u/Ohwley

I don't know if this is true pero I have this friend who has this friend na may bumubulong daw sa kanya like spirits. I met this guy once lang sa isang party where my friend invited me. Ang weird lang pero when my friend introduced me to this guy, the guy told me bigla na "Wag kang magpadala sa emotions mo masyado. Baka yan yung reason na madepress ka lalo. It's time to move on na." I stared at him weirdly then looked at my friend then he told me lang na "Relax. wala akong inopen sa kanya. Just try to talk to him. He's nice naman. I'll explain everything later." So, later came (after ng party) then my friend told me everything where may bumubulong sa guy nga. I stared at him confused kase this is the first time na nakarinig/encounter ng ganito. I do believe na may ghost kase ako minsan nakakakita sa peripheral vision ko and sometimes, a friend can confirm if meron nga talaga or tao lang. But this? Mind blowing! Hindi ko alam kung nangtitrip tong friend ko but he told me na wala naman siyang inopen sa friend niyang yun. He even shared his experience with this guy na nakilala lang din niya sa dating app lang. They chatted and all until they both decided na to meetup na. Nasa resto sila when the guy suddenly told my friend na "wag mong ligawan yung kaibigan mo kase hindi maganda ang magiging outcome ng relationship niyo". So nagulat nga rin si friend kase wala naman siyang inopen about dun sa guy na yun. Then, biglang nag open na nga tong si guy na may bumubulong nga sa kanya. So, my friend told me everything na plan pala niyang icourt yung isang friend namin since matagal na niyang crush pero one day, itong friend namin na gusto niyang ligawan is may masamang ugali nga. So, dun na yung nag flashback yung sinabi ng guy sa kanya. So, about sa sinabi sakin ng guy na wag masyadong magpadala sa emotions ko is that my mom died last year lang and only child lang ako. I was devastated talaga sa pagkawala ng mom ko. Things have changed talaga. I started staying at home. I prefer to be alone most of the time, and at this point, I'm very emotional talaga. Siguro, reminder yun sakin na I have to move forward narin. Hindi naman ako natatakot or what. Naweirdohan lang talaga ako kase first time kong maka encounter ng ganon talaga. Is this common ba or is this something new rin sa inyo?

I've been single for 6 years now and tbh may times na nabobother ako na hindi makahanap uli. The last relationship kase, we lasted for 4 years then decided to end it since palagi kaming may mga misunderstandings and most of them are hndi na talaga nareresolve. Then, we both decided na to end it nalang and part ways as friends. After nun, I have decided na I'll just wait for someone na magparamdam nalang. In those 6 years of being single, may mga nagpaparamdam like mga nasa late 20's na nila. Medyo hindi ako comfy na magkaroon ng younger partner sa totoo lang. Mas comfy ako sa ka age ko or older sakin ng ilang years lang naman. And yokong matawag na Zaddeh ng ibang peeps. Haha! Now, since I'm single and just patiently waiting na may magparamdam, I'm just enjoying everything. Pero a friend asked if hindi ba ako nabobother na single ako until now na I'm in my early 40's and hindi na kami bumabata pa? Siya kase ng partner niya is 5 years na and has plans na magpakasal sa Thailand and mag adopt ng baby. Yung isang friend naman namin is 13 years na sila together. Walang plan magpakasal since hindi naman legal yung gay marriage dito sa pinas. So, they decided na mag live-in nalang. Yung isang friend din namin is bago palang sila mga 8 months pero okay naman sila together. Then, while working kagabi, napaisip ako na kung makakahanap pa kaya ako ng someone for me? Takot akong mareject tbh kaya siguro nag hihintay nalang ako na may magkagusto sakin and magparamdam. Haha. Nasa safe side lang siguro ako. Then napaisp ako na yung mga friends ko lahat sila either kasal/may family na or may partner na sila then ako nalang yung wala. May isang beses na nag meetup kami ng mga friends ko and kasama nila partner nila then ako lang yung wala as in. Feeling ko medyo na OP ako dun pero okay lang naman din. Then after namin mag lunch and coffee, nag aya silang mag karaoke. Hindi na ako sumama kase ang awkward na masyado. Pag dating ko sa house is napaupo nalang ako sa couch then napaisip kung kelan kaya ako magkakapartner uli. Sa mga fellow kwarentahin peeps na single here, nabobother rin ba kayo minsan? Please don't judge me. ❤️❤️❤️

