without telling her what I remember? I don't think bringing up the SSA would be beneficial. How do I let go of the discomfort I feel when I make her upset? Her emotions were always my job, and I don't know how to calm down knowing that the space I've asked for is upsetting her.

TL;DR: what do I do with the sibling who SA-ed me as a child now that we're adults? How have y'all handled these relationships? Any advice or stories y'all would be willing to share?

I was abused by my older sister. I don't know how long it went on, but I know I was around 8-10, her being 11-13.

For context, she was, in my eyes, my parents' favorite child. I was their least favorite/ most problematic. My sister was given much more social and physical freedom than I was. I was very isolated by my parents.

It started with her showing me photos of women in bikinis. I just remembered that piece yesterday. She'd pull up photos of the skimpiest bikini models she could find and we would look at them together in her bed. Because of this, I found p*rn very very early.

Then came the dress. My sister was gifted a short bodycon dress by a friend- the kind my parents never would have let her buy. She would put on the dress, then make me kiss her, guide my head over her chest, pelvis, and buttocks.

She had rules. I was always supposed to keep my mouth tightly closed, lips folded inwards. We were raised in a very strict culture of sexual purity and knew by this age that kissing outside of marriage was considered wrong. She would also make sure that areas of her body that were very strictly private parts / genetalia were covered. She would still rub my face there, but only through clothes.

In adulthood we were very close (we're 23 and 26 now). I started having memories 3 years ago and have been trying to tough it out. But the memories keep coming back and I'm having severe ptsd symptoms.

I'm getting therapy and brainspotting (similar to EMDR). But needed to share my story.

Long story short I (23F) was abused by my older sister. I don't have many memories, but enough that I know it was abuse. I figured it out about 3 years ago. May is full of flashbacks for me. I feel awful and dissociative and tired. I know it's PTSD and am in counseling.

But how do I go about my day when I keep having flashbacks? Is grounding the only answer? I want to scream from the rooftops what happened to me but don't want it to define me. I've told a few friends but it feels like they haven't cared as much as I wanted them to. I want someone to hold me and cry with me, but I don't want to be a burden.

My husband is helping as best he can but I don't want to bother him too much. I feel like I should be over it by now. It was 15 years ago.

How do y'all make it through the worst times when you still have to go to work, do things, get groceries, etc?