Thank God I’m working from home, so no one could see me cry. It happened during my lunch break while I was updating my calendar and listening to one of my favorite songs. Then, a specific song came on, and tears started to fall. I stopped, covered my face with my hands, and began crying really hard—as if something had suddenly hit me. Then I remembered: this was my mom's favorite song. I miss her so much. How I wish she were still alive so I could hug her and ask her to stroke my hair until I fell asleep. I started telling her how much I love her, saying sorry for my shortcomings, and thanking her for the unconditional love, guidance, and support she always gave me. It feels like the reality of it is finally starting to sink in. I cried so hard this time—it was the longest I’ve cried, to the point where I was gasping for air. I hugged my mom's pillow, pretending she was still with me. I felt so down, weak, and helpless. At that point, I didn't want to go back to work; I just didn't have the energy anymore. Then my phone rang—it was my manager. She noticed the crack in my voice and told me to take a two-hour break. I can't say it was a "good" cry, but it did make me feel a little lighter afterward. I still feel sad, but somehow, I was able to say what I really needed to say. It feels like I let a lot out, even if it's not everything yet.

Ako is yung wag mag cut ng nails sa gabi. For some reason, sinasabi nila is may mamamatay raw. Hindi ko gets kase pero I'm just following it from then till now. As lagi naman nilang sknasabi na "wala naman masama kung susundin mo lang" so, that's what I did. I simply followed it. Pero may ibang pamahiin na sinasabi nila na I do not follow na since medyo ang OA na kase. So, ito lang yung nasunod ko since then. My cousins naman are hindi nag wawalis sa gabi. May isa kaming relative na after 6pm is hindi na siya maliligo. Uncle ko naman is yung mag babasag ng bottle for something na pang counter sa malas or what which first time kong narining and i don't really get it talaga. Siguro out of curiosity lang talaga if meron parin bang ka-fellow kwarentahin here is following a pamahiin like me? hmm.

Like with people or with stuff? I have a lot of friends back then. Pero now, iilan nalang sila. Like the less people in your circle, the better. For me, mas na-eenjoy ko yung being alone lang. Like sa bahay lang, watching TV series, reading books, browsing and minsan researching on something new that might help me set a new hobby for myself.

After the pandemic and passing ng mom ko, mas prefer ko na nasa bahay lang ako palagi. Since pinag wfh narin naman kami, mas naenjoy ko na nasa bahay lang ako and if ever may mag invite, depende pa kung san pupunta and ano gagawin. Usually, mas prefer ko nalang na lumabas at least once or twice a month lang then the rest is dito lang sa house. Then, my cousins will tell me na to go out and see places. Travel, malls, try new restos etc. Minsan naman sinasama ako ng uncle ko sa outing nila ng family niya. Tho close naman kami pero for me, minsan nag sesecond thought pa ako kase moment nila yun and I don't want them to think about me pa. I just want them to enjoy naman. Pero minsan pag eat out lang ang gagawin nila, sumasama naman ako pero dapat uuwi rin agad. Hindi narin ako sanay sa mga crowded places and mas prefer ko yung chill and cozy lang. Ewan ko ba. Pero sabi ng friend ko is normal lang naman din daw yung nafifeel ko ngayon and the way on how I want my life to be kase dun ako mas comfortable na. Ang laki ng changes talaga. Before napaka friendly ko pa like pag may nag tanong lang ng direction is naka smile pa ako. Pero now, I'll just give it like "ah dun po" then alis na. Hindi naman ako snob. Pero siguro ayoko narin ng masyadong maraming tanong. Mas prefer ko nalang is yung simple lang. Less is more na siguro for me.